new here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 1
new here
I am new here. A week ago my husband and I learned our son(27 yrs old) is a heroin addict. I guess there were signs we chose to ignore. We found out after he stole a substantial sum of money from us. Our son said he was going to a metadone clinic for about 3 months and deceided he could do it himself. He swears he is not using and is trying to get his life together, but alot of what he says does not add up.
My mind cannot even function at this point. I want to support him in his recovery, I want to believe he is working toward that, but I do not want to fall for lies.
Searching the internet for info I came across this website. I have found a couple of Nar anon meeting places, have not gone yet. I haven't totally accepted what I know it true.
My mind cannot even function at this point. I want to support him in his recovery, I want to believe he is working toward that, but I do not want to fall for lies.
Searching the internet for info I came across this website. I have found a couple of Nar anon meeting places, have not gone yet. I haven't totally accepted what I know it true.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Southwestern, Pennsylvania
Posts: 210
I'm sorry you have to be here, but you found a great place to find support. I know life itself seems surreal when you discover your child is a heroin addict. Mine is too, and I can tell you from experience that if things aren't adding up to you, then you are probably right. Heroin isn't a drug that an addict can usually just 'stop' doing. There is a period of sickness involved, which is what usually gets them using again. After a while, they have to use to avoid getting sick..it's a terrible drug from hell.
Supporting him in his recovery is a good thing, as long as you don't let yourself fall into the role of enabler. At first we all think we can 'fix' the addict, I learned here and from experience, that we can't 'fix' them...they have to want to fix themselves. I can't count how many times my AS tried and failed to get off the heroin. He is clean at the moment, but I know that if he decides to use again..he's going to use and there isn't anything I can do to stop him.
There will be some wonderful and supportive people along soon, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and you are in a great place here.
Supporting him in his recovery is a good thing, as long as you don't let yourself fall into the role of enabler. At first we all think we can 'fix' the addict, I learned here and from experience, that we can't 'fix' them...they have to want to fix themselves. I can't count how many times my AS tried and failed to get off the heroin. He is clean at the moment, but I know that if he decides to use again..he's going to use and there isn't anything I can do to stop him.
There will be some wonderful and supportive people along soon, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone and you are in a great place here.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome to sr, glad you're hear but hate the situation, the addict in my life is my husband, so i do understand how you feel. the meetings will be a big help in learning to take care of you and allowing your son to take care of himself. there is not much you can do to help him other than learn to take care of you. i know its hard, i have kids too. nobody want to except anything less than what is good for their kids. keep posting and reading, have you read the stickies at the top of the forum page? knowledge is power, read all you can.
there are a lot of moms here, who are so wise and caring, and want to walk with you through all of this. its never easy but it does get better.
there are a lot of moms here, who are so wise and caring, and want to walk with you through all of this. its never easy but it does get better.
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
Welcome Scarlet. I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you found us. My ex husband is the addict in my life. He uses cocaine and smokes crack. When I first found out I was numb from head to toe. I've seen after school specials and lifetime movies about drugs but never thought it would affect my life. Addiction changes everything.
Please keep posting. The folks here are great and will not judge.
Please keep posting. The folks here are great and will not judge.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 168
Welcome, I am sorry to hear about your son, but it is a good sign that he wants to get help for his addiction. My husband is the addict in my life (addict husband=AH) he currently is in impatient rehab. His drug of choice (DOC) is cocaine.
There are so many great people here with wonderful advice, I love coming here for my daily dose of thearpy. Just keep coming back and keep reading and posting. The stickies at the top of the page are also excellent reading.
Prayers & Hugs,
Tiffany
There are so many great people here with wonderful advice, I love coming here for my daily dose of thearpy. Just keep coming back and keep reading and posting. The stickies at the top of the page are also excellent reading.
Prayers & Hugs,
Tiffany
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Welcome to SR... another mom of addicts here.
This is a good place to get lots of information, and when you are ready to find a face to face meeting. I go to Alanon because there are few Naranon in my area... but CODA meetings (codependent anonymous) are also good meetings to attend.
I felt better, and my life GOT better after I started attending face to face meetings.
