It's 10 o' clock in the morning here..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
It's 10 o' clock in the morning here..
....and I want a drink.
Yesterday-I managed not to drink till 1pm and felt (stupidly) proud of myself-then proceeded to drink more than usual because I'd waited that long.
I don't know when this happened to me.I never used to drink till evening-but over this past year, working from home, it's gotten earlier and earlier and I feel powerless to stop it. This time in the morning is when it kicks in.I start to feel strange and restless and I tell myself-well-it's just cheap bubbly-one glass won't hurt-it'll take the edge off and that's the start of me drinking for the rest of the day.By the time my husband gets home from work I 'think' I feel fine-but I know in reality-I'm not. By 9pm at night I just want to crash into bed and go to sleep and I never used to be like that.
I'm 44 years old-am married to a kind, loving man and just don't understand why I'm doing this to myself and why I find it so hard to stop.I know the lies I'm telling myself-but I don't have the willpower to fight them. I am at home by myself all day-there's no one to notice what I'm doing.
I don't even know why I joined here.I'm not sure anyone can help me.I have been reading these boards as a guest for several days now and you all seem like such great, strong people.I feel like a weak, pathetic woman who should just grow the hell up and stop whining and just quit drinking like everyone else seems to be able to do.I would ask what is wrong with me-but I don't want to hear how stupid I am.
I can't attend A.A meetings because I am scared I will run into my father at one of them.He has been sober for 30 years and is well known in A.A circles where I live.I am sure he'd just be thrilled to know his daughter turned out this way.I couldn't bear it.
Anyway-thank you for letting me rant.I'm not sure I'll post again.I just wanted to tell someone.There's no one in my life I could tell without feeling so ashamed-and well, I guess I already feel that way-I just hide it.
Rose.
Yesterday-I managed not to drink till 1pm and felt (stupidly) proud of myself-then proceeded to drink more than usual because I'd waited that long.
I don't know when this happened to me.I never used to drink till evening-but over this past year, working from home, it's gotten earlier and earlier and I feel powerless to stop it. This time in the morning is when it kicks in.I start to feel strange and restless and I tell myself-well-it's just cheap bubbly-one glass won't hurt-it'll take the edge off and that's the start of me drinking for the rest of the day.By the time my husband gets home from work I 'think' I feel fine-but I know in reality-I'm not. By 9pm at night I just want to crash into bed and go to sleep and I never used to be like that.
I'm 44 years old-am married to a kind, loving man and just don't understand why I'm doing this to myself and why I find it so hard to stop.I know the lies I'm telling myself-but I don't have the willpower to fight them. I am at home by myself all day-there's no one to notice what I'm doing.
I don't even know why I joined here.I'm not sure anyone can help me.I have been reading these boards as a guest for several days now and you all seem like such great, strong people.I feel like a weak, pathetic woman who should just grow the hell up and stop whining and just quit drinking like everyone else seems to be able to do.I would ask what is wrong with me-but I don't want to hear how stupid I am.
I can't attend A.A meetings because I am scared I will run into my father at one of them.He has been sober for 30 years and is well known in A.A circles where I live.I am sure he'd just be thrilled to know his daughter turned out this way.I couldn't bear it.
Anyway-thank you for letting me rant.I'm not sure I'll post again.I just wanted to tell someone.There's no one in my life I could tell without feeling so ashamed-and well, I guess I already feel that way-I just hide it.
Rose.
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Welcome. You're talking about it, reaching out, that is an amazing sign. If you decide to keep posting we will be glad to hear from you. And no, you are not pathetic or weak, you are going through addiction, and the sooner you get out of it the better. When you get sober you will see the wonderful woman you are. Don't let the disease win over the woman you are.I want to see you shine from the far New Zealand to us all.
Karim
Karim
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi Rose
welcome !
like you I spend a lot of time at home...the old 'one drink to take the edge off' is familiar to me...by the end it was drinking all day every day...
I was weak and pathetic for 15 years...somehow coming here, reading others' stories, and knowing I wasn't alone, and realising that I could be honest here gave me the strength to stop...one day at first, then two...then three...
