Having a brain fart day!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Having a brain fart day!
Ok...maybe I'm having a bad day? IMAGINE that! We are allowed those correct? My X A went to court yesterday for the violation of the restraining order, probation-blah blah quack quack. I'm sure I have mentioned that I have not changed my phone number which I guess for my own personal stubborn reasons! I have had this number for 6 years-and not willing to change it. I have dealt with it this far with the txt, restricted phone calls, and messages (delete) (delete) and so far I have only had once or twice that it really just annoyed the BLEEP out me! I guess today is one of them! What is does is the typical keeps calling restricted about 10 times in a row….then leaves txt messages-“are you mad at me?” Well Ummm DUH! Let’s see we have not spoken in how many months and you have been arrested twice and ummm gee that is a good guess!! (Is this that time stands still thing kicking in that all the A’s do?) He has now proceeded to call 7 times, left 4 text messages and 5 voice mails. Ah I will be going to the police station again after work-and he will be arrested again.
I know that part of me continues to keep my phone number because I was hoping that Verizon would come up with the phone block like they have on the home phones! No such luck yet! So I’m going to Al-anon and to my counselor and moving forward with no problems taking care of me! Focusing on me…living life happy and loving it!
So I ask you why do I not change my number? (I feel part of me has this fear that if I do cut him off totally he will come after me! As the cops have told me then cannot assure my safety-which is what the 3 cops in my family have said too! They are right-he can be arrested go to jail blah blah get out-and BAM they are not there in two minutes when he is outside my house or work or anywhere that I go! So I feel that I do it because I know how he is and how his pattern works that if he has the number (until I can block it) that I will be somewhat safe-although there are no guarantees in life! I sound and feel like a broken mess today!
I know what I want and it is not any part of that chaos anymore which I have removed from my life-I do not respond or answer the calls-and most of the time it does not bother me one bit! I actually kind of laugh! So again what is going on in my codie brain that makes us so afraid to give up what is ours for them? Does that make sense? I feel by changing my number is giving up something I have had for so long and I guess it is not a change I feel that I want to make! I have changed so much in my life for the better and now this is the last thing that I just cannot do!! Any suggestions?????? *sigh* (Sorry for the long babble!!!)
I know that part of me continues to keep my phone number because I was hoping that Verizon would come up with the phone block like they have on the home phones! No such luck yet! So I’m going to Al-anon and to my counselor and moving forward with no problems taking care of me! Focusing on me…living life happy and loving it!
So I ask you why do I not change my number? (I feel part of me has this fear that if I do cut him off totally he will come after me! As the cops have told me then cannot assure my safety-which is what the 3 cops in my family have said too! They are right-he can be arrested go to jail blah blah get out-and BAM they are not there in two minutes when he is outside my house or work or anywhere that I go! So I feel that I do it because I know how he is and how his pattern works that if he has the number (until I can block it) that I will be somewhat safe-although there are no guarantees in life! I sound and feel like a broken mess today!
I know what I want and it is not any part of that chaos anymore which I have removed from my life-I do not respond or answer the calls-and most of the time it does not bother me one bit! I actually kind of laugh! So again what is going on in my codie brain that makes us so afraid to give up what is ours for them? Does that make sense? I feel by changing my number is giving up something I have had for so long and I guess it is not a change I feel that I want to make! I have changed so much in my life for the better and now this is the last thing that I just cannot do!! Any suggestions?????? *sigh* (Sorry for the long babble!!!)
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Originally Posted by Rella927 
Ok...maybe I'm having a bad day? IMAGINE that! We are allowed those correct?
I was thinking about you changing your phone number and I don't really have any advice except to say, ask yourself how much will this matter in a week? or month? or a year? or ten years?
Phone numbers come and go...your sanity and health and freedom...those are the things that are lasting!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
i'm there with chero.
but honestly, i haven't changed my phone number either and i don't want to! granted, my ex and i are on "okay" terms, we don't hate each other, but we've both moved on. either way, i don't want to change mine because i don't feel like i should have to. why should someone else force me to do something i don't want to do? i shouldn't have to run away from my own life, and i LOVE my phone number! i've had it for 6 years, it's one that everyone knows. it's tied to all of my bills and everything!
plus a part of me thinks, what if there was a real emergency? something like 9/11, the death of a family member... what if i really needed to call her or she needed to call me to hear our voices to know we're each okay? that may not be her right to know anymore, but we both have a lot of love for each other and it won't just go away by changing a phone number...
but honestly, i haven't changed my phone number either and i don't want to! granted, my ex and i are on "okay" terms, we don't hate each other, but we've both moved on. either way, i don't want to change mine because i don't feel like i should have to. why should someone else force me to do something i don't want to do? i shouldn't have to run away from my own life, and i LOVE my phone number! i've had it for 6 years, it's one that everyone knows. it's tied to all of my bills and everything!
plus a part of me thinks, what if there was a real emergency? something like 9/11, the death of a family member... what if i really needed to call her or she needed to call me to hear our voices to know we're each okay? that may not be her right to know anymore, but we both have a lot of love for each other and it won't just go away by changing a phone number...
harleygirl92156
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Is it possible you don't change the number because deep inside you like him calling you...........still makes you feel wanted? I am not being mean, just looking at what my motive might be if I was in your position. Control could be an issue if it were me as well........he calls but I am in control if I don't answer or reply to the text messages.