Until then, though...welcome!! I hope you can find here what you need.
((hugs))
This is a good place to get lots of information, and when you are ready to find a face to face meeting. I go to Alanon because there are few Naranon in my area... but CODA meetings (codependent anonymous) are also good meetings to attend.
I felt better, and my life GOT better after I started attending face to face meetings.
Until then, though...welcome!! I hope you can find here what you need.
((hugs))
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Welcome, Scarlet. You've found a great place for support and understanding.
I go to face to face meetings, along with reading on this board, and both have helped me tremendously. You could go to Al Anon or Nar Anon, whichever you can find because they basically are the same.
Those meetings helped me come to accept that my daughter is addicted. I didn't want to believe it for a long time. I, too, ignored obvious signs because I just didn't want to face it. But through my meetings and this board, I've come to a much better place in my life. It's hard work, but it sure beats the way I was living....scared to death, worrying and trying to control my daughter's behavior which was impossible.
I hope you'll stick around. We're here for you, so make yourself at home.
Hugs from a mama who understands,
Hangin' In
I go to face to face meetings, along with reading on this board, and both have helped me tremendously. You could go to Al Anon or Nar Anon, whichever you can find because they basically are the same.
Those meetings helped me come to accept that my daughter is addicted. I didn't want to believe it for a long time. I, too, ignored obvious signs because I just didn't want to face it. But through my meetings and this board, I've come to a much better place in my life. It's hard work, but it sure beats the way I was living....scared to death, worrying and trying to control my daughter's behavior which was impossible.
I hope you'll stick around. We're here for you, so make yourself at home.
Hugs from a mama who understands,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
((((scarlet))))) i am the mother of an a.s. also. my son started hard drugs (crack)when he was 21. he was in prison by the time he was 23 & has been in & out since, mostly in. i am glad you have found us & can start your recovery.i never found it until 3 yrs. ago. please learn to take care of yourself.i am so sorry this has happened in your family.as sad as it is there is nothing you can do for your son. he has got to want recovery really bad in order for him to get clean & stay clean.please go to meetings. i am happy u & your husband are working together.it is a long hard road but we can have a life with our recovery.i am saying a prayer for you & your family.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((Scarlet))))))))
Hi and welcome. Another mom here.
You've come to a great place for support and understanding.
Keep coming back and start going to meetings.
Sending prayers to you and your family today.
Hi and welcome. Another mom here.
You've come to a great place for support and understanding.
Keep coming back and start going to meetings.
Sending prayers to you and your family today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome Scarlett, Another mom here. Daughter, 20, addicted to heroin and most any opiate she can get. Feel free to post whatever is on your mind, whenever you start to feel overwhelmed. We are all here to help each other. Hugs, Marle
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
Welcome, Scarlet.
Another mom here, addict daughter is 26 and now has a daughter of her own (with addict bf who is now in fed. prison). Granddaughter is 20 mos. old. My AD started smoking pot at 15 and it progressed to cocaine, crack and whatever. She says, no, she INSISTS that she is clean but only "occassionally" smokes weed and takes a couple pills every now and then!
That's NOT clean.
When I first came here, I left, telling myself that everyone here was wrong. MY daughter was not like theirs and I could "fix" her if I just knew what to do. I was in such denial and desparately in search of the "answer".
Unfortunately, I did not find the answer for a "fix". After a desparate search that lead me back here, I finally had to "accept" and admit that this beautiful, talented, smart, and trustworthy daughter was an addict and then I had to accept what was even worse - that I could NOT fix her or even help her.
You cannot control the behavior of your addict son; you can only control how much you let it control you. You need to focus on you and learn recovery skills so you don't become as sick or sicker than he.
You are among friends and you are not alone. Pull up a comforable chair. Welcome to our family here at SR.
marteen
Another mom here, addict daughter is 26 and now has a daughter of her own (with addict bf who is now in fed. prison). Granddaughter is 20 mos. old. My AD started smoking pot at 15 and it progressed to cocaine, crack and whatever. She says, no, she INSISTS that she is clean but only "occassionally" smokes weed and takes a couple pills every now and then!