I'm still the same man, but now I realise I wasn't weak and pathetic at all, just enslaved to my addiction...
I hope this place helps you as much as it helps me. Take it one day at a time, and keep posting !
D
welcome !
like you I spend a lot of time at home...the old 'one drink to take the edge off' is familiar to me...by the end it was drinking all day every day...
I was weak and pathetic for 15 years...somehow coming here, reading others' stories, and knowing I wasn't alone, and realising that I could be honest here gave me the strength to stop...one day at first, then two...then three...
I'm still the same man, but now I realise I wasn't weak and pathetic at all, just enslaved to my addiction...
I hope this place helps you as much as it helps me. Take it one day at a time, and keep posting !
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Hi Rose.
'you all seem like such great, strong people.I feel like a weak, pathetic woman who should just grow the hell up and stop whining and just quit drinking like everyone else seems to be able to do.'
No,no,no!
You are just like us, no different. Stop being hard on yourself, I have been trying since january to quit and am still struggling, plenty of people here are in the same boat. Even those with years of sobriety have to beat the addiction day by day even though it does get easier of course, so they say!
I would like it if you stayed around here for a bit, see if it helps you.
Also, if you want to quit a visit to the doctor is a good idea, you may need help to detox as it can be very dangerous to do it alone.
'you all seem like such great, strong people.I feel like a weak, pathetic woman who should just grow the hell up and stop whining and just quit drinking like everyone else seems to be able to do.'
No,no,no!
You are just like us, no different. Stop being hard on yourself, I have been trying since january to quit and am still struggling, plenty of people here are in the same boat. Even those with years of sobriety have to beat the addiction day by day even though it does get easier of course, so they say!
I would like it if you stayed around here for a bit, see if it helps you.
Also, if you want to quit a visit to the doctor is a good idea, you may need help to detox as it can be very dangerous to do it alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Rose,
I should dig up my first posts here - you wouldn't see a strong person. I was lost, confused, depressed, suicidal, and the list goes on.
I really hope you post again, no matter what you decide to do, because you've found a terrific place full of terrific people who truly understand the struggle you're having.
Rowan
I should dig up my first posts here - you wouldn't see a strong person. I was lost, confused, depressed, suicidal, and the list goes on.
I really hope you post again, no matter what you decide to do, because you've found a terrific place full of terrific people who truly understand the struggle you're having.
Rowan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Thank you-all-for your kind responses.You really are a wonderful group of people and your posts brought tears to my eyes-because I feel understood.
In a way it's a relief to tell someone.When I signed on here I was so scared someone would recognise me.That terrifies me.I have two jobs-one is from home-where I am all day.But twice a week I perform(I'm too frightened to tell you in what area-acting/music etc-nothing sordid btw-lol) and am in the public eye.I am reasonably well known-hence my utter fear of being found out-or written about.I'd just want to curl up and die with humiliation.
At least this site seems to be full of people mainly not from New Zealand.I suppose that sounds weird to you all-but it's important to me.
I was sitting here reading your responses-still haven't gone to the fridge yet for a drink-and realising I'm just scared.I think I'm scared all the time but I don't know why.Is that normal?Part of it?Or maybe I'm just crazy and undiagnosed?LOLI'm also great at faking it.No one would know I'm scared.I'm usually the confident fun person.
I'm too scared to go to a doctor and tell them I need help detoxing.What if he sees me walking into the local wine shop 2 weeks from now if I fail?I couldn't face him again.Stopping drinking without seeing a doctor will do what to me exactly?I have no idea.I can only guess I'll start to feel like I do-like now-when I'm craving a drink.I feel physically weak and shaky and a bit lightheaded.Is that normal too?
I'm sorry if my questions are boring-you've probably heard them a million times.I have no one else to ask.
I sincerely appreciate all you have said here.Thank you.It helps to 'talk'.
Rose.