Just something to think about.
Just something to think about.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I went through a similar thought process (and legl one) last year.
I personally changed ny number 3 times. But I didnt want to.
For me, I wanted the calls, to know he was alive. I didnt know I wanted them and thought I didnt, but I realized that was the issue with me.
I personally changed ny number 3 times. But I didnt want to.
For me, I wanted the calls, to know he was alive. I didnt know I wanted them and thought I didnt, but I realized that was the issue with me.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
i moved out of state and changed my phone to unlisted - my bills still found me. ha! you know what i mean - if you want to keep your number, keep it. but as long as he has it, be prepared for the calls...
it's frustrating, i know.
blessings, k
it's frustrating, i know.
blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
Take your bad day you have earned it!!!!!-It is true phone number or not if he wants to come after you he will--why torture yourself bystil getting his messages?If he can be dangerous-he needs to be completely cut off--you want no part in that...You can always let everyone you want to call you your new number
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Thank you everyone! See the sad thing is I know I should change it and cut him off totally! It is that codie brain kicking in I think like Harley said.....It is ME! I have to disagree with the " I like him calling me thing" because I actually cannot stand it ....but I guess just not enough yet to change what is my number! I know that it still will not stop even if it is changed so why give up something that is mine? I know it does not make sense....I guess just like leaving him I have to be fed up enough to change it and stop that like I did everything else!
It is like someone else posted in here why do I have to do everything and they are the one with the disease! And I know the answer because it is the only way that we can have a normal healthy happy life!
Thank you everyone for your input! (((Hugs)))
And today is a GREAT DAY!
It is like someone else posted in here why do I have to do everything and they are the one with the disease! And I know the answer because it is the only way that we can have a normal healthy happy life!
Thank you everyone for your input! (((Hugs)))
And today is a GREAT DAY!
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
I changed mine and EXAH managed to weasel it out of someone after about a month.
He, too, is facing contempt charges for obsessively calling me. My attorney had me save the voice mails, which were all over the map from threats of cutting off financial support to pleas to 'just hear my voice'. We go to court May 9.
Someone above mentioned liking the calls in a codie sort of way, and I think I would have to admit that. And I would also have to admit liking the feeling that I was in control because he was suddenly pursuing me, begging me like I used to beg him. There was a rush of codie adrenaline involved, if anyone can relate.
But honestly, not having to deal with his madness is SO much better for me and the kids. It is very much like being weaned off of a drug....
He has stopped calling for now.
He, too, is facing contempt charges for obsessively calling me. My attorney had me save the voice mails, which were all over the map from threats of cutting off financial support to pleas to 'just hear my voice'. We go to court May 9.
Someone above mentioned liking the calls in a codie sort of way, and I think I would have to admit that. And I would also have to admit liking the feeling that I was in control because he was suddenly pursuing me, begging me like I used to beg him. There was a rush of codie adrenaline involved, if anyone can relate.
But honestly, not having to deal with his madness is SO much better for me and the kids. It is very much like being weaned off of a drug....
He has stopped calling for now.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Duet-yes I guess that is a better way of relating to it-"admitting liking the feeling that I was in control" I see what you are saying!!! Maybe that is it!
And well....getting the number from someone-"weasel" yes they are good at this!! I moved in November two streets away....and also changed my job in September (not because of him) but needless to say he managed to get this out of one of my NOT FRIEND now....my best friend did not like this old friend of mine-and she is a pretty good judge of character-and she could not stand the fact I spoke to this OLD FRIEND. This old friend was talking to him behind my back and lying about it in the midst of all the major chaos going on and that is when she told him about my possible moves! So I think you are right they always do manage to weasel things out some how!
Thank you duet!
And well....getting the number from someone-"weasel" yes they are good at this!! I moved in November two streets away....and also changed my job in September (not because of him) but needless to say he managed to get this out of one of my NOT FRIEND now....my best friend did not like this old friend of mine-and she is a pretty good judge of character-and she could not stand the fact I spoke to this OLD FRIEND. This old friend was talking to him behind my back and lying about it in the midst of all the major chaos going on and that is when she told him about my possible moves! So I think you are right they always do manage to weasel things out some how!
