Am I doing the irght thing?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Fairview, OK
Posts: 4
Am I doing the irght thing?
I'll give you some background about my story....
My husband was arrested twice in the past (before I met him) for DUI. He was court ordered to attend AA, which he never went to again. He had to go to counseling where he says they told him "he's just a guy that enjoys a cold beer". When we met and up until we got married he would drink a beer or two and that was it. Since we got married he's begun to drink more heavily. He's been drunk way more than the one time he will lay claim to. He also doesn't understand that his drinking changes his behavior. Is there a way for me to show him this??? I mean, what I did last night was a good step, but is it big enough? I mean, how do I decide how long to go along with this without saying anything? Obviously, he doesn't acknowledge his alcholol abuse/addiction. I just don't know if I should remain in this situation I guess. I mean, he's not going to change his drinking, at least I don't see it happening, although I pray for it alot. I didn't get married in order to get divorced, but I'm not sure I want to deal with this either. I'm too embarassed to talk to my friends about it. Because before we married he was SO different in terms of drinking etc. ARRGH!!!! Any ideas anyone?
My husband was arrested twice in the past (before I met him) for DUI. He was court ordered to attend AA, which he never went to again. He had to go to counseling where he says they told him "he's just a guy that enjoys a cold beer". When we met and up until we got married he would drink a beer or two and that was it. Since we got married he's begun to drink more heavily. He's been drunk way more than the one time he will lay claim to. He also doesn't understand that his drinking changes his behavior. Is there a way for me to show him this??? I mean, what I did last night was a good step, but is it big enough? I mean, how do I decide how long to go along with this without saying anything? Obviously, he doesn't acknowledge his alcholol abuse/addiction. I just don't know if I should remain in this situation I guess. I mean, he's not going to change his drinking, at least I don't see it happening, although I pray for it alot. I didn't get married in order to get divorced, but I'm not sure I want to deal with this either. I'm too embarassed to talk to my friends about it. Because before we married he was SO different in terms of drinking etc. ARRGH!!!! Any ideas anyone?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hello GinaD1026,
None of us get married thinking that we will get divorced.
No one but you can decide what you want to do. You can't force him to get help or stop drinking if he doesn't want to. You CAN help yourself and by doing that then decide what you want! Some of us stay and some of us leave, but what ever you decide has to be what you truely want for YOU!!
Keep coming back here. The boards have helped me alot. I am stronger today and I don't let my husbands drinking ruin my life. They can't ruin anything unless we let them. DON"T let them!!
Take care of you,
matters
None of us get married thinking that we will get divorced.
No one but you can decide what you want to do. You can't force him to get help or stop drinking if he doesn't want to. You CAN help yourself and by doing that then decide what you want! Some of us stay and some of us leave, but what ever you decide has to be what you truely want for YOU!!
Keep coming back here. The boards have helped me alot. I am stronger today and I don't let my husbands drinking ruin my life. They can't ruin anything unless we let them. DON"T let them!!
Take care of you,
matters
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Gina
Hello there! I feel for you. The best thing for you to do is to take care of you! In taking care of yourself and getting the help you need by going to AlAnon as well as maybe CODA meetings you will find the serenity that you are seeking. When you take care of YOU, everything around you will change in a miracles way.....how do I know? I am doing it! and it feels wonderful! I wish you God's speed and know that you are never alone.
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Leitchfield, KY
Posts: 3
You aren't alone
GinaD1026
As I read your post it sounded as if you were telling my story. I have only been married for 5 months and my AH didn't drink but a beer or so here and there. When we first started drinking he was a heavy drinker but after about a month he realized that I would not stay in that situation if he kept up his drinking, so he slowed down dramatically. We dated for over a year before getting married and I never dreamed he would have a problem with alcohol. But the night of our wedding and everyday since (except for 2) he has been drinking. You are not alone, remember that! I am so new at this, but I know these boards help tremendously. Also I am going to start going to f2f meeting this week (Alanon) and am starting therapy with a therapist today. Also I know you said you felt like you couldn't talk to your freinds about this because he has changed so much. I never did tell anyone for awhile, but I realize I need to accept reality and I shared with my best friend what was going on and that helped alot to get it out in the open. And she was very understanding, was only upset that I wasn't honest with her earlier. I want to you to know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don't want to give unsolicited advice so I thought I would share with you what I have done. I feel alot better than I use to.
As I read your post it sounded as if you were telling my story. I have only been married for 5 months and my AH didn't drink but a beer or so here and there. When we first started drinking he was a heavy drinker but after about a month he realized that I would not stay in that situation if he kept up his drinking, so he slowed down dramatically. We dated for over a year before getting married and I never dreamed he would have a problem with alcohol. But the night of our wedding and everyday since (except for 2) he has been drinking. You are not alone, remember that! I am so new at this, but I know these boards help tremendously. Also I am going to start going to f2f meeting this week (Alanon) and am starting therapy with a therapist today. Also I know you said you felt like you couldn't talk to your freinds about this because he has changed so much. I never did tell anyone for awhile, but I realize I need to accept reality and I shared with my best friend what was going on and that helped alot to get it out in the open. And she was very understanding, was only upset that I wasn't honest with her earlier. I want to you to know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don't want to give unsolicited advice so I thought I would share with you what I have done. I feel alot better than I use to.
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