LetGo15

Hi everyone, some of you might remember my post from a few weeks ago.

It won't allow me to post the link. But you all can check in my profile on the topics I've posted to refresh your memories.

Anyway, I found out he was using. Not from him directly but from a very good and trusted source. But I already 'knew' in my heart that he was, it just re-affrimed that my feeling wasn't off base.

I broke it off with him, for many reasons. The lying about the using was one of many reasons. So now I wait, for the zillion phone calls, the promises of change and the 'I love you more than I ever loved anyone' speech. (I've been thru this before).

This time I am sticking to it. I refused to be used, lied to, verbally abused and held back from me living a healthy life with a healthy partner (when it's right for that to happen). I have had enough, I hit my bottom with this.

I am really looking forward to reconnecting with my friends again. I put them aside because of this albatros that I allowed myself to be involved with.

I'm keeping my focus on myself and what I need. For so long I haven't been meeting my need emotionally, physically, etc. and now it's my turn. I'm taking the time to get back to that happy vegetarian yoga instructor that I am. Relationship is on the back burner for awhile.

I'm feeling really good here about this.

teke

good for you and i'm praying that it all works out the way its meant to be. your recovering is shinning and i'm so proud of you. thanks for sharing your recovery, i'm sorry that it had to come to this, but you do deserve a healthy relationship.

dollydo

I so appreciate your posting, maybe it will help others who are drowning in co-dependency, there is a better life for all of us, once we move forward.

Hugs,
Dolly

LetGo15

Thank you both for your supportive words.

This has been a long time coming. Unfortunately his addiction has been over the past 20 years. Sobriety then using, sobriety then using. His ex wife also became an addict during their marriage, she is still in her addiction and not really seeking treatment. He also has kids that are between 12 and 16. I can't be the person who keeps cleaning up the mistakes and telling them that everything is OK. It's not. With me in the picture he had the 'scape goat' to use without taking responsibility for his kids, who he has full custody of (she has a court order not to have contact with them).

He can be verbally abusive, which is something I've never experienced in my past relationships. It's insidious the way it creeps up on you, at least with physical abuse you (hopefully) see it right there and then, not that I wish that on anyone. Any type of abuse is just that ABUSE. It's part of his nature while he is in his addiction and even during his periods of sobriety.

I never seeked to change him, I guess I enabled him by keeping things 'looking' fine. My bad.

This isn't to say that a recovering addict can't change, they can. I've know recovering addicts who have and are totally fantastic people who are very open and accepting, full of life and love. But they REALLY worked the program.

I do have a wish for him that he sees sobriety and makes it a life long commitment for HIMSELF.

dollydo

"I do have a wish for him that he sees sobriety and makes it a life long commitment for HIMSELF."


All I can say is: Amen

mooselips

LetGo15,
I'm happy for you that you've decided to move on with your life, as you already know, you are worth so much more than that.


Hugs, and happiness,

LetGo15

Thank you.

You all are so supportive, it brings tears to my eyes. All I can say is THANK YOU ALL. Here I feel safe to talk about things that I had no one to talk to about.