where do I begin?
~Amanda~
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: in a river of chocolate
Posts: 66
where do I begin?
Hello all,
*coughs* Well my names Amanda. I'm new here. I uhh got this website from my mom. She comes here. I dont really know where to begin except that I'm here because my father and brother are both addicts. I got this phone call from my father last night and it tore me up inside. He was of course drunk because thats the only time he does call. Mom says it for attention. Not sure bout that one yet. I ummm well I decided last night that I needed and wanted answers. I got upset crying and mad and I told him how I felt and told him how I saw it. He really gave it back at me, by saying I should have never went with my mother and how I woud have done great with him and I threw it in his face that I would have been a drug addict/alcoholic/ probably with a couple of kids. He threw it back at me hard and rough. Now know one here knows me but I am the most emotional person I've EVER met and probably the most one you will ever meet. Of course I cried. He told me I was nothing and I had nothing. I cried and was so in shock that I told him never to call me again. I'm not sure he heard because everything went by so fast. Well I ended up calling my mom and she told me "you cant talk to a drunk person Amanda". "They wont listen and they say stupid things"....well I know this now...
All I wanted were answers... I wanted to know why Jason was his favorite and he wasn't even his own son...I wanted to know why he chose boozes and pot over us. My mom said I need to call him and say everything when he's sober...still questioning myself if I will or not.
*coughs* Well my names Amanda. I'm new here. I uhh got this website from my mom. She comes here. I dont really know where to begin except that I'm here because my father and brother are both addicts. I got this phone call from my father last night and it tore me up inside. He was of course drunk because thats the only time he does call. Mom says it for attention. Not sure bout that one yet. I ummm well I decided last night that I needed and wanted answers. I got upset crying and mad and I told him how I felt and told him how I saw it. He really gave it back at me, by saying I should have never went with my mother and how I woud have done great with him and I threw it in his face that I would have been a drug addict/alcoholic/ probably with a couple of kids. He threw it back at me hard and rough. Now know one here knows me but I am the most emotional person I've EVER met and probably the most one you will ever meet. Of course I cried. He told me I was nothing and I had nothing. I cried and was so in shock that I told him never to call me again. I'm not sure he heard because everything went by so fast. Well I ended up calling my mom and she told me "you cant talk to a drunk person Amanda". "They wont listen and they say stupid things"....well I know this now...
All I wanted were answers... I wanted to know why Jason was his favorite and he wasn't even his own son...I wanted to know why he chose boozes and pot over us. My mom said I need to call him and say everything when he's sober...still questioning myself if I will or not.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Welcome to SR Amanda.
I know it's hard.... my father was a figure of authority.
And father knows best. But no matter what approval I seek from
my father...i was never enough. The words you wrote
are copies of what father would say to me. I learned that
I can't change him. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks
would apply in father's case. I no longer seek approval from
my father. He's like a sand blaster to me. And I refuse to
get sand blasted ever again. Wheather he's drunk or sober.
Jason is his favorit simply is becuase drinking and using is
what they have in common. Just another getting high buddy
as he would have as a teenager or a kid.
he choose drugs and alcohol simply is becuase he is inmature.
Don't let his meaness fool you. Just another out of control child that just has
more years on earth than you, but did'nt grow.
The body aged but the mind and emotions didn't mature.
You are probably more mature than your father in so, so, many ways
and he knows it....therefore the put downs.
looking it from another perspective...they are in a world of sheit.
I'm simply not going to jump into sheit . I don't need to.
I study on alcoholism, co-dependecy. There's sticky of a ACOC traits
Many of us had been affect by drugs and alcohol abuse of others
By educating myself on these matter, I have tools and a better
understand of the cycle, the traps.
Try reserching on Post traumatic Stress Syndrom.
reach out for help from external sources aside from your family,
so you can have another piont of view.
Keep on posting... reach out to others
You are not alone
Others will come to you
I know it's hard.... my father was a figure of authority.
And father knows best. But no matter what approval I seek from
my father...i was never enough. The words you wrote
are copies of what father would say to me. I learned that
I can't change him. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks
would apply in father's case. I no longer seek approval from
my father. He's like a sand blaster to me. And I refuse to
get sand blasted ever again. Wheather he's drunk or sober.
Jason is his favorit simply is becuase drinking and using is
what they have in common. Just another getting high buddy
as he would have as a teenager or a kid.
he choose drugs and alcohol simply is becuase he is inmature.
Don't let his meaness fool you. Just another out of control child that just has
more years on earth than you, but did'nt grow.
The body aged but the mind and emotions didn't mature.
You are probably more mature than your father in so, so, many ways
and he knows it....therefore the put downs.
looking it from another perspective...they are in a world of sheit.
I'm simply not going to jump into sheit . I don't need to.
I study on alcoholism, co-dependecy. There's sticky of a ACOC traits
Many of us had been affect by drugs and alcohol abuse of others
By educating myself on these matter, I have tools and a better
understand of the cycle, the traps.
