here we go
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
here we go
well, i have been talking to my A - no, fighting really on the phone. it seems now he feels there is behavior from me that he is not willing to tolerate in our relationship (HA!) and he feels we need a "break"....he is totally unwilling to listen to the way he treated me over the weekend (because of course he has no memory of it)....part of me understands that this is just part of HIS disease, trying to blame everyone else...he is the classic profile of the middle stage alcoholic in the book "Under the Influence". Has anyone experienced this? The A turning it all around on you??
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
My AH turned the blame on me in the beginning, middle and in, what seems to be, his final stages of alcoholism. This classic form of manipulation just seems to come with the territory. You know, if I could "make" him drink, you'd think I could "make" him stop as well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
You just described another chapter out of my life ..."As My World Turns Upside Down-Year 2003". He behaves horribly, lies, rages, rambles and deceives for years ....while I play the good little hard working, responsible wife working 7 days a week and staying at home everynight with the kids trying to be both mother and father because he is so become incoherant he can't be trusted to even be alone with them ... and he slurringly complains about how horrible I am and we need a break. And I am the one trapped in a nightmare marriage I never signed on for.
Oh how I wish I had just used ear plugs during that phase as what was coming out of his mouth was as totally irrational and insulting as he could have gotten... in fact, it was during this phase I found this forum .. so I guess something good came of it.
Oh how I wish I had just used ear plugs during that phase as what was coming out of his mouth was as totally irrational and insulting as he could have gotten... in fact, it was during this phase I found this forum .. so I guess something good came of it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
In the last months of our relationship my AH began to play real dirty. He would bring up things from my past in a twisted way. Things that I had told him in confidence about my childhood were fair game for him. He is very ill. He would go on these really long hurtful diatribes about things that were very tender...childhood stuff. The really crazy thing was, was that he would take this bits of information and embellish them...so that he would turn my memories into these way-worse scenarios that he created. It was so hurtful. He told these embellished stories to his parents (my inlaws) too. I suppose in attempt to make them lose respect for my parents and to make them think that I was troubled. I am now very close with my parents, and this hurt them terribly. Not to mention how humiliating it was for me to have this man (who I brought into our family) now turn around and try to hurt us all.
I do not know this person my A has become. I don't think he even knows himself. They are very sick people.
sigh.
KG - there's no point in trying to get him to listen about things he's done. I think you'd be wasting your time and energy. I know it's maybe hard to accept his crazy talk about it being because of your behavior that he wants a break because it's a bit of a bruise to the ego, but really, he's the sick one.
There's no point engaging with an A - they're just incapable of normal everything.
I do not know this person my A has become. I don't think he even knows himself. They are very sick people.
sigh.
KG - there's no point in trying to get him to listen about things he's done. I think you'd be wasting your time and energy. I know it's maybe hard to accept his crazy talk about it being because of your behavior that he wants a break because it's a bit of a bruise to the ego, but really, he's the sick one.
There's no point engaging with an A - they're just incapable of normal everything.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
thank you everyone for the support, and NEG, you are right about it being a bruise to the ego. he of course, had to go eat dinner and get to his meeting (that he is ordered to go to because of probabion, of course) but promised that i would also have my opportunity to be heard - just like i listened to him earlier. that was 3 hours ago and my phone, of course, hasn't rung. it is very sad, because, i really thought we would be different. part of me just feels so stupid for hoping and believing he would get well.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
their ramblings are just too ridiculous to even grant credibility.
altho, i have tried in the past. till i learned how futile and it was to try to explain the obvious.
i now have absolutley zero tolerance for the words from the active alcoholic.
just this past weekend, i was checking in guests at the lodging facility i manage and the man was drunk. his wife was sober.
he was out of line with his stupid behavior, so i told him he needed to leave.
when my xh got sober, he left me speechless with his lists of demands about my behavior......uh, excuse me?????.....i had been in al-anon for two years at the time.
amazing, just amazing. self-centered, immature, demanding, and egotistical, entitlement......i always felt it was more than just alcoholsm with my xh.
as he stood there, with a huge belly, stinking to high heaven, and stains all down the front of his t-shirt, he started yelling at me and his wife that he had plenty of women standing in line waiting for him.
and she was still furiously trying to calm him down and get him in a room!
now, why would she accompany him anywhere like that?
oh well......i have deaf ears to the nonsense any more.
altho, i have tried in the past. till i learned how futile and it was to try to explain the obvious.
i now have absolutley zero tolerance for the words from the active alcoholic.
just this past weekend, i was checking in guests at the lodging facility i manage and the man was drunk. his wife was sober.
he was out of line with his stupid behavior, so i told him he needed to leave.
when my xh got sober, he left me speechless with his lists of demands about my behavior......uh, excuse me?????.....i had been in al-anon for two years at the time.
amazing, just amazing. self-centered, immature, demanding, and egotistical, entitlement......i always felt it was more than just alcoholsm with my xh.
as he stood there, with a huge belly, stinking to high heaven, and stains all down the front of his t-shirt, he started yelling at me and his wife that he had plenty of women standing in line waiting for him.
and she was still furiously trying to calm him down and get him in a room!
now, why would she accompany him anywhere like that?
oh well......i have deaf ears to the nonsense any more.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
thank you denny!!!!!!!! i am making plans to do fun things for ME this weekend, hoping that will help me not miss him too much - the sober him, that is...i know for sure now, that if he is drinking, i will have a much better time almost anywhere.....somewhat of a breakthrough for me. i also think i am going to attend my first alanon meeting tomorrow night. wish me luck! (i have been to several open AA meetings (with my A, of course, being the good, supportive fiancee....) but have yet to make it to alanon.
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