Day 4 - BOLOX
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 280
Day 4 - BOLOX
OK, I wake up this morning, on a warm buzz - 4days detox, feeling good, seeing my boyf tonight for cinema and dinner. I haven't seen him for just over a week - been staying at my sisters through the detox.
So, go home at midday, I know he went to a few parties last night but he had said he'd be up by 11.30 to watch the grand prix.
Get home. Guess WHAT. He hasn't even been home.
No text/call/ nothing to let me know he was not coming home - I know where he is, doing gear round his mates talking shite, I've been there with him enough times to know that. So BORED of it. Its BOLOX.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he sent me pathetic texts over the day saying how 'sorry he was', that he was 'too wasted for dinner tonight'.
I was SO CLOSE TO BUYING A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A G. Seething, SO upset, of all weekends, he had to do it this weekend? This detox thing whatever you want to call it is f*ckin difficult without this load of shite.
Anyway, I didn't, I cried, I screamed, I smoked cigarettes and I went to see my friends. I MADE IT. Its 10.07pm, I'm back at my sisters with her, bought a bottle of beer on the way, SO wanted it to take the pain away, didn't drink it. She took it from me when I got there. I lost it, crying, screaming, hitting myself. But I'm calm now, I got it all out. Thank GOD for her. She is my saviour.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I assume I'll see him at some point. So, a question for you. How do you think I should react when I see him tomorrow? I'm not going to decide until I wake up tomorrow, need to sleep on it first.
Would love to know your thoughts....
M x
So, go home at midday, I know he went to a few parties last night but he had said he'd be up by 11.30 to watch the grand prix.
Get home. Guess WHAT. He hasn't even been home.
No text/call/ nothing to let me know he was not coming home - I know where he is, doing gear round his mates talking shite, I've been there with him enough times to know that. So BORED of it. Its BOLOX.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he sent me pathetic texts over the day saying how 'sorry he was', that he was 'too wasted for dinner tonight'.
I was SO CLOSE TO BUYING A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A G. Seething, SO upset, of all weekends, he had to do it this weekend? This detox thing whatever you want to call it is f*ckin difficult without this load of shite.
Anyway, I didn't, I cried, I screamed, I smoked cigarettes and I went to see my friends. I MADE IT. Its 10.07pm, I'm back at my sisters with her, bought a bottle of beer on the way, SO wanted it to take the pain away, didn't drink it. She took it from me when I got there. I lost it, crying, screaming, hitting myself. But I'm calm now, I got it all out. Thank GOD for her. She is my saviour.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I assume I'll see him at some point. So, a question for you. How do you think I should react when I see him tomorrow? I'm not going to decide until I wake up tomorrow, need to sleep on it first.
Would love to know your thoughts....
M x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 106
Oh dear, I bet you were really really disappointed. Why not tell him that, as calmly as you can? I don't know him obviously but I think that's what I'd do. I'd try not to lose my temper because I would want to show him that I was in control; despite my disappointment and that I wanted to preserve some dignity!
Well done for not drinking the beer; that took guts.
Well done for not drinking the beer; that took guts.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Originally Posted by mimi54321 
OK, I wake up this morning, on a warm buzz - 4days detox, feeling good
I was SO CLOSE TO BUYING A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A G.
Anyway, I didn't, I cried, I screamed, I smoked cigarettes and I went to see my friends. I MADE IT. Its 10.07pm, I'm back at my sisters with her, bought a bottle of beer on the way, SO wanted it to take the pain away, didn't drink it. She took it from me when I got there. I lost it, crying, screaming, hitting myself. But I'm calm now, I got it all out. Thank GOD for her. She is my saviour.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I assume I'll see him at some point. So, a question for you. How do you think I should react when I see him tomorrow? I'm not going to decide until I wake up tomorrow, need to sleep on it first.
Would love to know your thoughts....
M x
I was SO CLOSE TO BUYING A BOTTLE OF WINE AND A G.
Anyway, I didn't, I cried, I screamed, I smoked cigarettes and I went to see my friends. I MADE IT. Its 10.07pm, I'm back at my sisters with her, bought a bottle of beer on the way, SO wanted it to take the pain away, didn't drink it. She took it from me when I got there. I lost it, crying, screaming, hitting myself. But I'm calm now, I got it all out. Thank GOD for her. She is my saviour.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I assume I'll see him at some point. So, a question for you. How do you think I should react when I see him tomorrow? I'm not going to decide until I wake up tomorrow, need to sleep on it first.
Would love to know your thoughts....
M x
Look at the first sentence..."feeling good" Remember that feeling, it will become part of your life if you stay sober.
Second sentence...you didn't, that's supurb!!!!!!
The next paragraph....you did not drink, maybe by your sisters hand, but you did not drink. This shows how much other people love you, like we do here on SR. You calmed down, got it out, now things are better. GOOD GIRL!!!!! Hug your sister and tell her how much you love her.
Next paragraph, so important...."who knows what tomorrow will bring." EXACTLY!!! Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. So why worry about it till it's here? Sleeping on it before making a decision? OUTSTANDING!!!! This shows you are maturing a little. In fact, compared to some of the people I know, sometimes myself included, you are doing exactly what God wants you to do.
How should you react? I don't think anyone here is qualified to answer, other than to say "STAY CALM" Nothing will be accomplished by yelling, screaming, accusing. Those will only upset you, and you are the most important one in this equation.
I'm so proud of you!!!! We all are. Mimi, with the sister and Dad you have, with the love that I know is in your heart, you have a chance to recover from this and be soooo happy.
xxoo,
Ed
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Mimi 
Hun I am so proud of you!!! Please stay strong and focus on YOU!!!!
