Language of Letting Go - April 14
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - April 14
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Perfectionism
Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues.
Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive; it makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth.
People are human and vulnerable, and that is wonderful. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in that codependent state of moral superiority. Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior.
We can let go of both ideas.
We do not need to go to the other extreme; tolerating anything people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, responsible behavior from ourselves. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit. And when we stop expecting others to be perfect, we may discover that they're doing much better than we thought. When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we'll discover the beauty in ourselves.
Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Perfectionism
Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues.
Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive; it makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth.
People are human and vulnerable, and that is wonderful. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in that codependent state of moral superiority. Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior.
We can let go of both ideas.
We do not need to go to the other extreme; tolerating anything people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, responsible behavior from ourselves. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit. And when we stop expecting others to be perfect, we may discover that they're doing much better than we thought. When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we'll discover the beauty in ourselves.
Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Early in recovery when I had times of struggle or times when I just felt "stuck" and couldn't go forward...I thought I was doing it all wrong or that my recovery had failed me.
I learned that recovery is a process, a journey not a destination and that there were many lessons to learn along the way, including lessons of pain and change and confusion, all balanced by the lessons of joy, peace, freedom and serenity.
There are no rules. There is no such thing as perfection in recovery, just progress, growth and a newfound freedom.
Hugs
I learned that recovery is a process, a journey not a destination and that there were many lessons to learn along the way, including lessons of pain and change and confusion, all balanced by the lessons of joy, peace, freedom and serenity.
There are no rules. There is no such thing as perfection in recovery, just progress, growth and a newfound freedom.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i have a problem understanding other people.i know i have no control of what they feel or what they do. i am slowly getting better with this.i know we as humans are not perfect & i am going to work harder on not expecting prefection from others or myself. thanks,ann!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I have SUCH a hard time with this, Ann, thanks so much for posting it.
I think that most of the problems I have with my self-esteem come from the fear that I'll do something wrong, displease somebody, make someone mad at me or hate me. So I try to be absolutely 100% perfect, and am always, always disappointed when I'm not. It's so sad.
I have to remember that all I can do is my best -- and keep taking steps in the right directions.
XOX
GL
I think that most of the problems I have with my self-esteem come from the fear that I'll do something wrong, displease somebody, make someone mad at me or hate me. So I try to be absolutely 100% perfect, and am always, always disappointed when I'm not. It's so sad.
I have to remember that all I can do is my best -- and keep taking steps in the right directions.
XOX
GL
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