I want to quit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
I want to quit
How do I bow out of life? If I did drugs, thats where Id be now..
If I drank, Id be in a bottle right now.
But my addiction is to alcoholism....the diseased person. Not the alcohol.
And I want to numb the pain. I want to give up and quit but I dont know how.
Everything hurts.
Help.
If I drank, Id be in a bottle right now.
But my addiction is to alcoholism....the diseased person. Not the alcohol.
And I want to numb the pain. I want to give up and quit but I dont know how.
Everything hurts.
Help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hey there (((BigGirlPanties)))
I'm sorry you are feeling so blue. I know it probably doesn't help much...but try to remind yourself that "this too shall pass". It is a mood...and it will change. What can you do right this second to make yourself feel better? Silly sitcom? Bubble bath and a good cry? Walk around the block? Cooking soup from scratch? Call a friend? It's different for everyone...just trying to think of things you could do to switch the night around.
Do you know what you are sad about?
I'm sorry you are feeling so blue. I know it probably doesn't help much...but try to remind yourself that "this too shall pass". It is a mood...and it will change. What can you do right this second to make yourself feel better? Silly sitcom? Bubble bath and a good cry? Walk around the block? Cooking soup from scratch? Call a friend? It's different for everyone...just trying to think of things you could do to switch the night around.
Do you know what you are sad about?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 149
hi- i'm sorry you are feeling down. i like the reminder from new england girl to remember that feelings pass-- an hour ago i felt like kicking the bucket. i still feel lonely and nothing has changed-- but my outlook has shifted ever so slightly, so at least i don't feel like kicking the bucket. a little snack, watching the dog lick to soup pot (funny you should mention homemade soup...); maybe write a letter to a friend-- tiny things when the bigger things seem out of reach. hang in there. know that you are appreciated and loved.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
I was sharing at a meeting last week about how 'our' disease is in our head and a relapse is not always visible.
When I get to where you are right now...I have some coping mechanisms that seem to help. At the very least I can 'white knuckle it' until it passes....and it always passes.
Here are some of the things I do to help distract myself from myself!
pray
get to a meeting or two or three
funny movie (mentioned already)
exercise for 5-10 minutes...or even 1-2 minutes can help
have a snack
call a friend
come here to SR
Whatever it is that is troubling you right now I pray that you will get past it and maybe later on you can look at whatever it is in a different light.
When I get to where you are right now...I have some coping mechanisms that seem to help. At the very least I can 'white knuckle it' until it passes....and it always passes.
Here are some of the things I do to help distract myself from myself!
pray
get to a meeting or two or three
funny movie (mentioned already)
exercise for 5-10 minutes...or even 1-2 minutes can help
have a snack
call a friend
come here to SR
Whatever it is that is troubling you right now I pray that you will get past it and maybe later on you can look at whatever it is in a different light.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Central Coast, CA
Posts: 77
Hi BGP,
I'm sad that you're feeling down.
It is more difficult to gauge when we don't just have the option of not consuming a substance and these are real people we're dealing with. I've often thought that some substance like alcohol could be simpler to get out from under than something like a food addiction - everyone needs to eat. Similarly, we all need relationship. It can be very frustrating.
It's fantastic that you've posted - Reaching out rather than isolating. That shows health. You will learn from this, and you will get through it, and you will do things differently in the future. This is not the end of your road.
Sometimes people will tell me that my kids are growing so fast, but because I'm always around them maybe I didn't notice it so much - it wasn't as obvious to me. Sometimes it's the same way when we're growing - we've still got a good ways to go and we don't notice how much we've grown because we're always with ourselves.
I was feeling hopeless a while back and made a gratitude list. It was helpful, but what really helped me was when I started to get mad. I looked at what I wanted out of my life and marriage - more than a meager distressed existence - and what my life was turning into and I got so mad I decided to do things differently. Even if things didn't turn out rosy, at least they would be different and maybe something better would emerge. I also noticed that I was no longer doing things for myself that I used to do regularly and forced myself to do them - a little excercise here and there, a hair appointment, hot bubble bath - little stuff.