In a way it's a relief to tell someone.When I signed on here I was so scared someone would recognise me.That terrifies me.I have two jobs-one is from home-where I am all day.But twice a week I perform(I'm too frightened to tell you in what area-acting/music etc-nothing sordid btw-lol) and am in the public eye.I am reasonably well known-hence my utter fear of being found out-or written about.I'd just want to curl up and die with humiliation.
At least this site seems to be full of people mainly not from New Zealand.I suppose that sounds weird to you all-but it's important to me.
I was sitting here reading your responses-still haven't gone to the fridge yet for a drink-and realising I'm just scared.I think I'm scared all the time but I don't know why.Is that normal?Part of it?Or maybe I'm just crazy and undiagnosed?LOLI'm also great at faking it.No one would know I'm scared.I'm usually the confident fun person.
I'm too scared to go to a doctor and tell them I need help detoxing.What if he sees me walking into the local wine shop 2 weeks from now if I fail?I couldn't face him again.Stopping drinking without seeing a doctor will do what to me exactly?I have no idea.I can only guess I'll start to feel like I do-like now-when I'm craving a drink.I feel physically weak and shaky and a bit lightheaded.Is that normal too?
I'm sorry if my questions are boring-you've probably heard them a million times.I have no one else to ask.
I sincerely appreciate all you have said here.Thank you.It helps to 'talk'.
Rose.
Last edited by Jules62; 04-30-2007 at 04:03 PM. Reason: forgot to add a line.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Rose,
You have found a great place for support and inspiration. And, Rose, we do understand. I drank at home, alone, too and for quite awhile no one knew, but eventually I couldn't hide it at all. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and that's what you're experiencing.
I do think you should talk to your dr before you detox. It can be very dangerous. Yes, I think you will feel shaky and 'not right' and foggy and for me, unable to focus on anything. And, I really wouldn't worry about what your dr will think. Since I stopped drinking I care very, very little about what others think of me. My life changed a lot - it had to and I started to be true to myself.
You will find a lot of support here and I hope you keep posting.
You have found a great place for support and inspiration. And, Rose, we do understand. I drank at home, alone, too and for quite awhile no one knew, but eventually I couldn't hide it at all. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and that's what you're experiencing.
I do think you should talk to your dr before you detox. It can be very dangerous. Yes, I think you will feel shaky and 'not right' and foggy and for me, unable to focus on anything. And, I really wouldn't worry about what your dr will think. Since I stopped drinking I care very, very little about what others think of me. My life changed a lot - it had to and I started to be true to myself.
You will find a lot of support here and I hope you keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Rose,
There is absolutely no shame in going through this - hiding it is what makes it seem that way.
Anna's right, it's not about other people or their perception, it's about being true to ourselves. You deserve to have a rich and rewarding life, free from fear.
I admire people who are in show business and who don't hide the fact that they are recovering alcoholics/addicts - I find them so much more interesting, and like the real people that they are.
Have you seen Paula Poundstone's latest comedy special? She was court ordered on national television to attend Alcoholics Anonymous - and she talks about this in her show. She is such a funny lady, and was able to talk about her experience with humility, candor, and humour.
I'm so glad you found us, Rose.
Rowan
There is absolutely no shame in going through this - hiding it is what makes it seem that way.
Anna's right, it's not about other people or their perception, it's about being true to ourselves. You deserve to have a rich and rewarding life, free from fear.
I admire people who are in show business and who don't hide the fact that they are recovering alcoholics/addicts - I find them so much more interesting, and like the real people that they are.
Have you seen Paula Poundstone's latest comedy special? She was court ordered on national television to attend Alcoholics Anonymous - and she talks about this in her show. She is such a funny lady, and was able to talk about her experience with humility, candor, and humour.
I'm so glad you found us, Rose.
Rowan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Thanks Anna and Rowan.
Um...yes-I saw Paula Poundstone-she's one of my favorite comedians.I admire her greatly-for talking-in such a funny way-about her problem with alcohol.She has guts.
I'm just thinking out loud here-my father is an alcoholic(sober for 30 years) My husband too(sober for 15). I am sure my husband knows and is worried about me.He just doesn't know what to say to me-and I am belligerent when told anything negative about myself.I prefer to run myself down before anyone else can.Hyper-sensitive I think.
