elizabeth1979

Not once, but 50% of the time my dad calls me my moms name or my brothers name. It really irks me. He's done this for as long as I can remember and its not relative to alcohol consumption.


Im at a loss for why he cant seem to remember what my name is after 27 years..anyone got anything on this?

best

Hello Sarah

or is it Jean?

Many times when I do such it is a matter of multitasking that is going on in my mind. My daughter may say something that makes me think of #1 son and as I go to answer her I call her his name. My #2 son gets urked when I do it and will say... ummm mom, I mean dad *LOL*
Just mixed thoughts as we try to use our lips before engaging our brains.

Missminime

My dad has been doing this for as far as i can remember. Ive been called my brothers names and they have been called mine.. My dad just started to call my younger brother and me Magnus cause its a bit of a mix of both names, lol.

And my mom ALWAYS mix my brohters name up, no kidding.

And ask a teacher how many times they have been called "mum" by students. I can remember kids saying that more then once by accident back in school.

edit: i might add that non of my parents are alcoholics, they are workoholics and very confused sometimes haha.

Peter

My mother calls me by my uncles name all the time whenever we have a intense discussion , but I think that might be because I display mannerisims similar to her brother's which triggers her memory.

elizabeth1979

OK, maybe Im off here..but here are my thoughts.
My family of origin had zero boundaries. Everything was everybodys business. Mom and dads marital problems were discussed with me and my brother, my brother and I were not allowed privacy at any level, and my role was often to be the 'mother hen' of the house. Until I messed up somehow and then I was chastised and punished as a 3 year old. My dad often took me on 'dates' and I was expected to fufill some of his needs he wasnt getting from mom for one reason or another.
So, am I reading too much into this? I know parents are busy but this bothers me that my own dad cant call me the right name. Maybe I should be asking why it bothers me, instead of why he does it or if anyone else has happen.
It bother me bc I feel unimportant, like I only exist to fill his needs and its not really important who I am or what my name is, only that I react the way he wants me to and hey if I call you the wrong name, dont worry- its not important who you are anyway! I also feel that my father treats people poorly in general, but he shows such a lack of respect for my mother it disgusts me. So, somehow when he calls me her name, I feel he is disrespecting me.

Ok, this is sounding very codependent isnt it?

Peter

For years it used to bother me that my mother had beautiful pictures of all her other children in gold and silver frames and all she had of me was an ugly black and white passport sized photo stuck in the corner of one of the other frames.

It doesn't bother me anymore.

Sometimes parents love some kids more than others. It is a fact of life that happens. I cannot stop my mother from loving my siblings more than she loves me, all I can do is accept it and move on with my life.

You already understand that your father holds some members of your family in poor regard and there is very little you will ever be able to do to change it.I guess you already know that.

In time you will learn to let go of the pain that the people we love and care about can cause us.

deedee

My dad did this all of his life ... there's six of us kids so he had a lot of names to choose from. I could never understand why he couldn't keep us straight. Now that I'm older, I catch myself doing the same thing.

GiveLove

My parents both did this, especially my mom, who would sometimes sputter out the beginnings of a couple of others before she got it right. There was so much other disrespect going on that we chose not to make a big deal out of this particular thing. Actually, it's become kind of a joke. We (the siblings) started to call each other the wrong name, or even the conglomerates of names, and we all find it funny.

The rest, well, not so funny. But this is innocent enough to us.

GL

elizabeth1979

Thanks everyone. Guess Im just sesitive on the issue

GingerM

Slightly related: I have a bad tendency to slip up names between people who have similar personality traits or from whom I'm looking for similar behaviors.

With an almost embarassing amount of regularity, I call my boss by my husband's name and my husband by my boss' name. Not because I get them confused, but because they both have many traits in common (this is a good thing). I usually make the slip when I'm asking one of them to do something for me which I might ask the other one to do.

I blame it on early onset senile dementia

22Tango

Sometimes when my mom was frazzled, she used to call me Cocoa....that was the dog's name.

I try to remember what my late grandpa used to say - "You can call me anything you like, but don't call me late to supper".

Maybe parents should just do what boxer George Foreman did - he named all 6 of his sons George.

ICU

In looking back over my childhood and into my adulthood (through the eyes of hurt, anger and eventually into my current 'process' of recovery), I've often asked myself, "why was I born?" Not, "gee, I'm glad I was born...but rather...why?" The only answer that made sense was that as the last child born into my family, I was summoned to be the family 'organ donor'. Take from me my spirit, my soul, my heart whenever and as often as you need to based on what 'your' needs are. What was left made me feel like a rotting carcass...trying to be a whole person unto myself, but missing some vital organs that others in my family stole from me to make them feel whole. As vile as that sounds is as vile as I felt. I still sometimes feel that way.

In the rare instances I would stand up for myself and speak to what 'my needs were at the time' I was told in no uncertain terms that "I was in the way", I was an "inconvenience" etc. I cannot begin to tell you how much the sentence "you are in the way" messes with my mind. It angers me to the core!

This cuts me so deeply, I actually feel sick to my stomach as I respond. I think I should stop now...not sure I'm being of much use to you anyway.

BTW, my Dad rarely called me by my real name as a kid, but rather addressed me as "wet nose", and "juvenile" and "cry baby". Calling me my mother's or sibling's name would have been an improvement, LOL (but, it's not really funny).