I met her
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
I met her
I have become aware some of you have been wondering about my meeting that little 10 year old girl.(for those of you who don't know I was abused by a teacher at 10)
My Psych and I decided--that I still couldn't really verbalize about it without being swallowed up by it all-just like everyother time I have tried to face it.
So I am writing it all and sharing it with my psych every other week.
I met her easily thru my writing.
she was there-and very quiet-I felt waiting for me--to let her go-to not be confused anymore or ashamed.
Right now in my journal I am hearing happy things about her (my) life
Taking it slow...feels so good...to listen to her and comfort her
I feel her being very sad and confused,,, she lives in 2 worlds a very happy one-at home--and a very numb one at school...I have felt her hand in mine---I swear!
This will take a long time but is something I so need to do.Thank you for all the PMs and support.
My Psych and I decided--that I still couldn't really verbalize about it without being swallowed up by it all-just like everyother time I have tried to face it.
So I am writing it all and sharing it with my psych every other week.
I met her easily thru my writing.
she was there-and very quiet-I felt waiting for me--to let her go-to not be confused anymore or ashamed.
Right now in my journal I am hearing happy things about her (my) life
Taking it slow...feels so good...to listen to her and comfort her
I feel her being very sad and confused,,, she lives in 2 worlds a very happy one-at home--and a very numb one at school...I have felt her hand in mine---I swear!
This will take a long time but is something I so need to do.Thank you for all the PMs and support.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I wish I knew more. This may sound weird but if I could help that little girl, if I knew what to say to her or if I dared to touch her, I might be able to stop working in pediatrics. I love it but also feel sentenced to it.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Sunflower, I knew immediately what you meant by the title of this thread.
It is a long process, you will have progress and then some regression, like 2 steps forward and one step back. My little girl was 5 to almost 10, and it wasn't a teacher, it was an uncle. She thought it was her fault because Mommy sent her away for a year to live with gramma on the farm.
Not until many years into sobriety and long and hard work did I finally meet her and walk with her, and helped her to understand that Mommy was protecting her from UNCLE until Uncle was dealt with.
It was so scary and hard but so rewarding.
I am glad for you that you have met your little girl.
Love and hugs,
It is a long process, you will have progress and then some regression, like 2 steps forward and one step back. My little girl was 5 to almost 10, and it wasn't a teacher, it was an uncle. She thought it was her fault because Mommy sent her away for a year to live with gramma on the farm.
Not until many years into sobriety and long and hard work did I finally meet her and walk with her, and helped her to understand that Mommy was protecting her from UNCLE until Uncle was dealt with.
It was so scary and hard but so rewarding.
I am glad for you that you have met your little girl.
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Awesome Sunflower, just awesome. It took me _years_ to get to that point. Here's what I do today to help that little kid I have inside.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ner-child.html
Mike
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ner-child.html
Mike
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Oh Mike, I liked that thread, especially about leaving the Xmas Tree up.
I left mine up for 4 years to help my child erase the bad holidays and get a new perspective on how Christmas can be. She is much happier now on that Holiday. We're still working on Thanksgiving, Halloween and the 4th of July.
Easter is also better for her now.
Some really great stuff in that thread Mike!!!
Love and hugs,
I left mine up for 4 years to help my child erase the bad holidays and get a new perspective on how Christmas can be. She is much happier now on that Holiday. We're still working on Thanksgiving, Halloween and the 4th of July.
Easter is also better for her now.
Some really great stuff in that thread Mike!!!
Love and hugs,
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Backwoods, PA
Posts: 223
I knew what you meant too, Sunflower! My story is quite similar to laurie's.
I met the little 5-year old girl who was abused by her uncle. Very emotional, but very healing. I had to see a psychologist when applying for disability. He discussed my childhood with me, and after 48 years, I admitted to being sexually abused by an uncle. This psychologist actually had me come back and he did something called 'timeline therapy'. I went back to see that little girl and I told her that she shouldn't be ashamed any longer and that it wasn't her fault. It changed something in me. I don't accept the blame for everything any longer!
The amazing thing is that the psychologist wouldn't charge me for doing the timeline therapy. Turned out to be a real blessing in my life.
I hope that your little girl will continue to heal just like mine has, Sunflower!
She still comes to see me sometimes and she is wearing a pink, ruffly dress!
Have a great day!
Grace
I met the little 5-year old girl who was abused by her uncle. Very emotional, but very healing. I had to see a psychologist when applying for disability. He discussed my childhood with me, and after 48 years, I admitted to being sexually abused by an uncle. This psychologist actually had me come back and he did something called 'timeline therapy'. I went back to see that little girl and I told her that she shouldn't be ashamed any longer and that it wasn't her fault. It changed something in me. I don't accept the blame for everything any longer!