Anyway-I can't hold out anymore today.I have to go.I won't post here while I'm drinking-it just feels wrong and is probably against the rules.
I am grateful to every one of you for being so supportive.I have much to think about from your posts.Thank you.I'll come back tomorrow morning.
Rose.
Um...yes-I saw Paula Poundstone-she's one of my favorite comedians.I admire her greatly-for talking-in such a funny way-about her problem with alcohol.She has guts.
I'm just thinking out loud here-my father is an alcoholic(sober for 30 years) My husband too(sober for 15). I am sure my husband knows and is worried about me.He just doesn't know what to say to me-and I am belligerent when told anything negative about myself.I prefer to run myself down before anyone else can.Hyper-sensitive I think.
Anyway-I can't hold out anymore today.I have to go.I won't post here while I'm drinking-it just feels wrong and is probably against the rules.
I am grateful to every one of you for being so supportive.I have much to think about from your posts.Thank you.I'll come back tomorrow morning.
Rose.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Hi Rose,
I'm 43 - 44 this year, also work from home, work in the media (not on camera thankfully), have an addiction to wine, which is often "bubbly" like yours. Come from a line of alcoholics and am having quite a struggle quitting. I have also been avoiding AA for fear of running into people I know, namely my brother who would never, ever let me hear the end of it, as I always have been encouraging HIM to stop.
Sigh. It sure isn't easy, but as so many wonderful people here will attest, it is possible and all you need to do is take that first baby step and decide you really want to stop drinking. For me, the scary part was having blackouts and not remembering what I said or did the night before. I have kids, too, and God almighty, I can't be that mother for them. I can't. So I have stopped and come here as often as I can or need to. I have relapsed quite a few times, but I've been told that is not that unusual and just not to give up. So I keep coming back and each time I come back and learn something, gain a bit more strength and realize that I don't want to be a drunk for the rest of my life. I don't want to DIE as a drunk. I want to be there and enjoy this glorious world for as long as I can. One simple day at a time.
Sending much love and understanding your way -- only you can decide what is right for you, but I urge you to really take a look at your life and maybe think about the pros and cons of drinking. What have you got to lose?
Much love and strength on your journey of discovery...
Candy
I'm 43 - 44 this year, also work from home, work in the media (not on camera thankfully), have an addiction to wine, which is often "bubbly" like yours. Come from a line of alcoholics and am having quite a struggle quitting. I have also been avoiding AA for fear of running into people I know, namely my brother who would never, ever let me hear the end of it, as I always have been encouraging HIM to stop.
Sigh. It sure isn't easy, but as so many wonderful people here will attest, it is possible and all you need to do is take that first baby step and decide you really want to stop drinking. For me, the scary part was having blackouts and not remembering what I said or did the night before. I have kids, too, and God almighty, I can't be that mother for them. I can't. So I have stopped and come here as often as I can or need to. I have relapsed quite a few times, but I've been told that is not that unusual and just not to give up. So I keep coming back and each time I come back and learn something, gain a bit more strength and realize that I don't want to be a drunk for the rest of my life. I don't want to DIE as a drunk. I want to be there and enjoy this glorious world for as long as I can. One simple day at a time.
Sending much love and understanding your way -- only you can decide what is right for you, but I urge you to really take a look at your life and maybe think about the pros and cons of drinking. What have you got to lose?
Much love and strength on your journey of discovery...
Candy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi Rose,
I know what you mean about being ashamed...I came here under a pseudonym in case anyone I knew was here (LOL ...if they were they'd have the same problem, right?) but in the weeks I've been here, I've found the strength to tell all my 'real world' friends and loved ones, and the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. The stigma's gone and I've learned alcohol problems aren't a sign of weakness, they're a sign of addiction.
Now, I'm not remotely in the public eye, and I'm not suggesting you necessarily follow me, but I haven't had one bad reaction - it's all been positive.
as for posting - I think this place is for people trying to stop as much as it is for those who have, so keep posting.
