mac11

Help! my Mom is an addict and I think that she is using again. She has been clean for awile. But all the signs are there, again. She has been to rehab and detox several times, and the last time it seemed like it really worked. But for the last year , things have changed drastically! She is no longer involved in NA, doesn't have a sponser anymore, and things the progrmam stinks. She didn't use to feel like that. I am veryyy worried. I know that I cannot make her change, or admit that she is using, but I have done this sooo many times , that I know my gut feeling is right. I just don't know what to do. I don;t want her to die. She looks like S*** . Her health is in jeopordy. Of course that is the case for any addict, but I hope that someone understands this and can offer some support and advice! thanks

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, mac. i'm in the same place with my daughter - i understand. we're (husband and i) are just reaching out to as many professionals as we can to get advice, extra alanon meetings, and i'm sharing here. it's difficult. prayers, k

mooselips

Hi Mac,
Sorry you're in such a sad situation. Chances are, if you think she's using again, it's probably true.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do for her, as you already stated, but you can start, or continue going to Alanon, or Naranon meetings.
It sure is difficult to stand by and watch someone self destruct, I've been there with both of my sons.
My heart goes out to you.



Hugs,

marle

Sending you some hugs. Not much you can do for her, but you can learn to live your life and find peace despite what she is doing. Prayer helps me to not constantly worry about my daughter. Hugs, Marle

hope213

welcome to S.R. it is so sad when i see kids worring about there parents here on s.r. it has got to be really hard for you. i want you to know there is nothing you can do for your mom.i know u love her but the best thing for you is for you to let go.let her hit her bottom, as soon as she does that she will get herself back to meeting.she knows what to do.keep coming back.read all the stickys & all the post.be good to yourself & take care of yourself.that is your recovery, learning to let go of your mom & take care of you.you are the most important one.prayers for you & your mom.hugs, hope

Sunflower

does she have a Doctor she sees? Maybe she should go in for a 'check up'? then he could talk to her. You are in a bad spot and my heart aches for you--you must look for someone to help you thru this--maybe another family member or friend? Maybe someone from AA can point you in the right direction for services within your community....(((HUGS))))

mac11

thanks for the message. Yes she does have a family doc, he is aware of her addiction. He knows not to prescribe her any meds at all for pain. My mom uses oxy's and things like that. I don't think that she will go. I confronted her and she just told me she understands, that was it. She didn't deny using, but didn't admit it either. In the past I have said things, like after she got out of rehab the last time, and she was clean , but I thought she wasn't, and she told me that she was clean , and she would do anything to prove it. This time she didn't say that, that is what's scaring me soo bad. I know my feeling is right. But I guess there is nothing that I can do, till she's ready.
Thanks for the support, it means alot, to have people who understand

Sunflower

mac I had a complete melt down here a few days ago as I was positive my alcoholic son had relapsed. He didn't. Someone said it's like living like the''sky is falling''24/7 and it is true. She said she ''understands" that sounds positive but who knows. Try and stay strong and take care of yourself and go about your life like you normally do. Worrying yourself until you are sick won't help anyone. Hang in there!!

Elana

(((mac11)))
Welcome. We have not 'met.'

I just want you to know I will think of you and have talked to my HP.
My Mom is a codie and I am taking her to the Grand Canyon in a little over two weeks. She is improving and she is 80.

I pray your Mother will come back to recovery. I cannot imagine your pain.

BigSis

Hi Mac...((hugs)) and welcome.

My mom was a terrible alcoholic... or maybe that is a good alcoholic... whatever. She was a scary drunk because she would get SO sick and SO out of it and SO "gone"... she was swollen and yellow and bruised and haggard looking... I lived in fear for her death for a very long time.

I didn't go to Alanon back then, but looking back, I know that what I did was very much along the lines of what they tell me to do... detatch. I got very busy with my life. I checked on her when I could, but I spent most of my time not with her.

This went on for some years...there were some crises... I don't think I ever knew how bad most were once I left home, because I didn't call every day and didn't ask dad about her all the time. I worried and I prayed.

But then in 1980, when I'd been on my own for about six years, I got a call from her mom, my grandmother. She had not heard from mom in 3 days, and they usually talked every day. She asked me to please leave work and drive out there (15 miles) to check on her.

All the way out, I prepared myself to find her body. I imagined how to call for an ambulance (no 911 back then out there) and tried to get ready for something horrible.

She did look horrible. Drawn, wane, pale, shaking, and looking at me as if she thought *I* was the boogy man. But she was alive. Sick... but alive.

I remember not wanting to let her see how relieved I was. So I walked past the living room where she sat and went to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich... and tried to act casual. I asked her to please call Nanny (my grandma), then I left.

.... she's been sober ever since.

That would be 27 years now. And she is one of my favorite people on earth.

I tell you this because there is hope... even for the most desperate. But that process is between your mom and God. Your "job" is to get some clarity and to live your life and try to be the best and brightest person you can be. Alanon helps... they help me very much with my kids (who both developed addiction). It is possible to live and enjoy life... even when the alcoholic or the addict keeps drinking and using.

((((Mac))))

tropikgal2

HI Mac, Welcome to SR. Sorry you are in such a bad spot. As hard as it sounds, there is nothing you can do to make your Mom stop taking drugs. She has to want to do it herself, and then take the necessary steps to do so. YOu can give her love and support (not financial support, that is codependency), but until she's ready that's about it. There are other children of addicts here who can give advice. Plus, there is another forum on SR called "Children of Alcoholics", and even though your Mom's DOC is opioids, there will be a lot of similiarites there.