I'm on the right track!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Backwoods, PA
Posts: 223
I'm on the right track!
I still feel very confident about leaving. He called me 3 times yesterday.
I spoke with him twice. Each time, I cut it short. The last time that he called, he wanted to know if I was coming back, and once again, he told me that I could come back as long as I did more, paid more, and kept my mouth shut. I said goodbye and hung up. I hope and pray that I can stay strong. This last round seems to have been the last strike. My feelings have changed for him considerably.
AND.....as usual, my alcoholic sister is not having much to do with me. She was there for me throughout the surgery, but I haven't talked with her in several days. I stopped over at the house today to pick up some clothes and saw her phone number on the caller id. I KNOW that my sister and her husband will remain friends with my ex. They stayed close to him after he threw me out when I had cancer. So, why would this be any different? There is no loyalty. He is their drinking buddy and they use each other. Should I just avoid her or use my alanon? I hate going down this road again. It's hard to feel completely free of him when my own sister will continue to bring him around.
Just need some tips on dealing with my sister and brother-in-law.
Thanks!
I spoke with him twice. Each time, I cut it short. The last time that he called, he wanted to know if I was coming back, and once again, he told me that I could come back as long as I did more, paid more, and kept my mouth shut. I said goodbye and hung up. I hope and pray that I can stay strong. This last round seems to have been the last strike. My feelings have changed for him considerably.
AND.....as usual, my alcoholic sister is not having much to do with me. She was there for me throughout the surgery, but I haven't talked with her in several days. I stopped over at the house today to pick up some clothes and saw her phone number on the caller id. I KNOW that my sister and her husband will remain friends with my ex. They stayed close to him after he threw me out when I had cancer. So, why would this be any different? There is no loyalty. He is their drinking buddy and they use each other. Should I just avoid her or use my alanon? I hate going down this road again. It's hard to feel completely free of him when my own sister will continue to bring him around.
Just need some tips on dealing with my sister and brother-in-law.
Thanks!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Originally Posted by Grace 
Just need some tips on dealing with my sister and brother-in-law.
I'm very proud of you Grace, it sounds like you're doing very well!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
grace, i'm so proud of you for not being sucked in by your ex! whenever i feel like i want to pick up the phone or send an email, i immediately log in here and see what everyone's up to, even if only for a few minutes. it really helps me get my mind off being sucked back into the drama again.
i really have no advice about your sister and brother in law... is there any way to avoid them, for as long as possible? are you comfortable being around them even if your ex isn't around?
i really have no advice about your sister and brother in law... is there any way to avoid them, for as long as possible? are you comfortable being around them even if your ex isn't around?
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Good for you, stay strong...just be honest with your sister & BIL they can remain his friend if they choose, they just need to keep him out of your space.
Set your bounderies and stick to them, for your well-being.
Set your bounderies and stick to them, for your well-being.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Sounds like you are on the "right track"!
Just focus on you! You can't make your sis what you want her to be anymore than you could change your husband.
Make the future about you and your recovery!
Blessings, Cheryl
Just focus on you! You can't make your sis what you want her to be anymore than you could change your husband.
Make the future about you and your recovery!
Blessings, Cheryl
up and out
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 185
Grace I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns!!! Woot Woot!
You asked if you should avoid your sister and her husband or stick to alanon.
You should do both.....and keep coming here. It is a great resource isn't it?
Your sister is making her decisions. If you are not happy with them then you have every right to avoid her. Just because they are your blood does not mean they are your friends. Honestly, you do not owe her anything. Since she is an alcoholic, that's all the reason you need to stay away.
Maybe if she recovers you can be friends again? Until then she will suck you into the drama.
Hugs.
You asked if you should avoid your sister and her husband or stick to alanon.
You should do both.....and keep coming here. It is a great resource isn't it?
Your sister is making her decisions. If you are not happy with them then you have every right to avoid her. Just because they are your blood does not mean they are your friends. Honestly, you do not owe her anything. Since she is an alcoholic, that's all the reason you need to stay away.
Maybe if she recovers you can be friends again? Until then she will suck you into the drama.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Oh, Grace .... jeesh, I feel like such a whiny baby when I complain about my circumstances. You have been through a lot and you are hanging tough now. It's just my opinion, but I'd steer clear of all of them. You don't need to go through that chaotic stuff. Let them all hang out together, get trashed, and throw a pity party or bash you or whatever. You don't need that in your life.
You are doing the right thing. And you are right .... there is NO loyalty among addicts, other than to their habit. Keep up with Al-Anon. You are going to make it. My prayers are with you. Much love to you.
