ilona

Hi everyone, i am Ilona and i am 22 yo. I am a mom to two beautiful babies and a wife to a drug addict. At this point i really don't know what my husband is addicted to exactly. That is why i hope someone can help me out. He was addicted to crack for the past 7 mo and he was arrested in Nov for possesion of 20 vials and 2 pipes. Since than he had his trial and was accepted to a PTI programm, b/c he has never had any problems with the law.After many fights and conversations, i told him that if he doesn't stop i am packing and leaving. He said that he really wants to quit and he is done with drugs. Well to my surprise he did stop using crack. But now i have a suspicion that he is injecting himself with something, but i don't know with what. He denies it of course. He has bruises all over his arms, i can see the red dots where i assume he injects. He also has Q tips with him. Why does a man need a q tip to carry around in his pocket???? He even has them in the car. Also i notised his water bottles have foul smell to them and there is some wet powder in the cork?I am at loss . To tell you the truth i even do not know why i want to know what it is.
I guess i still to this day hope that he will stop and we can be a wonderful family we once were.
Thank you to all who will read my post and if you have any clue what can it be, i would greatly appreciate any info.

northbelle

Hey Ilona, Wow thats alot to have to deal with. Isn't her held accountable to the program he was accepted into?? SOunds like they would keep pretty good tabs on him,,,he doesn't have any type of recovery program??
Well it all sounds VERY suspicious...ESPECIALLY the bruises on the arms and the q tip thing. I was a IV drug user too and yeah...definitely all signs,,I have no idea about the foul smelling water bottle though.
I am sure he probably does want to stop. But it sounds like he is in pretty deep and can't without alot of help. I mean he was busted and I bet it would blow his whole deal if he got caught again.
I am just worried about YOU and the kids..You sure don't need to be int eh middle of this kind of mess..there is not too much you can really do except SAVE YOURSELF. Having you and the kids probably makes a great front to hide what he is doing..
IV drug use is dangerous and be careful for you OWN safety. You can get some pretty life changing diseases from a needle!! SO please be careful!!! Write back and let us know what is going on.
I am so sorry that you and the kids have to go through this! I hope you can keep yourself and them SAFE!!!
love north

margo

Welcome, Ilona! I wouldn't want to guess, and shouldn't, as it could be anything or nothing. The bruises and red marks are suggestive of needle use though, but again - I can't say with any certainty. I'm moving your thread from Substance Abuse over to Friends & Family of Substance Abusers forum - we have many members who have addicted loved ones who will be happy to give you support.

Welcome aboard - we're happy to have you here!

ilona

Dear north,
thank you for your reply. The moment i saw markings on his arms i knew that we will not be intimate. I told him that there is no way i am putting mysef at risk. Besides, i still breast feed my baby girl and it could put her at risk as well. What hurts me the most is that he makes these bad desicions that change lives of so many people around him. My heart aches for his broken soul. I do understand that he must be hurting inside and that is why he decided to take drugs in the first place. But i do too understand that this is NOT the way to go.
He is a VERY good liar.He def.didn't want to go to jail, so when he had his evaluation b4 his court, he told them that he used once and he isn't using anymore. But the truth is that he spent 300 $ a day, which is equal to 40 vials a day at least. He wouldn't sleep for days and then after 3, 4 sleepless days he would crash, sleep for 24 hours and back to using.He was really irritable and stressed. In order to pass his **** test( he has them once a month, i belive he collects from someone else and turns it as his own).
Now it is much different. He usually leaves the house at least for 3, 4 hours. And after he is back he is really sleepy, but in a good mood.
Thank you again for posting.

helpus

Hi there ilona, Sorry for your pain. It was just expalined to me yesterday how to shoot up heroin. ( My AD is doing that now) You take the heroin & put it in a spoon & put some clean water or vinegar into it. Then heat it so it liquifies together, dumpp the liquid into a cotton ball & take the syringe & suck up the liquid from the cotton ball. I hate that I know this now, her friend told me this. Stick around you will find lots of info 7 support here. (((hugs)))

marle

Addicts will inject cocaine too. If that is his drug of choice he may have just switched from smoking to shooting up. Anyway, I am glad that you are taking care of yourself and your children. Living with active addiction is not the best environment to raise children or for you either. Welcome and feel free to continue to post. Hugs, Marle

abtchonamission

Hi Ilona,

Does it really make a difference what drug he's using? A drug is a drug is a drug. The important thing, IMO, is what YOU are doing for yourself...do you have any kind of support system for yourself?

I'd like to suggest that you take a look at the sticky posts at the beginning of this forum (the ones at the very top of our forum first page) and at the beginning of the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum, keep reading here, and keep posting. Also, if you can manage it, try to get to a Nar-anon or Al-anon meeting in your area.

hope213

honey, i can not answer all your questions but i am glad you found us. this is not your fault your husband is an addict.read all the stickys at the top of the forum.there is alot of info here. please keep coming back.it is along hard road living with an addict.we r all here for you.learn to take care of yourself.hugs & prayers,

yasmin

sweetie, i can feel your pain watching a loved one hate themselves and being shut off, its hard to communicate with an addict when they r in denial, they will just shut you off from their life and resent u cause they r ashamed, he knows what he is doing to himself, only thing u can do is pray, pray and pray that he seeks help from his own will and be there to support and love him when he chooses to stop.

until then, be strong and try and keep him occupied at home with you by suggesting to do things together, try and keep his mind away from it as much as u can without letting him know the reason why, just give him lots of love and don't stop.

you will succeed, dont give up

teke

welcome to sr, can tell you whats going on with your husband, but i do want to show my support, the addict in my life is my husband, i too am a recovering addict. i'll keep you and your family in my prayers

ilona

Thank you guys soo much for all the support and understanding. Some days i feel like i am on top and can handle pretty much anything, others, like today, i really feel that enough is enough. I really do not see myself living with an addict. ( Funny, huh, isn't that exactly what i am doing right now?)But what i mean is like 2 or 3 years down the road .I do not want to live in sorrow,anger or guilt all my life. I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. My biggest wish of all is for my husband to actually genuinly want to be sober. At this time , my gut tells me that he is playing with me, and tells me that he wants to be drug free, so i could just get of his back. I guess he doesn't really belive that i can leave. We have been together for a lil over five years now. And i guess i just mourn over our once happy relationship.

yasmin

i think from y own experience as an addict when loved ones are trying to help and an addict has asked for help, i think until they truly become spiritual and follow the steps and look deeper, they tend to at first use their addiction as a form of attention, and a lot of self pity, if he is going to meetings, he must get a sponsor and work the steps, i have not done them yet, i am 3 weeks,(relapsed tonight) but from going to meetings, addicts who search within stop being manipualtive, self pitying and attention seeking towards those closest.

if he is going to meeting, he must do the steps, he must look within, if he does not want too, he is not ready, and uses his weakness to keep u near him.

Its selfish, but addicts are selfish!!!! its all about them and their partner, and their partner is their drug!!!!!

From an addict herself!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

BigSis

Actually, although this may be a side effect of addiction, I don't believe it is necessarily true, and that it can lead us into believing we can "love them" out of their addiction.

We can't.

We can love them 'till the cows come home... and many of us have tried that route. It just causes us more pain.

What helped me most... absolutely the very most... was attending Alanon (though Naranon and CODA are also good). They saved my life, the quality of my life and my future.

It takes a few meetings to figure this out... but it can change your life as dramatically as did your husband's addiction. If you are ready for that.

I pray that you are.

(((hugs)))