D
I know what you mean about being ashamed...I came here under a pseudonym in case anyone I knew was here (LOL ...if they were they'd have the same problem, right?) but in the weeks I've been here, I've found the strength to tell all my 'real world' friends and loved ones, and the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. The stigma's gone and I've learned alcohol problems aren't a sign of weakness, they're a sign of addiction.
Now, I'm not remotely in the public eye, and I'm not suggesting you necessarily follow me, but I haven't had one bad reaction - it's all been positive.
as for posting - I think this place is for people trying to stop as much as it is for those who have, so keep posting.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 04-30-2007 at 05:28 PM. Reason: lost half my post...somewhere....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Well hello again.
Thank you for the latest responses.I am really touched by your kindness-all of you.
I thought a lot about what you all said to me yesterday-especially the pros and cons of drinking/giving up drinking.
It is very hard for me to say this without fear of exposing too much-but my need to share this right now is greater than my fear.I'll probably change my mind later and delete this, but for now-what the heck....I need to be honest with someone.
My biggest fear in giving up alcohol is-I won't be funny anymore and I would lose such an important part of my life.I'm a comedian(I know this must be hard to believe given my posts are hardly laugh a minute stuff so far-lol)and I perform fairly often.It was so ironic that one of you mentioned Paula Poundstone to me yesterday-when I hadn't said what I did-but maybe that's God/Spirit/HP at work(whatever it is each of you respectively call it)
In my work alcohol is just part of the scene.We drink before a gig to help get the courage to go on stage-and we drink afterwards to celebrate a good performance or to commiserate with each other if it didn't go well. Drugs are also everywhere-but for some reason I've never been interested in them so that isn't a problem for me.(like I need another one?)
Some of the best/funniest writing I've ever done was when I'd been drinking.What the hell is going to happen if I stop?I know Paula Poundstone is still funny-and she doesn't drink anymore-but I'm so scared I'll just lose it all and that scares the crap out of me.
As I write this I'm also thinking-this is just a lie my mind is telling me-because when I first started comedy I wasn't drinking like I am now-and I was still funny.However-I don't think I can name a single comedian I've worked with who doesn't drink or do drugs.
Everything is so confusing to me at the moment.Since coming here yesterday it's like all the doubts, fears and realities of what I've been doing to myself are surfacing.
I am also aware that lately it's been getting harder and harder for me to remember my routines when I'm on stage.I know this is because of the alcohol-so maybe eventually I'm going to lose my career anyway.
Crap-I just answered my own question didn't I.
I don't know what else to say now.Again-I just needed to tell someone.I feel like I don't really deserve your kindness as I haven't stopped drinking-and all of you are courageously fighting to stay sober.But I just want you to know it helps me to get this out and your example gives me some hope that maybe I can do it too.I don't know when-but-for now-you all have made me stop and consider it.I hope I'm not wasting your time.
Thanks for listening.
Rose.
Thank you for the latest responses.I am really touched by your kindness-all of you.
I thought a lot about what you all said to me yesterday-especially the pros and cons of drinking/giving up drinking.
It is very hard for me to say this without fear of exposing too much-but my need to share this right now is greater than my fear.I'll probably change my mind later and delete this, but for now-what the heck....I need to be honest with someone.
My biggest fear in giving up alcohol is-I won't be funny anymore and I would lose such an important part of my life.I'm a comedian(I know this must be hard to believe given my posts are hardly laugh a minute stuff so far-lol)and I perform fairly often.It was so ironic that one of you mentioned Paula Poundstone to me yesterday-when I hadn't said what I did-but maybe that's God/Spirit/HP at work(whatever it is each of you respectively call it)
In my work alcohol is just part of the scene.We drink before a gig to help get the courage to go on stage-and we drink afterwards to celebrate a good performance or to commiserate with each other if it didn't go well. Drugs are also everywhere-but for some reason I've never been interested in them so that isn't a problem for me.(like I need another one?)
Some of the best/funniest writing I've ever done was when I'd been drinking.What the hell is going to happen if I stop?I know Paula Poundstone is still funny-and she doesn't drink anymore-but I'm so scared I'll just lose it all and that scares the crap out of me.
