teej

I started drinking again 2 nights ago. jumping back on the wagon in a couple days. My best friend is here for a few days, so I'm not even going to try day 1 until I'm alone during the day and I can go through detoxing. I felt a bazillion times better free of beer. My concentration is practically zip right now. I hate having to start over at day 1, but hey nobody poured the **** down my throat, I did it all on my own.
I know what I need to do.

TINLIZZY

TJ -

Why wait? It will only get harder!!

If she is your best friend, maybe she can help you. You don't need to do it alone! After just a couple of days, the detox should not be bad, and you friend can help keep you active, involved, and SOBER!!

TinLizzy

stone

Hi teej. I know you will jump back on the wagon! It's just a slip and all those sober days are money in the bank, now you know you can do it you can do it again.

topetah

hello tj. well seems like i cant make it myself also. i had almost 20 days and last weekend i drank and did some coke. spent too much money and now im sober two days yet again. dont know if i will ever get a hold of this addiction. but i keep trying. thats all we can do. i hope all the best for you. im getting real good at letting myself down these days. just pick yourself up and try try again. good luck....jason

chrisj728

Hey tj, dust yourself down, dont see it as a slip just a reminder of how sneaky alcohol is. You gave yourself a reason to drink and BANG king alcohol was the one waiting to greet you. Just re-read your first step you can now underline the powerless bit, or highlite it in red. Use the tools that you have been given so far to come through it, remembering that to feel guilt for your actions will only lead to further drinking and turmoil. tj you got so much strength that this will surely only be a temporary loss in belief. Hop back on tj !!!!

Get strong again tj your worth it !

chris

Golfman

"Guess I just got weak?" No, you just got screwed and didn't get kissed. The sad thing is that it was you who screwed you. That's almost impossible to do physically, but easy to do when you're dealing with this disease. I can be all lovey dovey, warm and fuzzy, but that's only goes so far. While I'm sorry you slipped, I'm not surprised. Check this out:

S -sobriety
L - lost
I - it's
P - priority

You sobriety lost it's number one position in your mind. Maybe your friend's visit became number one, or maybe your thoughts of your son leaving in June became number one. But one thing's for sure, stayin' sober ain't number one right now. Here's hoping it makes it back to being the top rung on the priority ladder.

Yours in sobriety,
Ed

escape2day

thank you so much for saying "all those sober days are money in the bank". it's been so discouraging to me thru the years to have to start all over every time i slip--because i wasn't being perfectly sober every single solitary day of my life. so i would just throw up my hands (and they would come down with a beer in them) now i'm counting all my days and i believe that counting the drinking along with the "non-drinking" days gives me more incentive to not drink.it's been quite an eye opener as to how many days i do actually drink.
**really the actual eye opener came when i made an account at joe's goals (http://joesgoals.com). one of my negative goals (represented by a red x) is drinking (one beer is one red x) one of my positive goals is drinking water (represented by a green check). it totals whatever you put down good or bad (subtracting or adding for each day) you can put as many goals (positive or negative) and keep track each day--real easy for me. i put a button on my toolbar (with the link to my chart) and all i do is click it either each morning or before i go to bed to update what i've done on a particular day.

this past weekend i slipped too tj. and it was wasn't what i wanted to be looking at on my goal chart. but i'm 2 days back into sober. im going to see those red x's for another 5 days now and i have been looking at them. but there are green checks too so i don't feel as bad as if i was just remembering the lost weekend--that has made me even want to drink more in the past. you know, what the heck-i already spoiled it so why shouldn't i have a beer today too?
the goal chart has been something concrete for me to look at and examine/think about. today and yesterday i've been sick. i think that the alcohol weakened my immune system. so i'm thinking about that and not being as critical of myself -- yes i drank and no it did not bring me any happiness or the relaxation i was seeking.

sorry about the long post tj--i thought maybe joe's goals might interest you too and also i noticed you have been here on the forum awhile--i applaud you for your effort to keep trying (it makes me feel better that i'm not alone in my very numerous attempts of day one) i hope to be around awhile too and to keep trying every day. i want to join the other people in saying hop back on.
i did. (thank God the wagon always has a seat for me!)

1_day@_a_time

YOU know the path back, take it!

parentrecovers

thinking about you, tj. k

topetah

thank you escape2day. im going to use that tool for now on. im glad you have told us about that. always nice to see the results right infront of your face. you can put as many goals as you want to. thinking of quiting smoking cigs also. that chart will be a big help. thanks again...jason

bee62

Teej

So sorry about your relapse. I know how you must feel. What was it about last weekend? I almost did it myself-I was so so close. LONELY was my gig this time. I know the stress about your son would drive any sane woman crazy...praying for you, take care of yourself...
\
Love ya
melissa

Tazman53

TJ glad to see you came clean with us, maybe it is time to come clean with your friend and others.

Did you tell your friend you had quit drinking?

It is a lot easier to say "I quit drinking" to a friend then it is to look in the mirror and say to yourself "I screwed up!".

Hon slips happen and learning from them and getting right back on the wagon is crucial, but to say "Oh well might as well keep on drinking until my friend leaves" is not being honest with your friend and as Ed said it is not keeping your sobriety as your #1 priority, you are making your pride #1.

nogard

put the drink down and continue with recovery, no holidays in recovery.

Kevin

hope3

Hi tj, thanks for your honesty, I hope you get on

with recovery without to much pain, your friend

in recovery, hope3

teej

Thank you everyone. I feel like you do really care, as I do you in time of need. And I will definitely need you Thursday.

My mom just called me and she's scared. It seems that she thinks this is all Kelly's fault (hubby). She wants to "have a talk" with him. I said ok, but omfg, what is she gonna say? I've told her everything about myself, she's my mom, I tell her everything. This isnt Kelly's fault. I mean he might be a dud in the sack, and drink in front of me and flirt with other women, but I should be able to deal with it. I cant though. It's crazy, now that I've had sober time, I think I'm finding that this marriage isn't what I thought it was. All I know is I'm ****** up in the head right now and beer is making it worse. I seem to be able to sweep thinks under the rug much easier sober.

Surlyredhead

It took losing everyone and everything for me to quit drinking...I lost my husband, my Son, my family and friends, my job, my home and my dignity. I was in trouble with the law, robbed at gun point, beaten (28 stitches one time)...basically at deaths door banging to get in.....thank God I made it to Rehab before death opened the door.
I also kept slipping, until I lost any hope to ever get sober.....this DOES NOT have to happen to you!!! Stop NOW...don't wait until Thursday. Recovery MUST be the MOST important thing in your life for it to work.

My prayers are with you....Cathy

teej

I guess I just know how hard the first few days are, so I'm putting it off. But you are right on the money. I should put it down right now.

Surlyredhead

You only have to go through the first day sober once.....why put it off. If you stop today, by Thursday, you will feel pretty good, also, you will have a few days under your belt before the weekend......I know you can do this.

chrisj728

tj you know we all care about you here on sr, you have helped us all in the past when we've been the needy ones. tj you got used to dealing with life on lifes terms for 66 days and now the alcohol is back to its devious tricks.
I'm sure your mom is only thinking for the best reasons and she wont want to add to the prob by giving out your confidences. tj you gota be strong even during this time, you gotta just remember how good being sober is. You've got to hop bak on quickley or your gonna have to deal with all the withdrawl crap again.

Stay safe tj

chris

teej

thursday.