If you have a cup of vinegar and sit it under the faucet of clean, clear water and let the water run, you will get a nice cup of water after a while. When you feel yucky, try putting more good stuff in. Keep putting more good stuff in. If it doesn't work, put different good stuff in. Eventually you will wind up with more good stuff than you started out with.
BGP, I can tell from your posts that you are a smart, witty, vibrant person with a lot of wisdom and a lot of spunk. Love (the verb) yourself first - the feelings will follow.
This too shall pass....
I'm sad that you're feeling down.
It is more difficult to gauge when we don't just have the option of not consuming a substance and these are real people we're dealing with. I've often thought that some substance like alcohol could be simpler to get out from under than something like a food addiction - everyone needs to eat. Similarly, we all need relationship. It can be very frustrating. It's fantastic that you've posted - Reaching out rather than isolating. That shows health. You will learn from this, and you will get through it, and you will do things differently in the future. This is not the end of your road.
Sometimes people will tell me that my kids are growing so fast, but because I'm always around them maybe I didn't notice it so much - it wasn't as obvious to me. Sometimes it's the same way when we're growing - we've still got a good ways to go and we don't notice how much we've grown because we're always with ourselves.
I was feeling hopeless a while back and made a gratitude list. It was helpful, but what really helped me was when I started to get mad. I looked at what I wanted out of my life and marriage - more than a meager distressed existence - and what my life was turning into and I got so mad I decided to do things differently. Even if things didn't turn out rosy, at least they would be different and maybe something better would emerge. I also noticed that I was no longer doing things for myself that I used to do regularly and forced myself to do them - a little excercise here and there, a hair appointment, hot bubble bath - little stuff.
If you have a cup of vinegar and sit it under the faucet of clean, clear water and let the water run, you will get a nice cup of water after a while. When you feel yucky, try putting more good stuff in. Keep putting more good stuff in. If it doesn't work, put different good stuff in. Eventually you will wind up with more good stuff than you started out with.
BGP, I can tell from your posts that you are a smart, witty, vibrant person with a lot of wisdom and a lot of spunk. Love (the verb) yourself first - the feelings will follow.
This too shall pass....
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Wish I could give you a hug and help you cry, sometimes a good cry helps the most.
How about some open AA meetings?
Maybe pound nails in a board, something active to release anger, hurt, fear grief, and all emotions. Pounding a pillow was too soft and dainty for me.
Caring, understanding hugs Hang on.
How about some open AA meetings?
Maybe pound nails in a board, something active to release anger, hurt, fear grief, and all emotions. Pounding a pillow was too soft and dainty for me.
Caring, understanding hugs Hang on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: northeastern California
Posts: 80
You don't deserve to be putting yourself through such miserable, crippling thoughts and I hope you'll ask God for the strength and courage to put up a good fight for yourself! Have faith that He will help you. Have faith in yourself, too.
Big caring hugs,
Luv
Big caring hugs,
Luv
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Girl, i'll start by saying... I love you1 I have so many times felt the way you do now, hell I have even done somethings I should not have.. I never really know why I get down like this all I do know is that it does pass. I'm glad you came here to post this! We are here for you.
Have you called anyone? Friends, family? Thats what I do, it helps. Or I call my alanon buddies. Hang in there. Luv you.
Kermmie
Have you called anyone? Friends, family? Thats what I do, it helps. Or I call my alanon buddies. Hang in there. Luv you.
Kermmie
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
(((BGP)))
I think it must be something in the air! I too have been feeling pretty out of it for the past week. Feels as though I've gone back two years in time....like I was holding a one-way ticket to hell. Like you, I too know what, or rather 'who' is bothering me and I'm fighting what I'm pretty sure I need to do about the situation, but for now, all I can do is run for my life from the unplesant decision I need to make.