Try reserching on Post traumatic Stress Syndrom.
reach out for help from external sources aside from your family,
so you can have another piont of view.
Keep on posting... reach out to others
You are not alone
Others will come to you
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Amanda))) This is a good place, and you are so fortunate to have such a wise mom. 
I agree with Satit above, there is a good man inside that anger and rage you are trying to deal with, but until he is sober... you won't see him. You will see the addict/alcoholic. And the addict alcoholic does not make for a good dad, a good friend, a good spouse or a good person.
Both my parents were active in their alcohlism while I was growing up. I agree with Satit, I was far more mature than them, even in my early teens.
They both got sober while I was in my 20's... the change in them was incredible. These were people I had never met.
I pray you can get to know your dad sober. But until then, I would have as little contact with him as possible.
The friends and family forums are also some good places to read and post. Some of the issues we deal with spouses, brothers and kids are similar to yours.
Please post again. Folks here care very much.
((hugs))
I agree with Satit above, there is a good man inside that anger and rage you are trying to deal with, but until he is sober... you won't see him. You will see the addict/alcoholic. And the addict alcoholic does not make for a good dad, a good friend, a good spouse or a good person.
Both my parents were active in their alcohlism while I was growing up. I agree with Satit, I was far more mature than them, even in my early teens.
They both got sober while I was in my 20's... the change in them was incredible. These were people I had never met.
I pray you can get to know your dad sober. But until then, I would have as little contact with him as possible.
The friends and family forums are also some good places to read and post. Some of the issues we deal with spouses, brothers and kids are similar to yours.
Please post again. Folks here care very much.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
Amanda, welcome to the board. We hope you will continue to come here.
Both of my parents are alcoholics. I am well into my adult years. I still get calls like the one you got from my dad. I haven't lived with my parents (who are still married) in 22 years, yet I still get those calls.
When he calls you, he is crazy. I'm not saying that lightly either. He is as completely out of his senses as the guy on the street talking to a person who doesn't exist. If you want to survive those phone calls, you'll need to remember that - it isn't your dad talking to you, it's some crazy guy you've never met before (well, actually, you met him plenty of times, but he's still crazy). If you can see his words for what they are (random psychotic ramblings), then you can distance yourself from them and they won't have as big an effect on you.
Are you attending AlAnon or AlAteen or seeing a therapist specializing in the long term effects of the alcoholic on the non-alcoholic? That would help you a lot, I think.
Also, you have the right to not speak to your father when he is in that state. You can hang up on him. There is no law which states that you must talk to your father if you don't want to. You are allowed (and encouraged by me) to tell him "You're drunk, and I don't want to talk to you" then hang up. Don't wait for a reply, just hang up. Remember, he is insane when he's like that. Those words have no meaning, and are most likely a complete lie.
There are many people who have had to go through what you're going through. Some of us are still going through it, but we're learning how to insulate ourselves from it.
I hope you continue to post here. Your position is not easy - at any age.
Both of my parents are alcoholics. I am well into my adult years. I still get calls like the one you got from my dad. I haven't lived with my parents (who are still married) in 22 years, yet I still get those calls.
When he calls you, he is crazy. I'm not saying that lightly either. He is as completely out of his senses as the guy on the street talking to a person who doesn't exist. If you want to survive those phone calls, you'll need to remember that - it isn't your dad talking to you, it's some crazy guy you've never met before (well, actually, you met him plenty of times, but he's still crazy). If you can see his words for what they are (random psychotic ramblings), then you can distance yourself from them and they won't have as big an effect on you.
Are you attending AlAnon or AlAteen or seeing a therapist specializing in the long term effects of the alcoholic on the non-alcoholic? That would help you a lot, I think.
Also, you have the right to not speak to your father when he is in that state. You can hang up on him. There is no law which states that you must talk to your father if you don't want to. You are allowed (and encouraged by me) to tell him "You're drunk, and I don't want to talk to you" then hang up. Don't wait for a reply, just hang up. Remember, he is insane when he's like that. Those words have no meaning, and are most likely a complete lie.
There are many people who have had to go through what you're going through. Some of us are still going through it, but we're learning how to insulate ourselves from it.
I hope you continue to post here. Your position is not easy - at any age.
~Amanda~
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: in a river of chocolate
Posts: 66
thank you
Thank you all so much for replying. I am soon going to be seeing someone to talk to. I have to wait a while but its going to be my first meeting. My uncle and aunt went to my af's house the day after I talked to him and told him he needs to get help and that they were going to turn him in if he doesnt. I dont know whats going to go on because we haven't spoken. I can only pray and hope he does get the help me needs..
Thanks so very much for the support and the hugs it means so much. My mother is indeed smart and wise for telling me to come here.
Thanks so very much for the support and the hugs it means so much. My mother is indeed smart and wise for telling me to come here.
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