As I write this I'm also thinking-this is just a lie my mind is telling me-because when I first started comedy I wasn't drinking like I am now-and I was still funny.However-I don't think I can name a single comedian I've worked with who doesn't drink or do drugs.
Everything is so confusing to me at the moment.Since coming here yesterday it's like all the doubts, fears and realities of what I've been doing to myself are surfacing.
I am also aware that lately it's been getting harder and harder for me to remember my routines when I'm on stage.I know this is because of the alcohol-so maybe eventually I'm going to lose my career anyway.
Crap-I just answered my own question didn't I.
I don't know what else to say now.Again-I just needed to tell someone.I feel like I don't really deserve your kindness as I haven't stopped drinking-and all of you are courageously fighting to stay sober.But I just want you to know it helps me to get this out and your example gives me some hope that maybe I can do it too.I don't know when-but-for now-you all have made me stop and consider it.I hope I'm not wasting your time.
Thanks for listening.
Rose.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Rose!
Great to see you back! Isn't that something about the Paula Poundstone remark? I don't know why I thought of her, reading your post, but I did - and I'm so glad. I certainly can identify with your fear of not being funny anymore. Humour was and is a staple in my immediate family, and when I stopped drinking, an aunt of mine made a comment that I was a 'drag' now because I wasn't getting wasted with her. And I believed her, and I was so depressed - but that was in early sobriety.
Today, I see her getting all liquored up at some event and lurching around corners, and I don't miss it a bit. I used to be pretty funny when I first started drinking - but then I became quite maudlin and tragic. Then depressed, then suicidal. And yet, I couldn't/wouldn't live without it.
You know - you could try sobriety for a time - and if you don't like it - there is nothing to say that you can't return to your current lifestyle.
Never, never, ever did I think I could live without drinking, boozing and carrying on with friends and family. I was so wrong.
I sure hope you stick around - and you certainly do deserve kindness. I think you're great!
Rowan
Great to see you back! Isn't that something about the Paula Poundstone remark? I don't know why I thought of her, reading your post, but I did - and I'm so glad. I certainly can identify with your fear of not being funny anymore. Humour was and is a staple in my immediate family, and when I stopped drinking, an aunt of mine made a comment that I was a 'drag' now because I wasn't getting wasted with her. And I believed her, and I was so depressed - but that was in early sobriety.
Today, I see her getting all liquored up at some event and lurching around corners, and I don't miss it a bit. I used to be pretty funny when I first started drinking - but then I became quite maudlin and tragic. Then depressed, then suicidal. And yet, I couldn't/wouldn't live without it.
You know - you could try sobriety for a time - and if you don't like it - there is nothing to say that you can't return to your current lifestyle.
Never, never, ever did I think I could live without drinking, boozing and carrying on with friends and family. I was so wrong.
I sure hope you stick around - and you certainly do deserve kindness. I think you're great!
Rowan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Rowan.....thank you so much.
I keep expecting someone to criticise me-and all you do is come back with kindness.It brings tears to my eyes-and I don't cry easily.
When you mentioned Paula yesterday I just about fell off my chair(and no-I hadn't been drinking at that point-LOL)Talk about pertinent-I couldn't believe it.
I suppose I can at least comfort myself that I keep coming back to these boards-it must mean something-that I do have a desire to live a different life.I'm just not 'there' yet-but the more I read here of others journeys-the more it seems possible for me-if that makes sense.
I am so grateful to you for not pushing me-for just being encouraging.You have no idea what it means.Thank you so very much.
Rose.
I keep expecting someone to criticise me-and all you do is come back with kindness.It brings tears to my eyes-and I don't cry easily.
When you mentioned Paula yesterday I just about fell off my chair(and no-I hadn't been drinking at that point-LOL)Talk about pertinent-I couldn't believe it.
I suppose I can at least comfort myself that I keep coming back to these boards-it must mean something-that I do have a desire to live a different life.I'm just not 'there' yet-but the more I read here of others journeys-the more it seems possible for me-if that makes sense.
