it still shocks how insensitive he is!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: dallas
Posts: 19
it still shocks how insensitive he is!!!
i found out yesterday i'm pregnant. my AH was there with me. he went back to bed and didn't react much. this is my first time ever and i started crying. didn't get a hug. no kind words. nothing.
i'm getting an abortion. it's my decision (and my AH doesn't give a rat's ass). sadly, my guy friends would make better dads than my AH would. he said once that he'd be back home and we'd talk about it like "adults" and then shows up at 11:15pm after having dinner with a friend.
it's so sad. i truly wonder sometimes how a human being can be so insensitive and uncompassionate.
i'm keeping my head high for today. i'm trying not to feel victimized or helpless, but i admit, it's a lonely feeling right now. i've never had this experience before. i didn't think that having a "husband" meant going through things like this alone.
has anyone had experiences they have had to go through alone because of how selfish their addicts are?
i'm getting an abortion. it's my decision (and my AH doesn't give a rat's ass). sadly, my guy friends would make better dads than my AH would. he said once that he'd be back home and we'd talk about it like "adults" and then shows up at 11:15pm after having dinner with a friend.
it's so sad. i truly wonder sometimes how a human being can be so insensitive and uncompassionate.
i'm keeping my head high for today. i'm trying not to feel victimized or helpless, but i admit, it's a lonely feeling right now. i've never had this experience before. i didn't think that having a "husband" meant going through things like this alone.
has anyone had experiences they have had to go through alone because of how selfish their addicts are?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Quinlan, TX
Posts: 73
Im sorry.. I have 3 kids. My AH is the father of the 2 youngest. And he wasnt even there (At hospial) when either of them was born. So I know exactly how you feel. Keep your head up. And make sure the abortion is what you really want. Now days there is alot of single mothers. Just think about it long and hard before you do anything. Keeping you in my prayers...
BIG HUGS
way
BIG HUGS
way
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
malihas,
I feel your pain so clearly. I was you 25 years ago. My (now EX)AH reacted horribly when I told him I was pregnant. He was emotionally and verbally abusive throughout the pregnancy.
It was hard. Very hard. I cried myself to sleep every night waiting for him to come home with makeup all over him from whatever bar he had been at.
But...fast forward to today. That baby is now 24 years old, a college graduate, married to a wonderful woman, and expecting my first grandchild in just a few weeks.
Please don't make any decisions in the heat of your pain and anger. There is much more to my story than this. I don't have time right now to share it all.
PM me if you want to know more, and I will reply when I get home from work.
I am praying for you right now; I COMPLETELY know what you are going through.
(((HUGS)))
I feel your pain so clearly. I was you 25 years ago. My (now EX)AH reacted horribly when I told him I was pregnant. He was emotionally and verbally abusive throughout the pregnancy.
It was hard. Very hard. I cried myself to sleep every night waiting for him to come home with makeup all over him from whatever bar he had been at.
But...fast forward to today. That baby is now 24 years old, a college graduate, married to a wonderful woman, and expecting my first grandchild in just a few weeks.
Please don't make any decisions in the heat of your pain and anger. There is much more to my story than this. I don't have time right now to share it all.
PM me if you want to know more, and I will reply when I get home from work.
I am praying for you right now; I COMPLETELY know what you are going through.
(((HUGS)))
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Down South Here
Posts: 35
Malihas,
I am sorry that what should be a very happy occasion is a nightmare for you. I have always been a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Although we may never know the reason... there is one. I am not for or against abortion, as I think everyone has to consider their own conscious. I hope that you think long and hard about it. It might be a decision that you will come to regret one day. It also might be a good decision, just please weigh out all of the pros and cons before you make such a huge decision like this.
Best of luck to you.
I am sorry that what should be a very happy occasion is a nightmare for you. I have always been a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Although we may never know the reason... there is one. I am not for or against abortion, as I think everyone has to consider their own conscious. I hope that you think long and hard about it. It might be a decision that you will come to regret one day. It also might be a good decision, just please weigh out all of the pros and cons before you make such a huge decision like this.
Best of luck to you.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
malihas,
No experience here either, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I think I understand how you're feeling, overwhelmed, and no support, on what should be such a happy event.
Hugs to you,
No experience here either, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I think I understand how you're feeling, overwhelmed, and no support, on what should be such a happy event.
