sick of denial...sick or being sick and tired.

Old 04-15-2007, 03:46 PM
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sick of denial...sick or being sick and tired.

it was a good week..i believe he didnt use. we went with me to my therapist who is certified in addiction. Basically he told some of the truth...of course wasnt truthful about how much he has used, but what he did say was enough for the therapist to wonder why he doesnt think its a problem. SHe broght up how bad it is for the kids to be lievin g inthat kind of envirnment and wanted to know if he would or has ever been to NA or a 12-step or in-patient program He said never in a million years. Which i agree--he would never go...
he says he doesnt crave coke..he is not addicted..he knows what being addicted is (since he has used oxycontin and was physically addicted to it).
but he is not addicted to the coccaine.
anyway, we are supposed to go back in 2 weeks. (shes not there next week).
yesterday he had a party for me, a few friends came over. he got dpressed because he thought they were all looking at him like he is a drug addict. and because i wasnt "next to him" all night. He wanted to be alone downstaris..Fine, i went to bed..i didnt feel good anyway. so today, he was on the computer until around 1:00 and then fell aslpeep. he is still sleeping. the kids have no dad...it is sunday,...he should spend some time with them.
AND i also found some residue on the bathroom counter downstairs!! NO wonder why he is sleeping all day, he must ohav been up all night. so now, what do i do???? he again has broke his boundary, he again doesnt seemt ocare about brining it in the house...and here i am..i should be sleeping..im the one who doesnt feel well..and he is sleeping all day... his way of escaping...cocaine and then sleeping all day....this is not a marriage..this is not a life....i feel trapped..i need to work on myself and dont know whta to do first. do i get a better paying job??? (mine now doesnt pay much but it is a good environment to work in with no stress)...also, i find it hard to concentrate at work..could i even keep a harder job?? i am starting to mess up with this one. i need to go to meetings, i know that will help...what else can i do? i know that htings are not getting better..how long can i tolerate this? i want a better life...i dont deserve this....he is an adult and has made choices in his life..bad choices..he needs to own up tohis mistakes, and do something about them....but he just cant see how damageing his mistakes are. will he ever?
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Old 04-15-2007, 03:53 PM
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"Will he ever" If I knew that answer to that question, then I think I could make millions. Sadly with addiction no one knows if an addict will ever get better. A lot do and a lot don't. Is there a formula that will tell you if he is one that will. No, but there is a formula for you getting better whether he does or not and you hit upon it in your post. You said that you want a better life. You know that meetings will help you. All you have to do is take that first step. I hope that you will. Hugs, Marle
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Old 04-15-2007, 03:55 PM
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Someday, he might understand all the damage he has done but that day is probably a long way off.

You say he crossed a boundry. He used drugs in the house. What are you prepared to do about it? Nothing changes if nothing changes. He won't change. He's not ready to change. People who don't think they have a problem seldom do. But your choices are NOT limited. You have more options than you think.

Do you have it in you to consult with an attorney to find out what your rights are in the event you decide you're really ready to do something? If you aren't ready to act now, at least you can tuck the information away and make a plan for yourself.

I'm not saying any of this is easy. It isn't. I left an exah too...with my son in tow. It was the hardest and yet the easiest decision I ever made. When I realized that my exah was slowly taking me under with him, I realized that I HAD to do it...It was a matter of survival...not so much choice.

You are NOT trapped.
You are a child of God. You deserve to live in the light...with diginity and peace. And so do your kids. You CAN do this...You can do anything you want. All it takes is one step in the right direction...

Sending hugs, light and love...
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Old 04-15-2007, 04:21 PM
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I was also told that if the cops ever got wind that my ex used in the house, I could loose my children. Oh, and my daughter was told that if they find drugs in their home, she could go to jail too, while they sorted things out. So, I guess the question is.....do you want to go to jail, do you want to lose your children or do you want to let him continue to do any darn thing he wants to with NO consequences. As long as we allow, it will continue. It's not easy to leave. But you need to think of your children. I was told to consult a domestic violence shelter, because what he is doing is putting you & your children at risk.

Lynne
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Old 04-15-2007, 05:53 PM
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sorry for all of this.your husband may never own up to his responsibalities or admit he is an addict. it is up to you to set your boundries & stick to them.set you some goals of what you want & how to take care of you.we r here for you.i hope you get to feeling better soon. prayers for you & your family.
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Old 04-15-2007, 06:19 PM
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Wife,
I just want to send you big hugs....
and prayers.....
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Old 04-15-2007, 07:54 PM
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sorry that you are going through all of this, your life can get better but the choice is your. you can change him and his actions but its up to you how you allow him and his actions to effect you and your kids. maybe its time to focus on the life you want for you and work toward that goal. do what you have to do the make your life better with or without him. maybe start by setting boundaries that you can stick to. i agree with the others, him using drugs in the home is putting you and the kids in danger. keeping you and yours in my prayers.
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Old 04-16-2007, 03:14 AM
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You have children, if you leave him he is responsible to support them. Have you been to an attorney? At least to see what your rights are.

One of my bounderys when I was with ex-abf was NO DRUGS in the house, he never crossed that one. He knew I would toss him out faster than he could say Goodbye. Just wasn't going to happen.

Your children are your priorty, end of conversation...you can lose them by allowing drugs in your home. This should not be an option.

Do what's right for you and your children.
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Old 04-16-2007, 04:48 AM
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I agree with everyone here. You need to make some hard decisions. You do not deserve to live this way. I have walked in your shoes. Its never easy. This web site really helped me and gave me the strength to do what I needed to regain my life and sanity for me and my kids. Go for some free legal consultations. Find out where you stand and what your rights are. My soon to be ex ah has been out of the house for a few months. When I see him it breaks my heart. I just feel like crying sometimes. But I do sleep alittle better at night eventhough I worry about him all the time. Its really out of our control.
I wish you the best
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Old 04-16-2007, 05:13 AM
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Let me first say my situation is very different because there are no children involved.

My AH is a coke addict. for a while, he didn't think he had a problem either, but he FINALLY realized he did and got help, so there is hope. I moved out before he realized he had a problem. He attempted suicide before he realized he had a problem... Until your AH realizes he has a problem, nothing will change. And, even then there are no guarantees that treatment will work. I don't mean to sound negative, it is just the nature of the disease.

I know it is hard to even think about leaving beacuase I am sure you love your husband, but he is not putting you first right now.

I would just research your options and really think about the best way to protect your children and yourself.

Hugs and prayers,
Tiffany
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