mimi54321

2 weeks sober, feeling great.

My boyf so proud of me, feeling so happy. He accepted a new job on Friday so we went out to celebrate, met up with some mates, ended up out til 6am. Booze, coke etc. Same old story.

Getting on so well with him, but he doesn't want my problem with booze, drugs and depression to affect his partying life.

Sat night, again carried on went out til god knows what time. Booze, drugs, talking shite etc.

I feel so guilty, so mentally and physically awful, so angry that I had no support from him NOT to do what we did. He knows I've been on a detox, he knows its not good for me. I need support from him but it only ever goes so far.....until he wants to go out and get trashed. It doesn't affect him like it does me.

Blaa blaa, sorry need to switch off.

M x

stone

Hi mimi, that is not very nice for you at all.

Rusty Zipper

switch on Mx... start over...

we love you...

ppfftt!!!, prob more then BF... sorry, had to say that...

wish'n you all the best mimi...

xxoo, rz

Pilgrim

I am with rusty. We love you more than he does. You know why? Because we know what you are going through so we understand you. And also because we want what you want.

We will not be alone just because we don't drink, do drugs, stay out late and generally mess up our lives. It sounds to me like he is going to have to face up to himself one day too. His drinking is obviously getting in the way of him being a caring human being. Pffft to him.

Try to fill your life some other way. You are going to have to get yourself away from this quite quickly. He has no concern for your health or happiness.

There is a sticky on the Friends and Family page - it's the first one with the long post by Taz53. I read it every night to remind myself why I am no longer living with my STBXABF.

Anna

Mimi,

I'm sorry this happened.

Remember you need to do this for yourself. Yes, it would be good to have your boyfriend's support, but you don't need it. You can do it!

Dee74

Hi Mimi
I'm really sorry to hear you had no support, but it's great you made two weeks and it's great you're back here amongst friends...stay strong and stay focused on what's good for you...be selfish...don't find yourself burdened with other people's problems and self-absorption

D

nogard

(((((Mimi))))) welcome back

Missymae737

Mimi,

Try to put the focus on you...We who are addicted, no one can save us...We need to save ourselves...

I know your heartbreak, but you are not alone...We will support you all the way...

Thinking of you.

parentrecovers

hey mimi, thinking about you. your boyfriend doesn't get it. we do. blessings, k

Rowan

I'm glad you posted, Mimi, and I'm grateful for your honesty.

With or without your boyfriend, you can have recovery. If that means saying no to going out with his mates to celebrate a new job, so be it. I couldn't possibly go to a bar where people were drinking and/or using - the urge would be too strong, even today.

Think about what you are willing to do to get clean and sober. I understand that crushing depression that comes on the heels of a binge and it's not pretty. You don't need to go through this.

I'm glad you're here.

Rowan

Tazman53

Not really switch off, but switch the BF off!

topetah

two weeks is great! as for your bf. i dont know if you will ever get completely sober if he still uses around you and what it sounds like is that he doesnt have a problem. or atleast he doesnt say he does. i wish you luck. maybe getting a sober bf would help your situation much more. just my opinion. take care and be safe...jason

Longwaytogo

We're still here for ya, Mimi. Dating and relationships are all about finding compatibility. Though this may not be what you want to hear, perhaps you were only compatible when you were abusing yourself, and it'd be better to look around for someone who fits the new, improved you

I'm coming out of a 4.5 year relationship with my high school sweetheart; I'll tell you what, it hurt back in January and February, but just like giving up on your addiction, time just makes it easier and life gets that much better when you find someone who really likes you for you.

Best of luck to ya.

ClimbingOut

Hon, if he doesn't support you, then he doesn't really care for you that much. He is only thinking of himself, and you don't need that. Best of luck to you!

mimi54321

Thanks everyone.

I don't want to think about things not working out with him. At the moment I've been out of work a while and looking for a job. That and staying sober are my main priorities, he uses the fact that he works hard all week as an excuse to go out all weekend.

When I get a job and some structure back in my life, its difficult to assess whether things are working out with us....if that makes sense.

You are all fantastic though really, I feel stronger already

M xx

Rowan

M, I think you're doing the right thing by prioritizing sobriety and getting a job - the boyfriend stuff, if it's meant to, will work out. No sense in making a whole bunch of changes all at once, anyway.

Rowan

Tazman53

mimi you have your priorities straight verbally, but your actions indicate otherwise.

You put being with your bf ahead of your sobriety. What were the results?

You know if he really does care about you, next time he says "Let go out and get F****d up" tell him no, I am going to stay home, now if you want to do something that does not involve drinking or using then I am ready to go.

This lets him know where your priorities are and lets you know where his priorities are. If he says he is going out without you thne you know that you are a distant third to him partying.

mimi54321

Rowan

I agree that I need to sort out other things and get my life back together, a job, some structure and then reassess the boyf situ. Its difficult to take a clear view on that without other things being 'normal'...a job will give me more confidence, a social life outside of his, and direction. I've felt like I'm a spare part at the moment and obsessing about things unnecessarily.

Taz

I agree with you too, its just going to take me a while of practicing to get it right. Breaking habits of a lifetime is bloody difficult as I'm sure everyonehere knows.

Stay sober for today - that is the one motto I can deal with at the moment - the more I do it the easier it will be.

The wierd thing was that after 2 weeks of being soberI felt so good I didn't feel like I needed him as much as I usually do.....

Anyway, thanks for all the advice.

M xx

Hope

Put yourself and your recovery first. That is the most important thing. Without that, everything else will be lost. You are the most important thing right now. I'm sorry that you are in that tough situation with your boyfriend. Do what you have to do to stay away from anyone drinking or using. Put yourself in a totally different sober situation. If you don't do that, it will catch up to you and bring you back down into using.

Pulling for you~~

Lollipop

(((Mimi))))) Read this over and over and over hun.....especially the last part!!!! Each day you are getting stronger........take each day as it comes and chose yourself FIRST!!!! Once you right YOU, everything else will fall into place.