Hugs to you,
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
malihas,
i'm so sorry he's being such an a$$ - i had a boyfriend just like him - i was 17 and using birthcontrol when i became pregnant - i was a senior in high school and an abortion was the right decision at the time - i never regretted it - bf was so smug about everything - i was with him on and off til i met my husband of 20 years - you'll do the right thing for yourself - whatever that may be...
love,
s
i'm so sorry he's being such an a$$ - i had a boyfriend just like him - i was 17 and using birthcontrol when i became pregnant - i was a senior in high school and an abortion was the right decision at the time - i never regretted it - bf was so smug about everything - i was with him on and off til i met my husband of 20 years - you'll do the right thing for yourself - whatever that may be...
love,
s
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 168
Malihas,
First of all, I am so sorry that this is not a happier time for you. I truly feel for your situation. I have not been through this, but I think about this happening all of the time. My AH were just recently married and I want to have kids someday. But I tell myself I only want kids with my AH if he were to get sober...and we all know there is no guarantee in that...
We use protection but there is always that chance that something could happen... and I really don't know what I would do if it did, so I feel for you and your situation.
I would agree with the other posters, make sure you weigh all your options and then make your decision. I believe in the right to choose but I also want to share a story- I had a good friend of mine who had an abortion when she was very young, she still regrets it to this day. She made the decision very quickly and didn't really THINK about what she was doing. With that said, only you can do what is right for YOU. I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I am sure you will make the right one.
Good Luck & health to you,
Tiffany
First of all, I am so sorry that this is not a happier time for you. I truly feel for your situation. I have not been through this, but I think about this happening all of the time. My AH were just recently married and I want to have kids someday. But I tell myself I only want kids with my AH if he were to get sober...and we all know there is no guarantee in that...
We use protection but there is always that chance that something could happen... and I really don't know what I would do if it did, so I feel for you and your situation.
I would agree with the other posters, make sure you weigh all your options and then make your decision. I believe in the right to choose but I also want to share a story- I had a good friend of mine who had an abortion when she was very young, she still regrets it to this day. She made the decision very quickly and didn't really THINK about what she was doing. With that said, only you can do what is right for YOU. I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make. I am sure you will make the right one.
Good Luck & health to you,
Tiffany
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Originally Posted by malihas 
has anyone had experiences they have had to go through alone because of how selfish their addicts are?
One time XABF told me the woman he used to live with (Read: used) for years got pregnant and she got an abortion (yes.. another co dependent who is now eating herself to death.. is likely 200 lbs over weight and an insulin dependent diabetic type 2). He said he thought it was his.
THOUGHT? THOUGHT???? she didn't cheat on him! HE CHEATED ON HER!!!!
I did not answer him. What was I supposed to say? Insensitive isn't a good enough word.
(((malihas))) I am so very very sorry.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: charlotte,NC
Posts: 111
It's so hard living with an addict. If it's not about them, they don't want to hear it. There are so many times when I'm trying to talk to my husband, the man I fell in love with, and all I get is the addict. It's like there's two people inside of him, and you never know which one you're going to get. It almost seems like if I need to talk, or if there's something important going on, I'm almost guaranteed that my husband will check out, and I get the addict.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope you remember to take care of yourself! You'll be in my prayers!
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope you remember to take care of yourself! You'll be in my prayers!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
So sorry you are having to deal with this. THat really is tough,
Addicts don't care about anything but getting high. Last year when my RAH was in active addiction I called him after I found out a mass was found in my mammogram (I was in the parking lot at the docs) and how scared I was and you know what he said to me?? He said "Well, good luck with that". !!! Probably çause he had just used or was hell bent on doing so.
Never Again.....never ever again.....
PS it was a benign mass
Addicts don't care about anything but getting high. Last year when my RAH was in active addiction I called him after I found out a mass was found in my mammogram (I was in the parking lot at the docs) and how scared I was and you know what he said to me?? He said "Well, good luck with that". !!! Probably çause he had just used or was hell bent on doing so.
Never Again.....never ever again.....
PS it was a benign mass
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
I am so sorry that your husband reacted in such a hurtful way.
You deserve someone who is ecstatic that their wife is having a child.
It is, however, your decision how you move forward, with or without his support.
I truly believe that all addits are completely insensitive. The drugs numb their feelings to the extent that they are so far removed from being a human life form that they can't feel much else besides the need and desire to use.
I couldn't imagine what you are feeling. I suppose that we go through life believing experiences to be packaged in a certain way and when they arrive and are drastically different than we'd hoped we feel a real sense of loss. A situation where you cognitively know you are suppose to be happy, but feel the opposite.
Will be thinking of you. Sending you hugs.
You deserve someone who is ecstatic that their wife is having a child.
It is, however, your decision how you move forward, with or without his support.
I truly believe that all addits are completely insensitive. The drugs numb their feelings to the extent that they are so far removed from being a human life form that they can't feel much else besides the need and desire to use.