Yesterday was the worst for me. I even thought of how easy it would be to drown myself in a bottle, but then this morning I'd be dealing with one heck of a hangover....no thanks! That wouldn't solve a thing...it would just delay/intensify the hopelessness of it all.
Instead, I said to hell with my responsibilities (except for caring for my furbabies). I kept my phone turned off and did what ever I wanted to do in the moment. I slept, ate unhealthy foods, cried...nope...didn't feel better. Then I remembered my music. I went out to my car and dragged in all my cds and I found songs that fit exactly how I was feeling. Pat Benatar's cover of the Beatles tune HELTER SKELTER blared through my apt. more than once yesterday. I'm sure my neighbors were not pleased, LOL! Eventually, the blues/angry songs that I was playing turned into more upbeat songs and I started excercising/dancing kind of thing. I guess admitting how I was truly feeling (through the music), then actually moving my body kind of brought me out of it somewhat. Thank God for my music.
Journaling also helps me too. I write whatever I want....HOWEVER I want, just to get it out. After I can't write/type anymore, I force myself to go outside for a minute, even if it's just to get the mail. Sometimes the change in scenery helps, even for just a few minutes.
Sometimes we just have to feel it, but with a time limit, then try to pull ourselves out of it. But when nothing works, then I know I need to call my counselor and schedule an apt.
I hope you find some ways to help you through this rough patch. We're all here for you. Just remember, it's always darkest before the dawn.
I think it must be something in the air! I too have been feeling pretty out of it for the past week. Feels as though I've gone back two years in time....like I was holding a one-way ticket to hell. Like you, I too know what, or rather 'who' is bothering me and I'm fighting what I'm pretty sure I need to do about the situation, but for now, all I can do is run for my life from the unplesant decision I need to make.
Yesterday was the worst for me. I even thought of how easy it would be to drown myself in a bottle, but then this morning I'd be dealing with one heck of a hangover....no thanks! That wouldn't solve a thing...it would just delay/intensify the hopelessness of it all.
Instead, I said to hell with my responsibilities (except for caring for my furbabies). I kept my phone turned off and did what ever I wanted to do in the moment. I slept, ate unhealthy foods, cried...nope...didn't feel better. Then I remembered my music. I went out to my car and dragged in all my cds and I found songs that fit exactly how I was feeling. Pat Benatar's cover of the Beatles tune HELTER SKELTER blared through my apt. more than once yesterday. I'm sure my neighbors were not pleased, LOL! Eventually, the blues/angry songs that I was playing turned into more upbeat songs and I started excercising/dancing kind of thing. I guess admitting how I was truly feeling (through the music), then actually moving my body kind of brought me out of it somewhat. Thank God for my music.
Journaling also helps me too. I write whatever I want....HOWEVER I want, just to get it out. After I can't write/type anymore, I force myself to go outside for a minute, even if it's just to get the mail. Sometimes the change in scenery helps, even for just a few minutes.
Sometimes we just have to feel it, but with a time limit, then try to pull ourselves out of it. But when nothing works, then I know I need to call my counselor and schedule an apt.
I hope you find some ways to help you through this rough patch. We're all here for you. Just remember, it's always darkest before the dawn.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
BGP, there was a time when my pain was so intense and never ending that if someone had offered me a pill that would give me just one day of peace, I would have been tempted to take it...but already I knew better, which left me dealing with pain.
What helped me was my meetings, my sponsor and learning to work the 12 Steps of codependency. I stayed "stuck" on Step 1 (accepting my powerlessness over others) and Step 2, which brought me hope, just hope that maybe I too could be restored to sanity like those around me who had something I desperately wanted...peace.
This all sounds so "textbook" but I can honestly tell you that learning to work these steps has given me coping tools that I can apply to every single area of my life. It brought me just a glimmer of hope and light that led me to a better path and a life today that is filled with beauty and light and peace like I have never known.