That's NOT clean.
When I first came here, I left, telling myself that everyone here was wrong. MY daughter was not like theirs and I could "fix" her if I just knew what to do. I was in such denial and desparately in search of the "answer".
Unfortunately, I did not find the answer for a "fix". After a desparate search that lead me back here, I finally had to "accept" and admit that this beautiful, talented, smart, and trustworthy daughter was an addict and then I had to accept what was even worse - that I could NOT fix her or even help her.
You cannot control the behavior of your addict son; you can only control how much you let it control you. You need to focus on you and learn recovery skills so you don't become as sick or sicker than he.
You are among friends and you are not alone. Pull up a comforable chair. Welcome to our family here at SR.
marteen
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
We all have been in that shock/denial stage and believe it or not it is so much better to accept and deal. It does take time so give yourself that. My AS is just about to finish his fourth round at rehab...maybe he will make it this time, maybe he won't. But I know I am in a better place because of this forum and the advice I have received here. take care of you...
krhea
krhea
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 285
And another mom of a 22 year old son who is addicted to opiates. Welcome. My a.s. I believe, has been using for over 2 years. After trying several times to stop himself, my husband and I finally had to throw him out. He was stealing any money he could get his hands on. We sent him on his way with no money or transportation.
Luckily, he called a friend whose dad agreed to take him in. He seems to be doing fine there and found a job and supposedly has been clean for the 6 weeks he's been gone. Maybe this is exactly what he needed.
Good luck with your son. Maybe this time he'll succeed.
Luckily, he called a friend whose dad agreed to take him in. He seems to be doing fine there and found a job and supposedly has been clean for the 6 weeks he's been gone. Maybe this is exactly what he needed.
Good luck with your son. Maybe this time he'll succeed.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Welcome to SR. It is heartbreaking when you find out that a person you love most in this world is addicted to drugs. Opiates are especially tough. (IMHO)
I think everyone has already said what is important. Your son will have to hoe this row himself; that is the only way he will stay clean forever. Be strong and visit us whenever you want. There is almost always someone around on the board.
(((HUGS)))
I think everyone has already said what is important. Your son will have to hoe this row himself; that is the only way he will stay clean forever. Be strong and visit us whenever you want. There is almost always someone around on the board.
(((HUGS)))
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Welcome to SR!!! Sorry you have to be here. My daughter is my addict in my life. She's turning 30 this month and for the past 8 mths I've been raising her 12 year old son. We are both heartbroken, and still trying to come to terms with everything. She was a nurse with a car, apt, new furniture....etc., etc. Now she is homeless, and turning tricks for a fix!!
Heartbreaking stuff, but glad you've found us. There are some wonderful books out there about addiction, and reading helps a lot. One book highly recommended is "Co-dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Dealing with addiction sends everyone into a tail spin. Normal things people do to help their children, we cannot do. Any time you try to help them get on track, you are actually fueling their addiction. Giving them a warm bed, food, money, anything to help them....allows spare money to be spent on drugs.
Anyway, didn't mean to go on and on....just wanted to say Hey, and welcome
NSW
Heartbreaking stuff, but glad you've found us. There are some wonderful books out there about addiction, and reading helps a lot. One book highly recommended is "Co-dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Dealing with addiction sends everyone into a tail spin. Normal things people do to help their children, we cannot do. Any time you try to help them get on track, you are actually fueling their addiction. Giving them a warm bed, food, money, anything to help them....allows spare money to be spent on drugs.
Anyway, didn't mean to go on and on....just wanted to say Hey, and welcome
NSW
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: tween Mich.and Fla
Posts: 74
Welcome, Our son is 27 and has been using for about 10 yrs. He stole from us, his sister and pawned stuff. Also in jail for a total of 15 months for stealing to support his habit. Now clean for about 3 weeks since he is in a mission half way house. And working. He was always able to get a job. Just never lasted long. This is his last chance. Cannt come home. So he has to take care of himself now. It hurts when you realize that your own kid has no respect for your possesions. Its the drugs. Go to meetings and be others that are there to support you. This is a great place to be. They are all great people.
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