I couldn't imagine what you are feeling. I suppose that we go through life believing experiences to be packaged in a certain way and when they arrive and are drastically different than we'd hoped we feel a real sense of loss. A situation where you cognitively know you are suppose to be happy, but feel the opposite.
Will be thinking of you. Sending you hugs.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hate that your A was not able to give you the support that you deserve at this time.
I agree with the others - take as much time as you need to process this news, to seek guidance from your HP to know what is best for you regardless of what your A says or does.
Wishing you a weekend filled with peace,
Rita
I agree with the others - take as much time as you need to process this news, to seek guidance from your HP to know what is best for you regardless of what your A says or does.
Wishing you a weekend filled with peace,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Take care of yourself, malihas.
It sounds like he is either a)unsupportive by nature, b)scared to death by the thought of being a dad, or c) super immature.
Take your time, think it through, and do what you feel is best for you.
You ask if someone else has been in your place. Yes, I have. I had almost an identical experience, in fact, and my X went back and forth between uncaring and outright abusive.
I thought about what that child's life would likely be like (I was trapped by poverty, undereducated, abused, and desperately unhappy...and the pregnancy had been a complete accident despite protections) and made the difficult decision that it would be best not to subject the child or me to that life. I have NOT regretted my decision, but it can't help but be a sad occasion. Also, I would never again allow even the remote possibility of pregnancy to occur.
At that point I felt myself starting to work my way out of that relationship....got a job, saved money, and eventually moved out on my own. This might not be the right move for you, but that whole event taught me a great deal about the dependability and integrity of the man I was with. And I came to realize he wasn't someone I wanted to be with.
Hugs and strength to you,
GiveLove
(Investigate the possibility of working. You are married; google "citizenship by marriage" and find out what steps you have to take to be able to work. It may take some patience, but it seems to be the only way you will be able to create any options for yourself. There are even attorneys who specialize in it. Give it a shot...it's important...)
It sounds like he is either a)unsupportive by nature, b)scared to death by the thought of being a dad, or c) super immature.
Take your time, think it through, and do what you feel is best for you.
You ask if someone else has been in your place. Yes, I have. I had almost an identical experience, in fact, and my X went back and forth between uncaring and outright abusive.
I thought about what that child's life would likely be like (I was trapped by poverty, undereducated, abused, and desperately unhappy...and the pregnancy had been a complete accident despite protections) and made the difficult decision that it would be best not to subject the child or me to that life. I have NOT regretted my decision, but it can't help but be a sad occasion. Also, I would never again allow even the remote possibility of pregnancy to occur.
At that point I felt myself starting to work my way out of that relationship....got a job, saved money, and eventually moved out on my own. This might not be the right move for you, but that whole event taught me a great deal about the dependability and integrity of the man I was with. And I came to realize he wasn't someone I wanted to be with.
Hugs and strength to you,
GiveLove
(Investigate the possibility of working. You are married; google "citizenship by marriage" and find out what steps you have to take to be able to work. It may take some patience, but it seems to be the only way you will be able to create any options for yourself. There are even attorneys who specialize in it. Give it a shot...it's important...)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
I'm so sorry, malihas...
This "should be" such a special time in your life. Its a moment that we dream about...and have such high expectations for...that moment when we find out we are with child. I don't envy the decision you have before you. I really don't.
My exah and I had our son BEFORE addiciton reared its ugly head.
Speaking of *my* own experience, I know that my son gave me the strength I needed to turn my life around. Honestly, I don't know, looking back, whether I would have had the strength to do what I needed to do if it only involved "my" well-being. Each day, I look at my son, and I know everything's going to be okay. He gives me all the love and strength I need.
I'm not expressing an opinion about your decision. I'm not.
I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation.
Whatever you decide to do, I support you 100%. I also know, however, that Your HP will guide you. He really will. All you gotta do is be still for a while and listen.
Hugs and support...
This "should be" such a special time in your life. Its a moment that we dream about...and have such high expectations for...that moment when we find out we are with child. I don't envy the decision you have before you. I really don't.
My exah and I had our son BEFORE addiciton reared its ugly head.
Speaking of *my* own experience, I know that my son gave me the strength I needed to turn my life around. Honestly, I don't know, looking back, whether I would have had the strength to do what I needed to do if it only involved "my" well-being. Each day, I look at my son, and I know everything's going to be okay. He gives me all the love and strength I need.
I'm not expressing an opinion about your decision. I'm not.
I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation.
Whatever you decide to do, I support you 100%. I also know, however, that Your HP will guide you. He really will. All you gotta do is be still for a while and listen.
Hugs and support...
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