newblue82

The other night (well about three nights ago) my AGF called me and again tried to convince me to give her another chance. So I had to ask her did she really believe that with her being in the position she is in that it would be wise for me to get back with her? Could she say in all honesty that she would be good for me?

OMG! Why did I ask her that?! She went to flying off at the mouth like I had labeled her as Satan and just took my words and totally twisted them. Anyway, she ends the conversation by saying "Well, fine I guess we should just be "friends" then seeing as I have brought you nothing but pain and agony and haven't been any good to you at all! I'll just stop being a burden in your life!"

I didn't try to explain myself to her so when she slammed the phone down I just never bothered to call her back. Now three days later she calls me sounding detached and asking me how I'm doing. Just called to check up on me (she left me a voicemail cuz I didn't answer my cell). She sounds so depressed. . .and I am all too familiar with this particular kind of manipulation to play on my sympathies. She's used to the "old" me who would chase after her to make amends. It's a new day, my dear. I'm not falling for it.

GwenMarie30

I admire your ability to look to the past to move forward in the present and future. You show alot of strength.

parentrecovers

way to go, newblue! you're taking good care of yourself and leading by good example. that is great! k

BigSis

Taking care of ourselves can feel so new and different, it can have me questioning every move I make. But after a while, it starts to feel natural. You are moving in a good direction.

(((hugs)))

Mavis

Time to let her go and not answer the phone at all. Being friends is obviously not working. You will be doing her a favor by NOT talking to her. She will realize that one day and thank you in her head. Trust me.

HKAngel24

Good for you!!
Very proud of you standing up for yourself and not being sucked back down by the manipulation.

I have asked my abf the same things about whether or not he intends to treat me well this time and be truthful. (As if I'm going to get a rational or honest answer about how intends to treat me!)

Blackrose2756

Been there, done that & the last time it happened when I gave let him come home in 2005...I quickly learned a phrase from a popular country song..."My Give A Damn's Busted"........

He had NO clue how to respond to that & it shut him up. And when we split up....even though others thought it was crazy I changed my answering machine to say....I'm not in right now, but "My give.....". You get the idea

Lynne

Cupicake

Glad you were able to see through her manipulation.

I don't know about you but when my exah sounds depressed it still gets to me but I try not to show it so that he knows I won't give in to his manipulation.

marteen

Your recovery is shining quite nicely. All our addicts seem to get depressed when we don't do as they expect us to. I know mine used to get all suicidal, thinking that would be the way to my heart and mind. While it killed me inside, I did not let my AD manipulate me with that and eventually even that went away.

You done good! And you did it for YOU!

GiveLove

Hey newblue,

So you need this kind of crazy-making.......why?
Time to let her drift off on her own. This is typical behavior and even if you're dealing with it well, you're not doing yourself OR her any favors by continuing. It's obvious she's only maintaining her friendship with you because she still has hopes. Why not let her go, so she has no choice but to finally get on with her life? Might be the kindest thing....
Take care and keep up the great recovery!
GL

tropikgal2

"My Give a Damn's Busted" HAHAHAHA
You go NewBlue! I will assume she is not working a program, going to meetings, etc.......Well, maybe the day will come when she sees the light.

newblue82

"My Give A Damn's Busted" LOL (Maybe I can have a custom made bumper sticker that says that!) You know you're all right. It does seem like she has a one track mind and a one track agenda when it comes to this friendship. It WOULD be best to let go and let God. . .Yea, I like the sound of that! Thanks for all your encouragement and sharing.

PS: I'm pleasantly surprised to see so many responses. For a minute there a thought our numbers were dwindling.

Sunflower

way to go---stay strong!!!

mooselips

Blue,
What I see is, she doesn't want a friendship. She wants the "old" you back. She's gving it everything she has, whining, anger, manipulation......you're pretty smart to see through it all.
And I agree, cut her off at the pass, she's not "friend" material.

Hugs to you,

Ann

You'd think she'd know that even if you had a teeny thought of taking her back, her bad behaviour would just prove she isn't a healthy choice for a relationship.

Good for you, I know it isn't all that easy but nothing is more difficult than living with an active addict.

Hugs

newblue82

I love you guys so much! You always know what to say

hope213

you are doing so good in your recovery. whats next? are you looking for a new love or did she just plane wear you out?

marle

Blue, Just keep moving forward. You are doing good. If she is floundering then she needs to take a look at herself and figure it out. You already know that you can't save her, she has to do that herself and maybe she just is not ready. You are and you are doing what you need to do to get healthy and maintain that. It is up to you to decide how much contact you want with her. What I find with my daughter is that I start to miss her and then I have some contact and realize why it is that no contact is a good idea. Those pesky addict behaviors seem to take a long time to go away if ever Hugs, Marle

Elana

Good for you. No point in stepping in it here.. and look at all you have learned.

sounds like real forward moving to me!

teke

good for you, you're standing strong. keep going and keep the focus on you. i think that the questions that you asked her were fair ones. still praying for you and for her.