Aysha

I dont know...just need to vent yall.
Really about nothing. I woke up tired and had a hard time waking up. Sat in the freakin SS office for 3 hrs for nothing. These people must think I got a gas pump in my driveway.
Stressed because I am so tired of not working it is driving me mad.
I hate my grams has all the weight on her. Do I go to IOP or do I get a job and lose the medicaid?
Had a wonderful time at my aunt b day party. The DVD slide show my cousin made was so emotional. Especially to me now because I feel like I am finding that girl I once was in those pictures. We all felt it. It was amazing.
But I feel I need to be working. It is getting very crucial right now. We are a month behind on everything..No extra money at all.
My car needs to be inspected and my dash looks like a night club with all the lights on. But they are minor and I cant even get that done.
Waiting on the job I am suppose to get some time in May with my ex boss.
I just feel like I am waiting all the time.
I am strong in my recovery. I dont feel like getting high. It is the last thing on my mind. Which is very surprising. Seriously.
So that is good. But dang..I need to work. I need to pay some bills. I need to feel a little more productive.
And i need to quit listening to these dam sad songs when I feel this way.
Anyway..Not depressed just a little blue. Thanks needed to get that out.

Dee74

Hi Chiynita

it really sucks that you're down cos you're one of the main people who've always cheered me up round here...dang, you even did it in this post - I laughed so hard at 'the dash looks like a nightclub' line, I sprayed coke (fizzy kind) all over my monitor...looks like I'll have to change my nick to 'Sticky Fingers'....

thinkin' of ya - hope things get better really soon
((hugs))

peace'n'love
D

Golfman

Chiy,

You're new in recovery. Lots of new feeling and emotions are going to pop up that were always there before, but under the surface. I don't know your full situation but if you have an opportunity to go through IOP I'd grab it.

Your sobriety has to come first. I know it's financially difficult, most recoveries are at some time or another. I've learned over the years, and it's stated in the Big Book that there's nothing that can stand in the way of recovery if you are serious. Lack of a job, money, family are never to be used as excuses for delaying recovery and many who've gone before you have successfully regardless of their financial situations

Think of it this way....you're sittting at the shore of a crystal clear lake. The surface is smooth. When you toss a pebble into it, you can see the ripples fan out for what seems like forever. If that pebble represents your sobriety, then all those ripples represent the good that will come of it. On the other hand, if you do not recover, that same pebble will produce a ripple effect that will be devastating to you and those around you.

Chiy, do what you fell in your heart is best. That's where God resides and He will never direct you down the wrong path.

Your in sobriety,
Ed

Rusty Zipper

chiy, sweety... just send'n ya a hug...

(((old school)))

xxoo, zip

parentrecovers

hugs, chiynita - you're doing great. blessings, k

Luckyv2

((((((chiynita)))))

Just letting you know that I am here and too remind you that this too will pass. I hated to hear that early on, feeling like people just didn't understand. But early recovery just plan ass sucks at times. Heck sobriety sucks during your life. It wouldn't be normal nor would it be life to be happy all the time. It is ok to be sad!

With Love and Respect

Vic

Aysha

You guys are the best. I feel better today.

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling better!

Rowan

I'm glad you are feeling better today, Chiynita. You've done so much to lift others' spirits - and I enjoy reading your posts. You've got a good heart, and it shows. ((((hugs)))) to you for a wonderful day.

Rowan

Dee74

That is *excellent* news !

As you know, I'm a newbie in recovery too but I think what Golfman says about feelings and emotions that were there before are gonna resurface is pretty much...well, on par (OK, couldn't resist the pun)

I've been feeling lonely and depressed at various times throughout this last week...couldn't for the life of me work out why, until I remembered those were the kinds of feelings that got me started drinking in the first place way back when...for me, knowing that these feelings are old ones somehow has made it easier for me to deal with the occasional 'blue' bits this week...

peace
D

Aysha

Well you all. I got my old job back today. This will be the fourth time around since Dec. They must have faith in me too. Although they know nothing about why..They only know I have been having medical issues. I go back tonight. I am so relieved. I am still gonna go to IOP tomorrow and see if I can work something around my work schedule.
BUT...Here is where my true test of recovery are going to start. My trigger is money. So me and my family have already agreed that someone go with me to get my check and strait to pay whatever bills need paying and the rest goes to one of them except little pocket change. My cousin is on maternity leave for the next 3 mos. and she has been right by my side the whole way. So I will keep her busy and her me.
My ex..well now present again boss/ friend told me last night. "God would never shut a door without opening another."
He is so right.
Wow..I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted.
Thanks all of you.

Change4life

I am glad you are feeling better. I know the feelings of financial hardship all to well. I am presently living in a situation I absolutely hate because I cant afford my own apartment. Hang in there a job will come. I dont know much about you at all, but you obviously have a great sense of humor. I got a well needed laugh from the description of your car troubles. The situation isnt funny but you are able to joke about it anyone. That really shows character!

Aysha

I am just a goofy... silly... person. Gotta laugh as much as possible at anything you can. Defense mechanism? ...Maybe..But i sure do like to have fun and laugh at anything. Yea..Doesnt take alot to amuse me.

Thanks for your comment.
Man I am beat and my back is killing me. They put me to work for sure my first day back. But it hurts so good.
Hey next request in Crank it up.

Dee74

new/old job ? That is awesome news Chiynita ~!!

D

BehindBlueEyes

Chiy,

I love reading your posts. You are a woman of such great strength, and you have one heck of a sense of humor....Good things ARE happening for you.
You take care and stay strong!

Aysha

Thanks again all.
Boy..My feet hurt..my back hurts...I am tired..But it feels great LOL.
I havent worked in like a month and a half. The place is a wreck. I am the organizer and cleaner. I like things in their place. I am very maticulous (sp?) when it comes to things like that. So i have alot to keep me busy. No more overnights. YAY! MAybe I can actually see the light of day now.
You guys are awesome!!

parentrecovers

way to go, chiynita - it's great that you are back to work. blessings, k

hope3

I'm happy for you Chiynita, you are living the life.

Bless you, hope3

Aysha

You know what else has helped? My grams has been telling me this for years.
I have had a black sheet covering my windows for years. Wherever we lived..Up went the sheet to keep the light out. And paranoia too.
When I went inpatient she took it down and it has been ever since.
Sunlight is good.

BehindBlueEyes

LOL! Sunlight is Very good!
And BTW I hear ya,
"A place for everything, and everything in it's place".
That's my motto. heehee.