Bjen

My A got sentenced three years in prison yesterday. He was thinking 8 months. The longest he has ever done is 9 months. He can't even go up for parole for a year and a half. I know this is better for me. I know it could be very good for him I know i need to move on with my life and not worry about him. I pray that he continues to search for what will help him stay sober when he gets out.

But, there's my heart. It is sad again. I hurt. He says he deserves what he got. The only thing he is really worried about is his daughter. She will graduate before he gets out. He cried about that. All I wanted to do at that moment was find a way to get there and hug him. I hate for people I care for to hurt. I could see his face in my mind and I just wanted to hug him and make him feel better.

Again, I know it is probably a Godsend. I pray for him. I pray for me. I am just sad, it sucks and I miss him. That is such a long time.

I haven't visited SR for a few days and it shows. I didn't realize how much strength you all give me. Thank you for that. I'll have to stick around more.

B

MsGolightly

bjen, i'm so sorry that you're hurting. i'll be thinking of both of you.

try to look on the bright side of it... everything happens for a reason. perhaps the reason for this is that he will find a reason to enter recovery - being in prison will give him plenty of time to examine himself and see that he can live without any kind of substances in his body.

and this will give you time to think about yourself. he's stuck in there and you can't do anything about it. you're right, it is probably a godsend. this may change your life... for the better.

newenglandgirl

Hey (((Bjen))). It is a sad time, but just like you said, this will be a good time for you to get your life back together and work on you. We missed you here...so keep posting!
hugs,
neg

mallowcup

I'm s sorry for him and you, but why do I feel like this might save his life and turn his life around? I always try to think that God won't make it any worse or any longer than it has to be. Parole in a year and a half isn't great news but it is incentive. We're here and we care so much.

dollydo

The HP holds all the cards and knows how to play them.

This may be the wake up call he needs to finally put his life on track.

In the meantime, you need to take care of you, don't put your life on hold "hoping" for a miracle.

Hugs,
Dolly

elizabeth1979

I remember when my ex was facing prison, the first time. I knew it would be out of my hands and would happen as it should or shouldnt. It still hurt like hell.
Im sorry for your pain.
Is there anything you have been wanting to do but havent gotten around too? A class, or a new book, or a new hobby?

chero

Bjen, So sorry you are hurting. I'm praying you can now focus on you and let him focus on him.

Hugs and prayers! Cheryl

LGLG07

so sorry you are hurting . i have no words to say but everything happens for a reason , like everyone said , it may just save his life , something even worse might have been around the crnr if he continued living like he was.

God Bless you , many prayers sent your way
(())

HolyQow

I am not into the HP's and such, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I even believe that I am married to an alcoholic for a reason....just haven't figured out why yet. Detaching and working on yourself, doesn't mean that you can't still love/care about an alcoholic. Don't beat yourself up for still having a heart....be glad that yours hasn't hardened to stone like mine. (well maybe like wood, it isn't completely impenatrateable yet).

Use this time wisely, view it like an opportunity instead of anything negative. I wish you well, and also want you to know that you don't have to leave here, just because you aren't actively living with an A, because the damage has already been done, so you get to stay, and we would miss you if you go

steve11694

Prison time is indeed one of the incentives to get clean, according to many at AA meetings.

HolyQow

Well since they have to hit bottom before getting better, I would guess there isn't much farther down they can drop from prison. My only opinion of this, is it is forced. Much like an intervention. They are not getting clean because they have hit bottom and want help.....they are getting help forced upon them, and may end up resenting it. What works for some, may not work for others. Let's hope this is one that it works on

kb615sb

who in the world say you can not get drunk or use in prison? My husband has been down for 10 years and while he has remained sober that entire time...I know what is available....depending on the state things are what they are...AA and NA are available everywhere...that is a plus but everything else must come from within.....

his time is his..that is th efirst thingyou need to realize....I do not mean to sound harsh..but after 26 years of this game I know it well....in that time almost 20 of it I have spent without my husband....

Rella927

Bjen (((Hugs))) and not to sound repetitive but everything does happen for a reason and God never gives us more than we can handle. I'm dealing with my X facing prison as well now- I feel badly but I do not. He made his choices and realizes what he has done-so this is probably a God send for him, yours and other A's ... there is help in prison as my A brother is seeking that in there now-AA meetings among other things...all we can do is pray for them that something will work if this is not the answer and hand it over to the higher power and in the meantime take care of ourselves.

Bless you Bjen and prayers! (((Hugs XOXO)))

parentrecovers

thinking about you, bjen. blessings, k

Sunflower

Hey I have been wondering where you have been--I have missed you.Yes the brain tells you one thing but the heart another-as it explodes into a billion pieces!!!I am sorry for his daughter as well as this will surely dampen her graduation. It is a huge lesson for him--he is going to miss an event that you just can't do over againin life.
You sound like you are OK--I hope so. My biggest fear is prison for my AS--I don't knnow if I could survive it-I almost had to be hospitalised when he was in for a few days!!!!! Rock bottom? I am not sure if it is but I hope it is for his sake-maybe this will save him.Stay strong!!!

appleblaster

aw bjen it does suck. the whole alcoholism thing sucks. that's where acceptance comes in. no matter what your spiritual beliefs I think we all can agree that everything happens for a reason. i'm sure he is just as devastated as you are.

my thoughts are with you both. come here often. we love you.

Bjen

You guys are so awesome, thank for all your support. I am having problems with my computer at home. It is hard to find private time at work to visit with you guys.
I talked to him the day after I posted and he misunderstood his sentence. He should be up for parole in January. If he gets it he will see Kim graduate. I hope it is long enough for him. I don't know. I don't know what to do about it. I know deep in my heart that I shouldn't be with him. I hope by the time he gets out I will be able to do that. From the conversations we have had I believe he knows that too. Hopefully, we will both be in a place to keep it just friendly and healthy.
Thank you guys again. I can't tell you how much your words mean to me. Hugs to you all!!!! I love you too!!!!! B

Pick-a-name

(((Bjen)))

lilac

(((Bjen))) I am so sorry you are hurting. Let it for now. God has a plan for all of this.

Sunflower

So good to hear you are handling this so well!!!
Take time now for yourself and make some choices.
I hope he is out in time for the daughters graduation--for both their sakes!! Keep posting!!