New to Recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 21
New to Recovery
I have hit several bottoms with alcohol, but this weekend topped them all. So, I am here for support and friends to help me through another attempted recovery. I need to do this for my kids and for myself. I am very ashamed and embarrassed about my behavior up to this point. I would like to crawl into a hole and hibernate for awhile at this point. But I must go on each day. I hope to make some friends here, and to give and receive support in order to live a sober life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi mamasanta,
I'm glad you found us - and I hope you stick around. I've wanted to (and have) crawled into many a hole myself. I understand that you're ashamed and embarrassed but you don't need to live like that anymore. Others will be along to welcome you very soon.
Please keep coming back.
Rowan
I'm glad you found us - and I hope you stick around. I've wanted to (and have) crawled into many a hole myself. I understand that you're ashamed and embarrassed but you don't need to live like that anymore. Others will be along to welcome you very soon.
Please keep coming back.
Rowan
Last edited by Rowan; 02-05-2008 at 08:05 AM.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Hi Mamasanta,
Welcome!
I remember that feeling very well - wishing you just hide forever, but knowing that you have no choice but to carry on. There is lots of inspiration here, so keep reading and posting.
Welcome!
I remember that feeling very well - wishing you just hide forever, but knowing that you have no choice but to carry on. There is lots of inspiration here, so keep reading and posting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 21
It doesn't help that my in-laws all hate me, and that now they have something tangible with which to pin on me. They usually make things up, but this time they don't have to. This incident that occurred this weekend entailed me blacking out, falling down in some soda or something, taking my soaking wet pants and socks off, and then passing out on the sofa in my underwear, and long jacket, but still. My nephews were sleeping in the living room (one was on the other end of the couch), and woke up to find me there. Boys being boys they laughed and joked about it, and I found out about it the next morning. Their mothers weren't laughing, and are so angry, understandably. But one of the mothers is saying that I knew what I was doing, and that I like laying down with little boys. I can't ever allow myself to be blacked out like that again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Oh dear - nothing like the shame and remorse of remembering the 'night before'. I don't think it's right of these people to belittle you and say things like they did, though. That certainly isn't helpful.
Mamasanta, I could tell you stories of my own that would curl your hair. I still wince when I think about them. You came to a good place, and you will meet people here who understand what you are going through.
Remember the pain and humiliation that you are feeling right now, because you may need these memories as sufficient motivation to keep you sober. Once a few days pass, we feel a bit better and think 'I'll manage better next time' or 'I wasn't that bad' and suddenly we're doing it all over again. Alcoholism is progressive - it gets worse, never better.
Please keep posting!
Rowan
Mamasanta, I could tell you stories of my own that would curl your hair. I still wince when I think about them. You came to a good place, and you will meet people here who understand what you are going through.
Remember the pain and humiliation that you are feeling right now, because you may need these memories as sufficient motivation to keep you sober. Once a few days pass, we feel a bit better and think 'I'll manage better next time' or 'I wasn't that bad' and suddenly we're doing it all over again. Alcoholism is progressive - it gets worse, never better.
Please keep posting!
Rowan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 21
I agree that it wasn't right, and I realize that this is the way that they operate, and that I don't need friends or family like that. Luckily my husband is supportive, but I need to do my best to stay away from those people. He needs to see them, but I can leave when he does. They all hate me, and it's because they are miserable, and at one time I wasn't. I am very successful, as I will have a master's degree in counseling in less than one month. But this alcohol is my downfall, and they all know it, and are loving every minute of it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Oh, me too, lots of things to be ashamed of and lots of memories of trying to figure out how to get out of the messes I'd made the night before. It is so nice to not have to deal with that stuff anymore. And, Rowan is right. It gets worse unless it stops. I'm glad that your husband is supportive. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
welcome, mama.....you are in the right place.....i really understand what you are going through......i've been there, although my drug of choice is vicoden.......i'm a mother of three and have been sober for about 5 months......if i can do this you can.....my inlaws are difficult, too....to say the least...they just think they are better than everyone, really......
i'm really glad you found sr....i know how scared you feel and how confused and lonely trying to quit can be....plus the experience of raising children while trying to get and stay sober.....it is hard, but it can be done, and you are so brave to try....just admitting to yourself that you have a problem is an act of courage......
there is a thread on this forum that is called 'any mom's out there keeping sane while not using?'...you will find so many women that know exactly what you are going through...we all have less than a year of sobriety, and we can help you....i hope you join us and say hello...good luck keeping up, it is the fastest thread i've ever seen, lol......we mamas are chatty girls......we talk about anything and everything, are totally honest and supportive, with absolutely no judgement.....they are the greatest group of women i have ever met......
