Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Letting Go of the Need to Control

The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways, and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.
--Codependent No More

Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.

If we weren't trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?

What would we do that we're not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?

What decisions would we make?

What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?

If we weren't trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control another person's behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?

What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we've been doing that we'd stop?

How would we treat ourselves differently?

Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?

If we weren't trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.

Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren't trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

So much time and energy is spent trying to control, at one time that's all I ever did all day every day and it becomes exhausting trying to run the universe.

Once I learned to let go (and I still have to practice that often), it was almost scary. I didn't KNOW how to live with time and energy to do whatever I wanted to do...for ME, and I didn't know how to live without adrenaline pumping every moment. Peace and serenity were distant planets, to me.

The funny thing is, all those things I was trying to control were never mine to control anyway. It was all an illusion. I can't control others or what they think or how they behave, I can't control the outcome no matter how much I fret and worry, and I can't control what life hands me.

But I can control my attitude, my behaviour and my boundaries. I have choices and just for today I choose to let go of anything that doesn't have MY name written all over it.

Hugs

rozied

Great Post Ann, I have some VCR tapes called Boundaries that I must listen to if I ever want peace & serenity in my life. Whenever we let people cross our personal boudaries it leads to trouble............for them and for us. Why does it take us so long to get it!
Thanks for sharing from that book. It is really helpful.
Love,
Diane

teke

thanks ann, one of the biggest lessons that i've learned is that i can't control others, i can only control my attitude and actions toward others, such a liberating lesson to learn, thanks for the reminder/

cloiejean

I realize that it has been several years since Ann posted this affirmation to the site…I just really wanted to say thank you! I have been trying to follow Melody’s The Language of Letting Go affirmations daily and at times have fallen a little short… Today’s affirmation really spoke to my heart! Thank you Ann, if you happen to read this posting…thank you for taking the time to add it to this site!