malihas

just as a pendulum, he was suddenly behaving a little more civil with me last night. he said he'll be coming home about 10pm or so tonight... he didn't give a reason
it's sad that he doesnt even feel the need to let me know why he'll be late... almost feels like being a wife is just a label here without much meaning. i did ask him if it was a meeting and he said yeah (whihc is ******** because that company doesn't work beyond 8pm for ANY reason- those men are super family oriented)

how do you'll cope with stuff like this? just get detached from it? don't even ask next time? i know he loves me... but infidelity is not something out of his reach. i do believe in karma. and my mind frame right now is whatever he is doing is between him and his god.

just curiuos how you'll enjoy life day to day... in smaller scenarios like these would you'll just let go and let god and not even question..?

parentrecovers

i get help through alanon and private counseling. i'm glad you continue to post, it's a great place to vent. blessings, k

laketime

Your In The Right Place, There Are Many People On This Board Who Are Or Have Been Where You Are Right Now, Youll Get Lots Of Support Here.

hope213

i try to let let go & turn my a.s.over to my h.p. some times he does noty have one.i am sorry for all you are going thru.prayers for you both,

teke

well i do what you do.......... most of the time.......... i just don't ask, especially if i know that i'm not gonna believe him anyway. i try to keep the focus on me and only what i need to do for myself just in case i have to go at it alone. don't want to wait until i find myself alone and start then. makes it easier on me to detach emotionally and financially at first, then if need be, then maybe it'll be a little easier to detach physically. i always pray that it don't get to that, but i do try to keep myself prepared.

i realize that even if i knew the answers, that i could do anything to change him, i can only change me and how i allow his actions to affect me. still praying for you. have you gone to any meetings yet? they help a lot.

HKAngel24

It seems that the more we allow ourselves to take their abuse, the more they disrespect us.
I think it takes awhile to get into the routine of "letting go and letting God"
For whatever reason we feel more at ease when we attempt to control things - I am still not at the acceptance part of knowing that everything I try to do is fruitless and beyond my control.

Detaching is also difficult, especially when in your role as wife you DESERVE to be treated with respect and honesty and DESERVE a relationship where there is openness and compassion.

I am a classic "look into the future in fear" gal so taking things day by day is really a big step for me. It seems to work well when I've messed up the previous day, but when I'm caught in the worry cycle it is a strain to slow down and just focus on the beginning and end of this day and not allow my mind to spin off- working off my fear of the unknown and my lack of control over another.
I relied on my abf to give me my self-worth, attention and affection. Seems like it was my lifeline. Now when he clearly isn't able to do that, nor shoudl a normal person even have to do that for me... I try to control and freak out when I can't (which inevitably I can't...)

I pray for God to help me let go and love myself and detach with love, not in resentment or anger. My prayers are the same for you.