justjo

I have had a pretty trying week. Sister landed up on doorstep after a 4-5 day binge with 'ah' boyfriend. No where to go and I didnt even know the bloke who brought her to me.
Then after 7 days staying at my house she tells me I'm one of the reasons she drinks. You could of knocked me over. Apparently, Im too hard to live up too. Im perfect, Im stronger, Im this and that. Im her older sister and apparently she believes my mum favours me more, cant do anything wrong she said. How does she live up to me. Hell, I told her she doesnt have to be me. Just be herself. Get over it.
Anyhow, I took her home and traded her for her son who doesnt want to be around her anymore. How much can we take hey??

dollydo

She's quacking, and using you as an excuse. That's what they do.

Maybe it's time to not let her back in, and as for letting in a bloke you don't know, I'd say that is just plain dangerous.

She ia an adult, let her be responsible for herself, stop coming to her rescue, this is not helping her.

My best,
Dolly

Grace

Hello justjo!

I think we have the same sister. My sister is married to another A, so they party together. I love my little sister very much, but she is very deep in the disease. An old Alanoner, whose spirit is with me every day, told me to picture them with a big sticker on their forehead that says, SICK. This also works for me.

My sister has always been jealous of me. She once told me the same thing; that it was because of me that she started drinking. They HAVE to blame it on someone else! I Just left an abusive A that blames everything, and I mean EVERYTHING on me! You have no idea how nice it is to go to bed at night and not have to worry about him waking me up to scream at me.

Have you read any books lately on addiction? I've read soooo many books. The other thing that I realized a long time ago is that as long as you lie down, people are going to wipe their feet on you. We eventually get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Take care!
Grace

justjo

Thanks Grace and Dollydo. I know you are right. I get just as mixed up as she does sometimes. One minute Im not talking to her and the next Im trying to help her to be strong. I suppose it is almost crunch time.... it is wearing me down all the time.
One problem I do have though is she has 2 children 15 & 17. Its like if I help them Im helping her. She knows I will look after her kids, once again doesnt have to be responsible. What do I do? No one else..
She's off the planet most of the time. What really annoys me she is taking men to her house. 90% are alcoholics too. We moved the kids out , then back, now out. They are mixed up too. Mum keeps promising, they dont trust her.
The bloke who dropped her off didnt come into my home. He was actually OK, and I found out he was a friend of the drunk she was with. He hadnt been drinking. He just thought she was unsafe there, so he drove half way across town to bring her to me.
I need a rest big time... I will definitely picture the big Sick sign. Thanks

LGLG07

sorry you are going through this justjo. its so easy to say 'just leave her be, stay away' but i know its much harder to do it , even when you make a decision to do it the she calls or you see her and your decision flys right out the window .
IMO help the kids , its not their fault and they are old enough to know they dont want to be around her . you may be helping her by taking the worry away but its worth it when kids are involved if you ask me.
that sick sign is a good idea, i have then all over my ah now !!!!

take care of yourself . best wishes

fluffyflea

Do you go to Alanon to deal with your sister? As long a swe let them blame us they will. ASny excuse for them not to take responsibility for anything.

Earthworm

Grace

Have you read "Codependent No More"-by Melody Beattie or "Getting Them Sober"- by Toby Rice Drews? These are both excellent books. They will help you to understand things better. You can help out with her kids, if they want your help. They have definitely been effected by her lifestyle. It's very sad!!!! I know because my niece and 2 nephews are growing up with 2 addicts for parents. I help out when I can, but I also have to watch out, because the parents can become very resentful. I watch what I do and I watch my motives too. What about Alateen for the kids? You could just SUGGEST it. I found out a long time ago that I can't control anyone but myself. It is unfortunate that she is bringing all these men into the home, Of course, the kids don't trust her! You can't trust an addict!!! Read the post by Jon about "What addicts do". I think it may be on another forum though. It helped me to understand things better.

Believe it or not.....I have a certificate in Chemical Dependency Counseling!
I know, it's hard to believe, because I kept getting involved with the same alcoholic. I learned a lot from these classes and Alanon, but I'm still working on my codependency. You see....I was just as addicted to my A as he was to his beer. Keep coming here, Justjo! I have found some incredible support and amazing friends on here!

You'll get stronger one day at a time!
Thank God!

parentrecovers

my daughter often blames her using and drinking on my husband and me (especially me). keeps her from having to take responsibility. plus, she trusts us not to turn our backs on her after hurtful words. it's just the disease talking, it's part of the chaotic thinking. blessings, k

Amanda930

It seems she is finding someone else to blame for her problems instead of looking in the mirror ans seeing that its her fault shes the way she is. Dont feel anything for what your sister has said to you. I recently had my af call me and tell me I was nothing. I cried and told him never to call me again. But not I relize that I shouldnt listen to him that know one has the right to talk to me like that.

Your sister needs to see how much you care and how you've always been there for her.

Nuudawn

OH man that's pathetic...you make her drink...like she is not the link in the equation..you're pouring it down her throat and she's helpless to do anything about it. Yes, I'm a recovering drunk myself and we all have to have something or someone to blame. Personally, I blamed God cuz He wouldn't give me something I wanted...actually it was a someone. I was a petulant child..wah wah wah. Poor, poor pitiful forgotten me. I look back at that thinking now and it shames me. I was the reason I didn't get what I wanted...well, more specifically drinking was the reason I didn't get or have what I wanted. That's the only damn thing I should have been blaming.

justjo

Thankyou everyone. I love your support. I actually came on tonight because I am feeling well - emotional. I am crying god damn it. She spent the whole week with me as she turned up on my doorstep with no where to go. Wow what a idiot. She used me for a week. I took time off work to help her out. Dropped her off at home after 7 days and I find out tonight from her daught that she went and bought booze within one hour. Shes been drunk since. Its pathetic, Im angry. I hate seeing her like this.
I know I have to let go NOW. Let her be, yes I will let her be.
Yes we all go to Alanon, I take the kids, it helps but mostly i get to a point where my days are just filled up thinking about this. I dont know how much longer I can do it. Trying to work fulltime, my own family ****!
Yes you are right, You do have to watch how much you do as she thinks you are taking over her role, so its got to the point we are doing it behind her back.
Have a good night. Im tired now.