Newbie wanting to say Hello
I can only change myself.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconeeeeeeeee
Posts: 61
Newbie wanting to say Hello
Hello.
If anyone is interested I'll share a little of my story which explains why I'm here. A friend/poster from another forum (marriagebuilders.com) provided me the link to this site. She thought this place could be of great help.
Why I'm here:
I have a brother-in-law who is an alchoholic. He is my wife's sister's husband. He is definitely progressing in his alchoholism. I'm fearful what might become of him and what may happen to my SIL due to his alchoholism.
His alchoholism is progressing. He's been hiding the liquids for some time now and recently forged his W's name on their tax returns so he could do as he wished with his share of the return. (He did give her her part but refused to pay back his debts to his MIL).
My W has been trying to get my SIL to an AlAnon meeting but she's very much of the mindset "Why bother. It won't change him." Hearing those kinds of messages really make me worried for her future safety and security. My W decided she didn't want to attend a meeting unless her S was going to go.
After months and months of hearing all the complaints and all the horrible stories of his drinking from my W I decided these two gals were never going to go to AlAnon. They did ask me to keep out of it. To leave it up to them to decide how to move forward. I decided I couldn't just sit idly by and so this week I attended my first AlAnon meeting. (Incidentally we do not live in the same city as SIL/BIL).
I know AlAnon is geared toward helping the individual cope and help the individual protect themselves and to grow as a person. I will use my time there to grow myself. But still I also feel I need to educate myself on the ways a person protects themselves living with an alchoholic. That way I may be able to share this knowledge with my W and hopefully that gets to my SIL.
So that being said I've got tons of questions. But before I ask them I wanted to make sure that my motives for being here aren't ill-guided and that I am doing a positive thing by trying, at the very least, to educate myself.
Thank you in advance for any advice/support/comments/criticisms.
If anyone is interested I'll share a little of my story which explains why I'm here. A friend/poster from another forum (marriagebuilders.com) provided me the link to this site. She thought this place could be of great help.
Why I'm here:
I have a brother-in-law who is an alchoholic. He is my wife's sister's husband. He is definitely progressing in his alchoholism. I'm fearful what might become of him and what may happen to my SIL due to his alchoholism.
His alchoholism is progressing. He's been hiding the liquids for some time now and recently forged his W's name on their tax returns so he could do as he wished with his share of the return. (He did give her her part but refused to pay back his debts to his MIL).
My W has been trying to get my SIL to an AlAnon meeting but she's very much of the mindset "Why bother. It won't change him." Hearing those kinds of messages really make me worried for her future safety and security. My W decided she didn't want to attend a meeting unless her S was going to go.
After months and months of hearing all the complaints and all the horrible stories of his drinking from my W I decided these two gals were never going to go to AlAnon. They did ask me to keep out of it. To leave it up to them to decide how to move forward. I decided I couldn't just sit idly by and so this week I attended my first AlAnon meeting. (Incidentally we do not live in the same city as SIL/BIL).
I know AlAnon is geared toward helping the individual cope and help the individual protect themselves and to grow as a person. I will use my time there to grow myself. But still I also feel I need to educate myself on the ways a person protects themselves living with an alchoholic. That way I may be able to share this knowledge with my W and hopefully that gets to my SIL.
So that being said I've got tons of questions. But before I ask them I wanted to make sure that my motives for being here aren't ill-guided and that I am doing a positive thing by trying, at the very least, to educate myself.
Thank you in advance for any advice/support/comments/criticisms.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Reasons,
Welcome to Sober Recovery, it's a great place with good supportive people.
I started attending Alanon years ago, when I was having problems dealing with my father and brother who both imbibed. The meetings have helped me immensely...
It's wonderful that you are going to meetings, good for you.
Hugs, and welcome!
Welcome to Sober Recovery, it's a great place with good supportive people.
I started attending Alanon years ago, when I was having problems dealing with my father and brother who both imbibed. The meetings have helped me immensely...
It's wonderful that you are going to meetings, good for you.
Hugs, and welcome!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Welcome (((FGR))))
I'm glad you found us...tell your friend thank you also.
I landed here to educate myself also...the only problem was I was trying to figure out how to "fix" my son, who was addicted to heroin.
What I learned was that I couldn't fix him at all... but I could begin down a path that allowed me to find happiness regardless of his choices to remain an addict or find help.
I can't tell you what this "education" about "me" has done for me.
No longer do the actions of others difine my life...I do. I even found a way to still love and care, while protecting myself (and my heart) along the way.
Your wife and SIL may never get on board, but I found that when what I was saying made more sense than what those around me were saying, people began to listen, and open their minds a bit more to the benefit of support groups in this situation.
And they saw the change in me...who can deny that?
I hope you chose to stick around.
There's also another section to this board for Friends and Families of Alchoholics you may want to peek in on.
Again, welcome
((((hugs))))
Cece
I'm glad you found us...tell your friend thank you also.
I landed here to educate myself also...the only problem was I was trying to figure out how to "fix" my son, who was addicted to heroin.
What I learned was that I couldn't fix him at all... but I could begin down a path that allowed me to find happiness regardless of his choices to remain an addict or find help.
I can't tell you what this "education" about "me" has done for me.
No longer do the actions of others difine my life...I do. I even found a way to still love and care, while protecting myself (and my heart) along the way.
Your wife and SIL may never get on board, but I found that when what I was saying made more sense than what those around me were saying, people began to listen, and open their minds a bit more to the benefit of support groups in this situation.
And they saw the change in me...who can deny that?
I hope you chose to stick around.
There's also another section to this board for Friends and Families of Alchoholics you may want to peek in on.
Again, welcome
((((hugs))))
Cece
I can only change myself.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Wisconeeeeeeeee
Posts: 61
Oops
I just realized I was in the wrong section.
Thanks for the kind welcome.
"Your wife and SIL may never get on board, but I found that when what I was saying made more sense than what those around me were saying, people began to listen, and open their minds a bit more to the benefit of support groups in this situation."
I have found this in other areas of my life. I learned most of that through the marriagebuilders site. Learn to lead and lead with kindness, caring and sense of concern for everyone involved and watch the others jump on board.
Thanks for the kind welcome.
"Your wife and SIL may never get on board, but I found that when what I was saying made more sense than what those around me were saying, people began to listen, and open their minds a bit more to the benefit of support groups in this situation."
I have found this in other areas of my life. I learned most of that through the marriagebuilders site. Learn to lead and lead with kindness, caring and sense of concern for everyone involved and watch the others jump on board.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
PS... I don't know a LOT of Alanons who got there initially for themselves. Most of us came in seeking a cure for someone we loved.
I do hope you continue your meetings - they have helped me more than anything else in my entire life (and I ain't young!).
I do hope you continue your meetings - they have helped me more than anything else in my entire life (and I ain't young!).
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome to sr, you are in the right place, there are a lot of caring people here who want to walk with you through all of this, the addict in my life is my husband and your concerns are very valid i think, but there is not much you can do for the others except pass on the info if you want to, and set a good example by taking care of you. its a good thing that you have already started going to meetings, i'm sorry that your w and sil for now is deciding not to go, it helps a lot.
keep posting and reading all you can about addiction and take it one day at a time. keeping you and your family in my prayers
keep posting and reading all you can about addiction and take it one day at a time. keeping you and your family in my prayers
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