The amazing thing is that the psychologist wouldn't charge me for doing the timeline therapy. Turned out to be a real blessing in my life.
I hope that your little girl will continue to heal just like mine has, Sunflower!
She still comes to see me sometimes and she is wearing a pink, ruffly dress!
Have a great day!
Grace
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
This is such a heart warming post. I'm very choked up right now. Just know that I'm sending you all a huge warm and loving hug straight from my heart. I need to keep reading this over and over...all of your courage inspires me so!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
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SunFlower what amazing courage you have! I hope to gain a bit more courage before I meet the little girl that still crys sometimes but is getting better and better one day at a time! (((hugs))) to you!!
I can only change myself.
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconeeeeeeeee
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That 'magical child' !!!
Thank you for posting this Sunflower.
It is a gentle reminder to me that we must all remember the 'magical child' that is within each and everyone of us. We must remember that child that thought of this world as a wonderful place. That innocence and that feeling that comes from being wonderfully naive. That child stripped of all the bad experiences and the walls built in the name of protection.
Those walls, they limit, they cover up, they hamper our happiness.
I remember when I was young, naive and innocent. I was happy. I must remind myself that I still can be happy despite not being young, naive and innocent. I must let that 'magical child' guide me so I may lead my life without the suffocation of those hardened walls, those learned reactions and behaviors.
I'm never too old to learn new, more healthy, behaviors. I will learn from my magical child that everything can be anew and I can obtain new reactions to the world that is around me.
That magical child gives me newfound vigor. He provides me with strength. It makes me realize I can be happy despite what has happened to me in the past.
Today is a new day and that child within me is encouraging me to "Come out and play.".
It is a gentle reminder to me that we must all remember the 'magical child' that is within each and everyone of us. We must remember that child that thought of this world as a wonderful place. That innocence and that feeling that comes from being wonderfully naive. That child stripped of all the bad experiences and the walls built in the name of protection.
Those walls, they limit, they cover up, they hamper our happiness.
I remember when I was young, naive and innocent. I was happy. I must remind myself that I still can be happy despite not being young, naive and innocent. I must let that 'magical child' guide me so I may lead my life without the suffocation of those hardened walls, those learned reactions and behaviors.
I'm never too old to learn new, more healthy, behaviors. I will learn from my magical child that everything can be anew and I can obtain new reactions to the world that is around me.
That magical child gives me newfound vigor. He provides me with strength. It makes me realize I can be happy despite what has happened to me in the past.
Today is a new day and that child within me is encouraging me to "Come out and play.".
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
There are so many of us--it breaks my heart-because you tend to feel so alone in the midst of it all.
I thought if I shared this you would all think I was nuts! (well more nuts than you probably already think lol)
I to didnt deal with it until I was in my 40th year--unfortunatley I had to tell my family-it was all over the news-in case they saw me--they protected us from the media though.I did not recieve any monitary compensation secondary to the laws in Ma. and the statute of limitation. I was there to support the other little girls 9 and 10 years old--15-16-24 you name it whom he had abused and apologise for my not coming forward-which they said was non sense-it was...
He was allowed to plea for a lesser offence--recieved his full retirement-and isn't even considered a sex offender--but everyone of the girls under 21 got 500,000 and they deserved it. I was not even allowed to give a victim witness statement--which I wanted to do so badly for some closure--but that is in the past.
I know now why I married an abusive A-- I felt dirty-figured this was all I deserved......still working on it,,,,,,,,
I thought if I shared this you would all think I was nuts! (well more nuts than you probably already think lol)
I to didnt deal with it until I was in my 40th year--unfortunatley I had to tell my family-it was all over the news-in case they saw me--they protected us from the media though.I did not recieve any monitary compensation secondary to the laws in Ma. and the statute of limitation. I was there to support the other little girls 9 and 10 years old--15-16-24 you name it whom he had abused and apologise for my not coming forward-which they said was non sense-it was...
He was allowed to plea for a lesser offence--recieved his full retirement-and isn't even considered a sex offender--but everyone of the girls under 21 got 500,000 and they deserved it. I was not even allowed to give a victim witness statement--which I wanted to do so badly for some closure--but that is in the past.
I know now why I married an abusive A-- I felt dirty-figured this was all I deserved......still working on it,,,,,,,,
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Mallowcup--I cried when I read your post--I too am a nurse--I could not do pediatrics because of it....then god there are nurses like you out there---don't ever feel sentenced!!!! What do you say or do to these little girls? Youu just love them and re enforse how special they are...
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