You are doing the right thing. And you are right .... there is NO loyalty among addicts, other than to their habit. Keep up with Al-Anon. You are going to make it. My prayers are with you. Much love to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
It sounds like you are making good choices and decisions ... but I know it must be tough to have those close to you not be supportive as they should be. Alcoholism makes those it consumes very self absorbed and their behavior can be so hurtful. Try to surround yourself with people that support you and try to avoid the toxic people in your life. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Grace you say that youre on the right track.!!!Way to go.Why people do what they do,girl sometimes i just throw my hands up in the air,and just let it go.I try to understand folks.Sometimes i just dont.Those folks who i expected to support me,didnt.The ones that i thought wouldnt actually have.all i know is that no matter what,i need to keep the focus on my recovery.And throw, my expectaions of others out da window.I need to move onwards.And live and let live..But keeping the whys do another do this or that only kept me in misery,and stuck.Forgive them,is all one can do,and keep on,keepin on,
God Bless,you on your recovery,
God Bless,you on your recovery,
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
good for you grace , your putting yourself first and thats a huuuge step in the right direction !! keep pushing forward and dont ever look back .
i would absolutely seperate myself from my sis & BIL without question .
you dont need to know what they are doing or how much time they are spending with you A . the more time you spend thinking about them , the less time you are spending thinking about you .. they are not worth your thoughts. my prayers are with you
i would absolutely seperate myself from my sis & BIL without question .
you dont need to know what they are doing or how much time they are spending with you A . the more time you spend thinking about them , the less time you are spending thinking about you .. they are not worth your thoughts. my prayers are with you
YOU YOU YOU Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
WOW! I feel for you. It's so hard sometimes. My sister is an alcoholic too , big time. Yes she will go and stay with her 'a' friends. They only relate to each other, they can drink, act like 2 year olds (actually thats an insult) and they feel at home. See they cant do it around us because they know how stupid they look. Run as fast as you can because nothing you do or say is going to change how 3 alcoholics together think. Hard I know, but this could go on for years and are you ready for all the disappointments.
Look after yourself.
Look after yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Backwoods, PA
Posts: 223
Thanks again....as always!
It is so great to be able to come here after an incredibly chaotic day.
I need to pick up a couple of big items at the ex's tomorrow. They are things that I need now, and cannot wait for the moving company. Well, I can't get anyone to help me and I'm still recovering from surgery. My BIL has a dolly and could help me out. I only need 2 things from the house. Shouldn't take more than an hour to pick up and bring to my mother's. He turned me down, because of course, he doesn't want to do anything to **** off his favorite drinking buddy. I don't have anyone else who can help me out with this. So....I called the ex and had to tell him that I needed 2 items out of the house. He said, "So, I guess this means you're moving out, and you're not coming back." I told him that we just can't seem to agree on things. He wants me to give, give, give. Nothing is ever enough. I also told him that I cannot continue to leave every weekend in order to avoid his drunken antics. I told him that I think we'll both be happier if we go our separate ways. He told me to come over tomorrow morning and he would help me move some of my stuff out. I sincerely hope he doesn't turn into an a**hole. I won't be able to handle it, physically or emotionally. There's not much I can do about the stuff that is left in HIS house now. If he damages or hides anything, I'll know. We are expecting some nasty weather this weekend on the East coast. On Monday, I will call a moving company.
Wish me luck, everyone, and say a little prayer for my safety tomorrow.
Thanks for always being there!
Grace
It is so great to be able to come here after an incredibly chaotic day.
I need to pick up a couple of big items at the ex's tomorrow. They are things that I need now, and cannot wait for the moving company. Well, I can't get anyone to help me and I'm still recovering from surgery. My BIL has a dolly and could help me out. I only need 2 things from the house. Shouldn't take more than an hour to pick up and bring to my mother's. He turned me down, because of course, he doesn't want to do anything to **** off his favorite drinking buddy. I don't have anyone else who can help me out with this. So....I called the ex and had to tell him that I needed 2 items out of the house. He said, "So, I guess this means you're moving out, and you're not coming back." I told him that we just can't seem to agree on things. He wants me to give, give, give. Nothing is ever enough. I also told him that I cannot continue to leave every weekend in order to avoid his drunken antics. I told him that I think we'll both be happier if we go our separate ways. He told me to come over tomorrow morning and he would help me move some of my stuff out. I sincerely hope he doesn't turn into an a**hole. I won't be able to handle it, physically or emotionally. There's not much I can do about the stuff that is left in HIS house now. If he damages or hides anything, I'll know. We are expecting some nasty weather this weekend on the East coast. On Monday, I will call a moving company.
Wish me luck, everyone, and say a little prayer for my safety tomorrow.
Thanks for always being there!
Grace
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