Surrender63

I've been in and out of AA for 12 years now and the longest time sober has been 3 months.. I started going again 3 weeks ago and have relapsed twice. It's time for me to start getting it. I'm very lonely here no friends really and have some financial problems along with the booze. The shame/quilt of admitting my alcoholism is keeping me drinking. Anyone else that can relate to my situation ? I would like to hear from.

GlassPrisoner

BB of AA, pg 155
Yeah, I've been there. More than once.

3 months is just enough time to de-tox and have the fog lift. I don't know what you're doing, but something has to change. It's obviously not working.

Do you have a sponsor ? Do you read the big book ? How many meetings do you go to ?

Surlyredhead

I can totally relate, it took me 10 years to get more than 45 days...in-a-row!!!
Please post often, we are here for you.....Cathy

Anna

Oh yes, Confused, I can relate too. The shame is really hard to deal with, but accepting the reality is the first step towards dealing with it. The hardest thing about getting sober for me, was looking at myself as I really was. And, that was also the best thing. I wasn't the perfect person I had tried to be, but finally I could see the real me.

lostmdboy

I think I have know I was an Alcoholic since my early teens. Always knew I did not drink like everyone else. It took me like 30, but I have started AA (again), but this time I am following directions. I have a sponcer. A going to meetings (and doing a lot of listening), and doing service work. So far so good. Today I was sober. One day at a time.

lisap

Hi there,

I live in Denver and I am sure we have crossed paths at meetings. I have been in and out of AA for two years, I know because two girls I started with just celebrated two years. It is hard not to be envious b/c I feel like the last two years have been "wasted" in more ways than one. The most time I have had is 60 days. Once again I am in my first thirty days, but as they say keep coming back. The depression, anxiety and shame that drinking brings is to much to handle for me today. Hang in there and I will say a prayer for you.

lisap

Golfman

Hey now...nothing is wasted in God's world. He will use your "wasted years" in a way that will greatly benefit you. You're back in AA again so those years really weren't wasted. You needed to get where you got so you could get back here. Remember, shame will tell you that you are a mistake and believe me, you're not a mistake. You've made some bad decisions, but that only means your guilt of some screwed up thinking. You made a mistake, you're not a mistake.

Yours in sobriety,
Ed

TINLIZZY

Confused -

Welcome to SR!

If you read around a bit, you will see that we all have/are there (myself included). Trying/failing/trying again. I've just begun to "work the program" and feel confident that this is it.

Keep trying and keep posting.

TinLizzy

Dee74

wow, thanks Ed, I never thought of it in that way before.

To be honest, I'm still too much a 'sober newbie' to worry about benefits to me (I'm waiting for that darn self esteem to grow back in !) but I am trying to see how I can start to give things back.

thanks again
D

citychick

Hi Cofused,
I can understand how your feeling. I busted after 100 days. It was awful, the shame ,guilt, depression and remorse.

But, from that low vantage point, I had no option other than to take a good long look at myself and realize "that while I was judging my self by my good intentions, everyone else was judging me by my actions".

Also, a head full of A.A and a gut full of alcohol aren't a good mix. You'll make it 1 day at a time. Don't be too hard on yourself!

ayla zaire

hi denver.....i think most of us can totally relate to you......i relapsed at 45 days......but of course i tried to quit quite a few times before that....never made it past a few days, though......now i'm at 136 days and counting.......you can make it.....i said to someone today that those of us who make it are those of us who keep trying, and i think that applies to you....keep trying....don't ever give up.....you will get it, find the mentality it takes to get and stay sober......just keep reaching out for help...and definately keep posting here.....you will find so much help and support.......

good luck to you
ayla

Raineydae

A new AA friend of mine, who is 4 years sober, said a similar wise thing to what Ed said above about my so called wasted years. She said it to me after my first meeting and it had a profound affect on me.
Those horrible, sick times remind me that I have hope now all the while, I don't touch the first drink. I need them and I don't want to forget. For me, that would be dangerous.
The day I went to AA and realy began to listen (many of you may know how against it I felt in the beginning and how skeptical), I began to feel less shame. I'm comfortable now to say honestly that I had a big problem with alcohol and that I couldn't help it. What a relief!
Confused, do you think you take a real big step and ask someone to be your sponsor, if only temporary?

parentrecovers

it's nice to meet you, denver. keep posting - recovery is possible. blessings, k

wezzy55

Life is a roller coaster anyway--keep drinking and lows get lower.......After 35 years of this mess------Today I ask myself.."WHAT WAS I THINKING"....starting over today but not sure if I'll make it.......