wayconfused

My AH had said he was going to quit taking pills. Which he can't find any xanax's. So thats why he isn't taking them. He has had a bottle of Hydrocodine, all week though. But, he got drunk earlier in the week. (A 5th of whiskey and a couple beers.) I asked him why. He said I thought you wanted me to quit taking pills. I told him I didn't want him to do either.

He started taking pills when he stopped drinking about 6 or 7 years ago.
I am worried that he is going to go back to be drunk everyday. He used to be drunk before lunch, take a nap then get up and do it all over again. And to be honest, he was a crying drunk the other night. But ,he used to get mean and steal things when he drunk. I can't name the things I lost.
I am so confused. I love him. But, anymore I am not in love with him.
Make sense? sometimes, I just feel more like his mom. But, I have not been doing things like I did. And , he is helping more with the bills.

which now brings me to this. A couple weeks ago (when we wasn't talking) I was invited by some friends to Nascar. They even bought my tickets. I would be gone all weekend. Is it wrong of me to go???
I haven't told him, yet. If I do go and he messes up is it my fault??
I'm sorry everyone. I just have so much on my mind. and need a little helpppppp...
Hugs to all
*WAY*

daisylady

First of all-I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Second of all-His addiction is NOT YOUR FAULT! Do not let him manipulate you into thinking that it is.

And, second of all- YES, go to NASCAR and have some fun and take care of you. Do something that YOU want to do! If something happens and you find out about it, call 911 (I had to do that a couple of weeks ago).

Remember, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it!

Prayers,
Tiffany

Elana

You did not cause it. You cannot control it.

Step 1) We admitted we were powerless over the Addict -- that our lives have become unmanageable.

Go to Nascar and have fun. He owns his actions and he owns his choices. You have no control over his actions or his choices.

You have control only over your own!

loveRoy

Please go to NASCAR. Don't let him ruin this for you. None of this is your fault. Believe me, I understand the "love" business. If "they" only knew how unattractive they become. Pulling for Jr.?? Sorry, couldn't help but throw that in.

Blackrose2756

go to Nascar, what he does, is what he does. In my opinion, drinking is NO different than the pills. In fact, I interchanged them in my drinking days. Even NA will tell you that No mind altering substance is to be used. So, in essence, he is switching one addiction for another. If you don't want an addict in your home....lay down those boundaries. Also, booze & pills is a dangerous mix.

I guess one more thing to think about...what is your motive behind going to NASCAR....was it to get even with him for drinking? Or do you truly LOVE NASCAR??

I think we also have to examine our motives. He drinks. I'm angry. So I go to NASCAR to get even. And it goes on & on. Please, live your life. Not saying that. But we also have to be aware of our "motives". Learned that in Alanon.

I did that a lot with both of my ex's. And it was just as bad as what they did.

dollydo

Drinking is a bandaid for not using his DOC. That's what my ex-abf did to stay off coke. How well did that work? NOT, he became cross addicted and he was a
b*stard when he drank.

As for Nascar, go, he is an adult, responsible for himself, treating him like a child isn't going to help either one of you.

teke

i agree with the others, go have fun and carry no guilt because of it, you deserve it. its not your fault that he chooses to use. try not to take the blame for it. keeping you and yours in my prayers

wayconfused

Thank you all for the good advise. My girls said they don't want him to drink cause they remeber how mean he could get. So sad to hear them tell me that. I know I can't and won't wait for that to happen again.
I do love racing. My Dad, brother, and son got me hooked. I am a Tony Stewert fan.. As for the making of the plans to go, He wasn't drinking then He was on pills . My friends just asked me cause they said I need to have some fun for myself. To have a couple days not stressing.. and they offered to buy my ticket.
I just worry so much. I am going just hope and pray all goes okay...

Troubledone

Wayconfused.

I don't know if you've ever read this before....

Addiction is a chronic (doesn't go away) and progressive (gets worse untreated) condition that cannot be cured, only arrested. The only way to arrest the disease is abstaining from all mind-altering substances -- pills, alcohol, weed, narcotics, etc.... Which usually (not always) requires treatment and participating in a 12 step program.

I hope that isn't too harsh. My basic message is - please go to NASACAR. He is not "with you", he is with the alcohol and drugs.

I hope that you are attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon family group meetings. They can really help you be strong and live your own life while you are trying to figure out what to do about your relationship to your addicted husband.

I pray that he somehow gets into treatment because eventually addictions rob people of their lives.

Also - I hope you have read it enough here already - you are powerless over your addict and his addiction - there is nothing you can do to make him use or keep him from using. Only he can decide. So, go have fun.

ps, Have you read the stickies? They helped me a ton.

All the best.

wayconfused

I have read alot of the stickies.. I do need to read more.. I feel stupid.. I thought he wasn't taking as many pills . Just to find out last night he is buying some suposatory hydorocodine. I guess I just wanted to think he wasn't using.. I can't beleive that..
I am going to Nascar. I can't wait . I need to get away...