I am so grateful to you for not pushing me-for just being encouraging.You have no idea what it means.Thank you so very much.
Rose.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi Rose
I can identify a little more now...I'm a musician...I started drinking and drugging cos it was always all around me...something to pick me up, calm me down, get me to sleep after the show 'high'...and it helped my creativity...but, eventually, it ate it away...the consumption became more important than the creativity.
I was scared I wouldn't be as good sober - truth is I'm better (LOL and that's not just my personal opinion).
Alcohol doesn't write your jokes or perform your show. You do.
D
I can identify a little more now...I'm a musician...I started drinking and drugging cos it was always all around me...something to pick me up, calm me down, get me to sleep after the show 'high'...and it helped my creativity...but, eventually, it ate it away...the consumption became more important than the creativity.
I was scared I wouldn't be as good sober - truth is I'm better (LOL and that's not just my personal opinion).
Alcohol doesn't write your jokes or perform your show. You do.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Alcohol doesn't write your jokes or perform your show. You do.
I can't fully explain to you how terrifying it is to get up in front of an audience and try to make them laugh.I have nothing to fall back on-no one else to blame if it doesn't work.It's just me-out there-doing it alone.
I love my craft.The highs when it works-are amazing.The lows suck.
I would love to believe that I'd be a better performer sober.Right now it's hard to imagine.That's all.But I appreciate what you said here and I'm sure you're right.I do have examples of other comedians who are still funny and they've stopped using/drinking-like Paula, Billy Connolley and Robin Williams for example.
I'm just scared.
Rose.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Thanks Rose
believe me, I know, just because I say it doesn't mean you have to believe it
frankly, if me getting sober was just an issue connected to my playing, I'd sadly but probably still be 'managing' drunk because the thought of giving up TOTALLY freaked me out, but ultimately other physical and lifestyle issues outside of music eventually took precedence...and I'm very glad they did, today.
Everyone runs their own race and gets to their 'eureka' point differently...good luck to you, Rose...and hope to see you around here more !
D
believe me, I know, just because I say it doesn't mean you have to believe it
frankly, if me getting sober was just an issue connected to my playing, I'd sadly but probably still be 'managing' drunk because the thought of giving up TOTALLY freaked me out, but ultimately other physical and lifestyle issues outside of music eventually took precedence...and I'm very glad they did, today.
Everyone runs their own race and gets to their 'eureka' point differently...good luck to you, Rose...and hope to see you around here more !
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Rose,
Please keep visiting/posting. There are no requirements i.e. being sober. When you're ready, and if it's what you want, you'll get there. In the meantime, look around the board here, check out the other forums, and especially the 'stickys' up top - the one entitled 'under the influence' is especially informative.
Rowan
Please keep visiting/posting. There are no requirements i.e. being sober. When you're ready, and if it's what you want, you'll get there. In the meantime, look around the board here, check out the other forums, and especially the 'stickys' up top - the one entitled 'under the influence' is especially informative.
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 294
I've definitely been where you are right now. Most of us have. You mentioned that you don't think you can be helped and you don't know why you joined this forum. You CAN get better. Things CAN change. You probably signed up because you want to change. It's normal to feel like sobriety is overwhelming and impossible... that's why AA suggests taking it one day at a time. Change IS possible. You CAN do this.
I know it seems like you couldn't bear seeing you're dad at AA, but can you really bear living like this much longer. I know mothers&sons, fathers&daughters in the program. I saw a mom give her son his two year coin the other day and she said it was one of the proudest moments of her life. I think your dad would support you. In fact, you may find him to be especially helpful in getting you oriented in AA.
If you really don't think you can tell your dad, there are always womens' meetings.
Stay positive. You can do this.
I know it seems like you couldn't bear seeing you're dad at AA, but can you really bear living like this much longer. I know mothers&sons, fathers&daughters in the program. I saw a mom give her son his two year coin the other day and she said it was one of the proudest moments of her life. I think your dad would support you. In fact, you may find him to be especially helpful in getting you oriented in AA.
If you really don't think you can tell your dad, there are always womens' meetings.
Stay positive. You can do this.
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