suckrpunched

I am new but have been reading this forum for months. It has been extemely helpful on dark days.....

spouse is an active adderall addict.

Addict is very much in and out of our kids lives.....when sober, is extremely involved.
When he disappears on a week binge.....and isn't there for the kids activities.......
I struggle with what to tell others when asked where is dad? It's so embarrassing.....especially uncomfortable for the kids.....
Don't want to lie for him...I know that's not the right thing to do....but can anyone shed some light on handling this kind of stuff?

teke

welcome to sr, glad you joined us but hate the circumstances. sorry that you have to go through all of this, the addict in my life is my husband. there is not much you can do other than to do what you need for you and the kids and let him own his own misery. recommend alanon and naranon meetings and the book called "co dependant no more". youre come to a good place for help, there are a lot of caring understanding people here who what to walk with you through all of this. keep posting and i'll keep you and yours in my prayers

suckrpunched

Thanks Teke,

I have been to alanon off and on and have read the book Codependent No More....for what seems like a million times.....

I have taken steps to take care of me and the kids. I moved out 8 months ago with the kids and am trying to get myself into a position to care for myself and kids and divorce after 13 years of hell.

The embarrassment of this for me and the kids and his threats of suicide have been the hardest things for me to grasp and come to terms with.

Thank you for your support and prayers.

marle

suckrpunched, Glad to see you posting. My daughter is my addict, but her crack addicted boyfriend has three daughters that lived with them for about a year. I have such sympathy for the children of addicts. I work in a school setting and I know how mean other kids can be. I know that my daughter's boyfriend's girls went through a lot trying to keep their dad's addiction a secret and trying to live a normal life. I guess the best explanation is to let your kids know that dad is sick. That his sickness is what causes him to do the things he does. That it has nothing to do with what they do or don't do and that they are still good people despite what their dad does. You getting healthy will also benefit them so if you can make a meeting where you will have support from others in your situation, that would be a good thing. If not, then please continue to come here and say what you need to say. We are here for you. Hugs, Marle

teke

i agree with marle, about the kids and what to tell them, my therapist told me once that once i got better, so would my kids, i think that you are doing great. i do understand the threats and how scarey they can be, maybe the next time he threatens sucide that you could call him so help. he may not agree to recieve the help but you never know about sucide threats.

sometime addicts do and say all kinds of stuff if they think that it would get them their way. sorry that this is happening to you and your kids, stay strong and stick to your boundaries. still praying for ya

hope213

welcome suckrpunch,we r glad to have you with us.i think the kids are the ones who suffer the most,especilly the older one.kids can be cruel. do you have alateen near you. no matter if it is alcohol or drugs the steps are the same.maybe they could go & can learn a little about what is going on with there dad. you sound good in your recovery.keep coming back.prayers,hope