kj21

I gave in to my ABF. He said he wanted to come home, hated living in a hotel. He said he has been having stupid thoughts. He knows he is messed up inside and is frustated he doesn't know why. He says he is trying, but no one believes him any way so who cares. He says he thinks about suicide being alone in a hotel night after night. He doesn't sound sorry, just angry at himself, says he hates himself. I don't know if I've done the right thing, I told him he could come home but don't to expect me to believehim about anything until his actions show it. I don't know if he is manipulating me or really needing to be home with his family right now? I guess time will tell. Thanks for letting me vent this.

teke

i kind of agree with anvil, unless he has a working plan of recovery in place, then he maybe quacking and manipulating. its your choice though, i do understand how hard it is to see them suffering, it took me 20yrs being seperated off and on with my rah, more off than on, too, before i was strong enough to stick to my boundaries, it don't have to take you that long though. try if you can, to began to seperate yourself emotionally and financially if you haven't already done that, and maybe take in a few more meetings, maybe have a plan in place just in case. keeping you and yours in my prayers.

Noah812

Welcome KJ21...um my first comment will be to you saying you don't know whether you are being manipulated or not. UMMMMM yes. I say that because he knew what he wanted and how to get it, that was to come home. He told you bad things, whether true or not the things he wanted you to hear until you let him come home. Its cause and effect. He cries and you pick the baby up (him), either manipulation or conditioning which ever you prefer. Don't worry we have all done it so its not to be down on yourself. I would agree with the above suggestions. keep coming here posting and reading.

Ann

Lock up your valuables and sleep with you car keys. You know the drill, yes?

Prayers go out for both of you, I know how hard this is.

Hugs

dollydo

You've made your decision, so now you'll have to face the music. Hope it works out for you, and that you don't jump in too deep. Keep your eyes and ears open, the whole truth is right before your eyes.

My best,
Dolly

hope213

your decision but i have to agree with the others,set your boundries & lock your things up. my first thought also was does he have a program in his life?good luck to you & prayers for you both,

Blackrose2756

Let me just tell you what happened with me. The 1st time I threw my ex out, he moved into a hotel. He told me how lonely he was at night & he knew he'd messed up & could I give him one more chance? He whined, he complained, he even started hanging out with a bimbo to make his point that he just "might" find someone else. I gave in. He was home a week & was drunk on his butt. I told him "go back to your hotel"....nothing has changed. He went back. I heard nothing for 3 weeks. Then I got a call from him in a psych ward. Seems that "nobody" cared & without me in his life...why go on. He jumped the window of the hotel with a cord around his neck into a group of people. I felt SO bad!! How could I let this happen?? I gave in. Let him come home. Heard all those wonderful "lies" & a month later he was back in jail for assault while he was high.

Moral of the story....yeah, I was manipulated. And yes, I'm sorry I gave in. It costs me 2 more years of pain & misery.

Lynne

Blackrose2756

Almost forgot. The doctor told me that this was a half-hearted attempt & I should NOT give in. Also found out later that he had done this before ( 3 times) & once since we've been split up.

cinderellawkids

DOnt be too hard on yourself. Im teh queen of giving in. However. Ill tell you it is more painful with eaach go around and detaching and making them leave gets harder. For you be kind to yourself, get some strong boundaries you can stick to even if you start small and work up.
I kicked my AH out again, this time saying I love you, I want you back but not until your selfsufficient and working a recovery plan. Im sticking with those two boundaries as long as it takes and I dont believe in miracle cures