My addict (son) still suffers. I have no idea where he is and a pretty good idea of how sick he is, and today I no longer have to live in the dark hell of his addiction. Today I can live in the light of my recovery and trust everything else to God.
I don't know if my story helps you but I can promise you that there is hope for each one of us, that we don't have to live in the darkness forever.
We walk together on this journey and for those who are still living in the darkness, I will share my light, my candle of hope. It's bright enough for all of us and will never go out again.
Hugs of Hope
What helped me was my meetings, my sponsor and learning to work the 12 Steps of codependency. I stayed "stuck" on Step 1 (accepting my powerlessness over others) and Step 2, which brought me hope, just hope that maybe I too could be restored to sanity like those around me who had something I desperately wanted...peace.
This all sounds so "textbook" but I can honestly tell you that learning to work these steps has given me coping tools that I can apply to every single area of my life. It brought me just a glimmer of hope and light that led me to a better path and a life today that is filled with beauty and light and peace like I have never known.
My addict (son) still suffers. I have no idea where he is and a pretty good idea of how sick he is, and today I no longer have to live in the dark hell of his addiction. Today I can live in the light of my recovery and trust everything else to God.
I don't know if my story helps you but I can promise you that there is hope for each one of us, that we don't have to live in the darkness forever.
We walk together on this journey and for those who are still living in the darkness, I will share my light, my candle of hope. It's bright enough for all of us and will never go out again.
Hugs of Hope
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Dont quit before the miracles in your life happen.
What i really believed was the end,turned , around to be new beginnings.Got down on my knees and asked God to please help me.And it happened.
Please know that i understand where you are at today.Thank you for sharring.
God ,grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
What i really believed was the end,turned , around to be new beginnings.Got down on my knees and asked God to please help me.And it happened.
Please know that i understand where you are at today.Thank you for sharring.
God ,grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
full of hope
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Praying for you BGP! I don't know if it helps that anybody has been where you are before, but we all have. It's like you wake up one day and you don't know who you are or how you got here and everyday you wake up to the same....
I realized once you can't appreciate a sunrise if you never saw the night. And isn't God just grand--He doesn't leave us alone in the dark...He gave us the stars and moon. We are never alone and the beauty is there....if we want to see it.
GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
Living ONE DAY AT A TIME
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will
That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in the next
Amen
I realized once you can't appreciate a sunrise if you never saw the night. And isn't God just grand--He doesn't leave us alone in the dark...He gave us the stars and moon. We are never alone and the beauty is there....if we want to see it.
GOD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
Living ONE DAY AT A TIME
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will
That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in the next
Amen
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Over_It 
If you have a cup of vinegar and sit it under the faucet of clean, clear water and let the water run, you will get a nice cup of water after a while. When you feel yucky, try putting more good stuff in. Keep putting more good stuff in. If it doesn't work, put different good stuff in. Eventually you will wind up with more good stuff than you started out with.
i LOVE that!
like the rest of you, i also have good days and bad days. yesterday was a terrible one (was there something in the water??) and i woke up today with a fresh new outlook. i read a story by chekhov for a class i'm taking, and it was about a man who wasted his entire life only focusing on the negatives... not taking the time to appreciate the beauty of a lake or a sunset, and only thinking about the lack of money he has, how much he hates others, etc. he didn't realize until the day he died that there was more to life. that there was such beauty but his heart was filled with absolute hatred, that he couldn't appreciate anything anymore. it really struck home with me and how i was feeling lately.
bgp, think about how much you have to be thankful for, not what you lack. allow yourself to think about the situation for 10 seconds, and then decide you want to look at the beauty in your backyard for a few minutes. there's so much we all take for granted. we can see and hear, we can read and write, and many people can't. we've had people who have loved us, and we've loved others. some people, in all their lives, never know what love (or heartbreak) feels like. just a thought.
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