I am a bit confused at this point..... you said you were in fear of losing B/F if you did not do this detox and get clean.......but yet he blew you off so to speak by not only NOT being there physically but emotionally as well? If you getting sober is important to him then I would think he could refrain enough to be supportive.
Please dont take this wrong, I am not downing him but I am just confused...
Does he also have an addiction? Im lost here, Im sorry...
But right now you do not need the added stress, this is about YOU. This is you doing this for YOU. If he cant understand or be supportive, maybe another week with sis or something would be the key....my fear here is that after you get through detox, and go home, if he continues to party in front of you, you will be a great risk of slipping....if I sound harsh, please know that by all means, I do NOT mean to be, I am just trying to understand and I worry about you.
Stay strong!!!!
~HUGS!~ Liss
Hun I am so proud of you!!! Please stay strong and focus on YOU!!!!
I am a bit confused at this point..... you said you were in fear of losing B/F if you did not do this detox and get clean.......but yet he blew you off so to speak by not only NOT being there physically but emotionally as well? If you getting sober is important to him then I would think he could refrain enough to be supportive.
Please dont take this wrong, I am not downing him but I am just confused...
Does he also have an addiction? Im lost here, Im sorry...
But right now you do not need the added stress, this is about YOU. This is you doing this for YOU. If he cant understand or be supportive, maybe another week with sis or something would be the key....my fear here is that after you get through detox, and go home, if he continues to party in front of you, you will be a great risk of slipping....if I sound harsh, please know that by all means, I do NOT mean to be, I am just trying to understand and I worry about you.
Stay strong!!!!
~HUGS!~ Liss
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Hi Mimi,
I'm glad you made it through the tough time without drinking. That means next time will be easier.
It seems that your boyfriend pushes your buttons, so you need to prepare yourself as to how you will deal with that. Maybe you can set some boundaries that you feel comfortable with.
Keep posting and reading.
I'm glad you made it through the tough time without drinking. That means next time will be easier.
It seems that your boyfriend pushes your buttons, so you need to prepare yourself as to how you will deal with that. Maybe you can set some boundaries that you feel comfortable with.
Keep posting and reading.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
lots of good advice here I think...
I'm sorry to hear you were let down Mimi, but it's awesome to know you didn't 'crack'...
sounds to me as if your boyfriend has a few issues of his own...I'd be tempted to give the bloke a right bollocking...but Ed and Raineydae are definitely right...control and dignity....
people sometimes let you down...it's a sad fact of life, but you need to try and stay focused on your struggles, not someone elses...like Liss says things need to be about you right now.....it's a tough one though I know.
thinking of ya - keep posting !!
D
I'm sorry to hear you were let down Mimi, but it's awesome to know you didn't 'crack'...
sounds to me as if your boyfriend has a few issues of his own...I'd be tempted to give the bloke a right bollocking...but Ed and Raineydae are definitely right...control and dignity....
people sometimes let you down...it's a sad fact of life, but you need to try and stay focused on your struggles, not someone elses...like Liss says things need to be about you right now.....it's a tough one though I know.
thinking of ya - keep posting !!
D
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 280
6.43AM Day 5
Slept well eventually, now feel sick. I agree that the best thing to do is stay calm. And yes, he does have a problem which is he can never chill out. He works bloody hard, then parties really hard becaause he says he deserves it - for working bloody hard.
But where does that leave us? I don't know. I don't know if he did it because he was pushing the boundaries to see my reaction or simply got too trashed and couldn't deal with seeing me sober.
I know as most of us do, that when you get wasted you only really want to be with other people that are wasted. You can't really relate to people that aren't, when you're in that state, so I am hoping it was just that and nothing major about the way he feels about me and him.
But again, in the long run I don;t know if he's really any good for me anyway. I do love him but I can't deal with this every weekend. I guess I'll have to see how it goes today, if he made it home that is.
If he's not there when I get home today I think I'll throw up. I hate sitting with these feelings, I've never done it before and it f'kin kills. But the first time must be the worst and it will get easier, I just don't want to be messed around. If he wants out he needs to tell me TODAY cos I'm not going to wait around to deal with the 'not knowing' bolox.
Sod that, I'm better than that and deserve better than that.
Thanks for all your advice. I'll keep you posted...
M x
Slept well eventually, now feel sick. I agree that the best thing to do is stay calm. And yes, he does have a problem which is he can never chill out. He works bloody hard, then parties really hard becaause he says he deserves it - for working bloody hard.
But where does that leave us? I don't know. I don't know if he did it because he was pushing the boundaries to see my reaction or simply got too trashed and couldn't deal with seeing me sober.
I know as most of us do, that when you get wasted you only really want to be with other people that are wasted. You can't really relate to people that aren't, when you're in that state, so I am hoping it was just that and nothing major about the way he feels about me and him.
But again, in the long run I don;t know if he's really any good for me anyway. I do love him but I can't deal with this every weekend. I guess I'll have to see how it goes today, if he made it home that is.
If he's not there when I get home today I think I'll throw up. I hate sitting with these feelings, I've never done it before and it f'kin kills. But the first time must be the worst and it will get easier, I just don't want to be messed around. If he wants out he needs to tell me TODAY cos I'm not going to wait around to deal with the 'not knowing' bolox.
Sod that, I'm better than that and deserve better than that.
Thanks for all your advice. I'll keep you posted...
M x
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Originally Posted by mimi54321
Sod that, I'm better than that and deserve better than that.
M x
M x
can't comment on the other stuff cos I don't know the guy but, for mine, *this* is the most important part of everything you've said...
take care
D
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Northern Teir
Posts: 9
I've got no right to say much of anything, but I work hard as well, and understand his rationalization (which is still bs). But he's either with you or against you, not both. This fight is difficult enough without mixed signals from outside.
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