newblue82

No matter the drug use our conversations have always remained rational and easy-going. What should have been a fifteen minute conversation about nonsensical stuff turned into a two hour conversation of I love you, I miss you, and I made a mistake. I didn't really know how to respond to it. I wanted to say I love you back but I knew our love for each other were different. My love was platonic for I had long since fallen out of love. So I was careful not to say I love you but rather just agree with what was already being said.

I told her I was moving to Texas (better job opportunity) and for her she became upset and possessive as if I still belong to her. WTF! It could have worked between us and it isn't MY fault that it didn't. Kind of late for regrets and possessiveness NOW! I'm trying to maintain my boundaries. This is a friendship nothing more but somehow the conversation always manages to drift into unchartered territory not by my doing. I always try to steer us back on course. Perhaps it's all just a phase for her and with time she'll steer clear of those more sensitive subjects. Or perhaps I'm just kidding myself. . .What to do? She swears life has been so much harder without me; that she has to have me in her life in some shape or form. Is this genuine or manipulation all over again? Just thinking out loud. . .

duet_4-8

Hi,
I don't know the background of your story, but I DO know about supposed-to-be-short phone calls that end up sucking the life out of you because the addict on the other end of the phone twists the whole thing around and turns it into something he/she promised it wouldn't turn into if you 'would only just talk to me for a minute'.

IMHO, this sounds like a total guilt trip and manipulation. It sounds like someone who is desperately trying to hook you back into a relationship that you have decided is unhealthy and needed to end. That is not love.

It sounds like you have decided somewhere along the line that you needed to set boundaries. Addicts don't like boundaries; she is testing them just like a little child does. You have to decide what is right for YOU, and then follow through. Not an easy task, but well worth it in terms of having some peace and serenity in your life.

((((HUGS))))

Mavis

Take the job, Run like h*ll, don't look back! You are doing everything right. It sounds to me like you are happy and know what you want' and need. Don't get sucked into the "memememe" phase.

teke

i too think that you may want to take the job since its a better oportunity. you can always pick the relationship up at a latter date if thats what you want. i think like i said before, you opened up that can of worms, maybe not interntionally but maybe thats just what has happened. maybe its time the time to expect just a friendship and i know that you don't want to lead her to think otherwise. i think it time to focus on you and let her deal with her own issues. there are other people that she can talk to her about what she may need to talk about and it don't have to be you. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

mooselips

Blue,
It sounds like at one time, you were her soft place to fall, and she now realizes with the miles between you, it's not going to happen anymore.

You're growing every day, yes, you are!


Texas, sunshine, cowboys, cowgirls....sounds like a piece of heaven.

Hugs,

outonalimb

blue...

each and every interaction with an addict is like stepping into a house of mirrors.
they say one thing...
but their actions say another.

this is a sad, sad fact of addiction.

a relationship is nothing without trust.
love yourself enough to run away and start a new adventure.
great things are waiting for you...i just know it.

newblue82

Wow! I can't thank you all enough for your advice. She just called me "just to tell you I love you." OMG! Give me a break. You know, she may love me but I just don't think that during the times she says it that it's a genuine feeling. I think she's being manipulative as you all say. Yea, I know this. I've learned this harsh lesson.

Oh, and no doubt that I am moving no matter how much she says she needs me near. Thank you all again!

parentrecovers

when my daughter is in active addiction, nothing she says or does is for the benefit of others. its' all about her and her addiction. she gives nothing, she can't. don't take it personally, if it wasn't you, it would just be someone else. it's a lousy disease, k

marle

My daughter comes up with the "I love yous" when she wants something from me. When she knows she won't get it, it may be months before I hear from her again. This from a daughter who used to be in my life on a daily basis. So addicts will manipulate to get what they want and even if our "I love You" is sincere and from the heart, theirs isn't. Hugs, Marle

hope213

ha!! she needs you ok to take care of the bills so she can do as she pleases. i am glad you have your recovery & are not falling for this. you are shining !!! take the job & start your new life.you are doing fine. hugs,

dollydo

Move, go for it, leave her in your dust.

Your recovery has really taken hold...I am proud of you.

newblue82

Yea and she called last night playing all these different love songs in to the phone! I'm like what the hell is this! Laying it on kinda thick. . .Just gets better and better.