thiskidknows

Depression has taken over my life, I can't get out, I can't move on, I can't think straight I can't do anything for myself, I drink to take the pain away, I drink to numb out the pain, I self medicate to stop the pain I feel inside, because u can't see a plaster, because u can't see anything physically wrong with me people tell me to snap out of it pull myself together..whats wrong with me. How do u get out of depression, how can I stop drinking, stop taking drugs I feel no self worth, I feel dirty, I hate myself so much that i don't feel I deserve a better life. god I'm going on sorry.
Dark skies at nite,
dark skies at day
depression crept in
and took my life away

the curtains remain closed
I'm isolataed from the world
no voices do I hear
except the ones in my mind

No emotions do I feel
i feel completely unreal
The thing that I am has no worth
I shouldn't be walking this earth.

I wake during the nite
I can't sleep I'm a freak
I can't function anymore
I've fallen on the floor.

I cry this single tear
for all this pain I fear
that has taken over my life
and caused more trouble and strife.

I want so much to heal
to start again, and feel real
I just don't know where to start
get out of this place and depart.

I want to understand
I want to be released from the web
I want to feel love
I want to accept love

even as I type this I cry that single tear
that holds all the pain from the years,
but no1 is here to comfort.
I'm now feeling its over for me

I tried, but couldn't reach out
I couldn't express how I feel
I couldn't talk about whats eaten me away
I couldn't help myself, so no1 can help me.

I will close my eyes and surrender to the pain
say goodbye I can't remain
I so much wanted life to be different
but I guess I'm too indifferent.

Dee74

For what it's worth LC I think you express yourself briiliantly...you have a real talent there.

What's happening with the sanctuary idea ? Did you change your mind ?

D

historyteach

There is a way out. There are many ways to quit drinking; the two best known are AA and a behavioral method. You can find a 12 Step, (AA), forum here on SR. Yuo can also find the secular connections forum. On both of these forums, you will get support to help you stop drinking.

Drinking adds to your depression, LC. It is a central nervous system depressant. So, to begin the lift out of the dark fog, you need to put the bottle down. Either of those programs will help you in your endeavor. But, the bottom line, is, it's up to you.

You should also see your doctor. Only a doctor can evaluate if you are clinically depressed or not. If so, s/he will prescribe the appropriate medication. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Anti-depressants can help. But, you cannot drink and take an anti-depressant at the same time. They cancel each other out.

I wish you the best of luck. Please let us know how you're doing.

Shalom!

thiskidknows

I have been diagonsed with clincal depression, I was diagnosed in October last year but because the week before my diagnoses I was in hospital 4 times with overdoses, they wouldn't prescibe anything until my psyciahtrist knew I wasn't going to od..in November she put me on an anti-depressants the 2nd Janaury she took me off them because I was drinking, she told me to sort my drinking out because as u say the 2 don't work together..I've been trying to get clean since January, but each time I get to 3 days without a drink I for some reason find myself downing that first pint, which is followed by another and another....

I haven't given up the idea of going to the sanctury I have called them and I'm waiting for someone to call me back, as u can visit the house before u decide if to go in or not. ..

I've got a doctors appointment friday, I've been calling today to try and an appointment sooner but no luck so far...just seems everywhere I turn a boulder is dropped on me and stops me moving.

I really do want help, might not sound like it when all I do is complaing..I need a kick up the arse..

Dee74

Sorry things are taking so long to happen for you - I guess there's a lot of people needing help just now...but it will happen LC...and until then you have us...I find posting here really helpful to get things out and to help work out my feelings. I hope you do too. Keep posting anyway.

D

Rowan

Good to see you, as always, LC.

(((hugs))))