now that i've gone on and on about it, here's a link....hehe.....i just love the sober mamas......http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-26-xxvi.html
i'm really glad you found sr....i know how scared you feel and how confused and lonely trying to quit can be....plus the experience of raising children while trying to get and stay sober.....it is hard, but it can be done, and you are so brave to try....just admitting to yourself that you have a problem is an act of courage......
there is a thread on this forum that is called 'any mom's out there keeping sane while not using?'...you will find so many women that know exactly what you are going through...we all have less than a year of sobriety, and we can help you....i hope you join us and say hello...good luck keeping up, it is the fastest thread i've ever seen, lol......we mamas are chatty girls......we talk about anything and everything, are totally honest and supportive, with absolutely no judgement.....they are the greatest group of women i have ever met......
now that i've gone on and on about it, here's a link....hehe.....i just love the sober mamas......http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-26-xxvi.html
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Hi, Mama- I'm so glad you found us. Oh, I just cringe at some of the memories I don't really remember...
Last night at AA someone told the newcomers... if you don't get help, your life will never be any better than today. The disease is progressive- it really does get worse and worse. I was at the point of blacking out 4-5 nights a week. Scary stuff.
Congratulations on recognizing there is a problem. That is so hard to do. Don't worry about the in-laws- you need to worry about yourself right now.
T
Last night at AA someone told the newcomers... if you don't get help, your life will never be any better than today. The disease is progressive- it really does get worse and worse. I was at the point of blacking out 4-5 nights a week. Scary stuff.
Congratulations on recognizing there is a problem. That is so hard to do. Don't worry about the in-laws- you need to worry about yourself right now.
T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 21
i agree that i don't need to worry about about the in laws, but I will. They are all no better than me...they are all alcoholics, but would never admit to having a problem of any sort. At least i do. And they know that they intimidate me, and they enjoy it, so I need to stay away from them.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Oh yeah....we could start a thread.....
"Stories that Will Curl Your Hair!"
I am actually blushing now getting a few "flashbacks".
See, Mamsanto...you have already found "colleagues"
in the same field....you have found friends.
Love,
Sherry
"Stories that Will Curl Your Hair!"
I am actually blushing now getting a few "flashbacks".
See, Mamsanto...you have already found "colleagues"
in the same field....you have found friends.
Love,
Sherry
tangled up in blue
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 401
Mamasanta, welcome to the forum. I'm a newbie as well.
I understand the feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole. Thankfully, though, instead of doing this, we need to simply face what we have made our life. It is hard to keep going day by day, but this is how I'm getting through it. By sobering our present, we sober our future. Best of luck to you.
I understand the feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole. Thankfully, though, instead of doing this, we need to simply face what we have made our life. It is hard to keep going day by day, but this is how I'm getting through it. By sobering our present, we sober our future. Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hi Mama
I am new to recovery too - second time around. I hope it sticks this time.
One thing I have found out is that we have some enemies in our efforts to get sober. One of them is our resentments. I read in the Big Book the following from a fellow alcoholic:
"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you come to mean it and want it for them, and you will realise that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love".
I tried it and it works quite quickly. I find it very hard for one particular person but if I hold onto the resentment, I am in grave danger of picking up a drink. No thanks. So if sobriety is your first priority, there's nothing to lose.
I am new to recovery too - second time around. I hope it sticks this time.
One thing I have found out is that we have some enemies in our efforts to get sober. One of them is our resentments. I read in the Big Book the following from a fellow alcoholic:
"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you come to mean it and want it for them, and you will realise that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love".
I tried it and it works quite quickly. I find it very hard for one particular person but if I hold onto the resentment, I am in grave danger of picking up a drink. No thanks. So if sobriety is your first priority, there's nothing to lose.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 21
Thank you all for your warm welcomes. I know that one key to my recovery will be me loving myself, because I don't right now, and obviously haven;t for a long time. I need to learn how to do that. Only then can I forgive myself for what I have done, and only then will I not give a f*@* about what my in-laws, or anyone else thinks of me. Another key will be for me to find and use different coping mechanisms for life in general. I have used alcohol as a crutch for a long time.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
take it easy and be kinder to you. This takes time we get better one day at a time just like we got sick one day at a time. Get some support, don't rely just on SR, get and work a program of your choice.
Kevin
Kevin
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