Thank you duet!
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
You're welcome!
From another perspective, as my best friend (a recovering A) told me, it is not good for HIM to be able to keep calling and obsessing over me. As long as he can do that, he doesn't have to take a look at himself. He can continue to focus on me, and tell everyone how 'cruel and heartless and unforgiving' I am. And use me as his excuse, like he always has. *Sigh*
Hang in there and take care of YOU.
From another perspective, as my best friend (a recovering A) told me, it is not good for HIM to be able to keep calling and obsessing over me. As long as he can do that, he doesn't have to take a look at himself. He can continue to focus on me, and tell everyone how 'cruel and heartless and unforgiving' I am. And use me as his excuse, like he always has. *Sigh*
Hang in there and take care of YOU.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i experienced this phone number deal also....i could not change my number, because it is my business number also. so that was a moot point.
however, if i could have changed it, i would not have changed it. i agree with elizabeth that in the beginning, i needed to at least hear his voice in some way. i moved past that, finally.
but things progressed, and now i think.....bullshirt on that one!!!! after getting past wanting to hear his voice, i was determined that i had already lost too much to this rotten situation......and i wouldn't want to lose my little ole phone number, too.
anyway, i'd bet my last dollar that i thought about it a whole lot more than my x did.....he was probably drinking away, cooking on a grill somewhere, and giving it all very little thought until he got wasted and wanted to terrorize me via phone. i occuppied maybe 20 minutes out of every two weeks for his antics, and here i was......thinking about his next move all the damn time.
i took back my power. he no longer has any of it. (well, maybe he still has a little corner in my brain....)
however, if i could have changed it, i would not have changed it. i agree with elizabeth that in the beginning, i needed to at least hear his voice in some way. i moved past that, finally.
but things progressed, and now i think.....bullshirt on that one!!!! after getting past wanting to hear his voice, i was determined that i had already lost too much to this rotten situation......and i wouldn't want to lose my little ole phone number, too.
anyway, i'd bet my last dollar that i thought about it a whole lot more than my x did.....he was probably drinking away, cooking on a grill somewhere, and giving it all very little thought until he got wasted and wanted to terrorize me via phone. i occuppied maybe 20 minutes out of every two weeks for his antics, and here i was......thinking about his next move all the damn time.
i took back my power. he no longer has any of it. (well, maybe he still has a little corner in my brain....)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I think they can be in our brain but they don't program it anymore. Once you take bac your own power, he can call of not, you decide when and if to answer. I think it is very typical not to realize we were programmed. It is very normal to realize it is fear that they used. Afraid of rejection, fear of guilt, fear of them physically, mostly fear that the things they have said to us or the names they have called us might be true.
aI think the longer your are apart the more dectixified you become. The proof is this, who else thinks badly of you? Who else calls you names? Do people seek your wisdom or do they tell you what an idiot you are? Eventually, we stop wanting to talk to them because they are such a source of negativity in an otherwise healthy existance.
aI think the longer your are apart the more dectixified you become. The proof is this, who else thinks badly of you? Who else calls you names? Do people seek your wisdom or do they tell you what an idiot you are? Eventually, we stop wanting to talk to them because they are such a source of negativity in an otherwise healthy existance.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Gee let me answer your questions mallow ......ahhhh tuff one there hon! I see your point too-and agree 100%
I do not need or want that source of negativity in my life anymore and will not allow it!
Thank you everyone!
I do not need or want that source of negativity in my life anymore and will not allow it!
Thank you everyone!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
The best thing of all is finding out that people actually like you. They think you are funny and smart. They say nice things to you and you enjoy conversations again. When you see people coming toward you or you see the caller ID, you immediately have a reaction. You think, "OH! great, now what!?", or you think, "Hey, Hi, hello, it's nice to hear from you, how nice of you to call".
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Ha Ha not to laugh 
Mallow are you in my brain? Ha Ha I use to say that all the time "Oh GREAT! Now WHAT!!!!!! The feeling of hearing the phone ring and seeing someone else's number come up is a wonderful feeling! When his number comes up-95% of the time (except yesterday) I go oh brother and hit the ignore button and continue on my path of happiness!
Ha Ha I'm still laughing at you! Your great Mallow!!
Mallow are you in my brain? Ha Ha I use to say that all the time "Oh GREAT! Now WHAT!!!!!! The feeling of hearing the phone ring and seeing someone else's number come up is a wonderful feeling! When his number comes up-95% of the time (except yesterday) I go oh brother and hit the ignore button and continue on my path of happiness! Ha Ha I'm still laughing at you! Your great Mallow!!
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