suddenly sad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
suddenly sad
Hi Friends,
Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. I was planning to buy him a new tire for his motorcycle for his birthday. He needs a new tire badly and the bike is overdue for inspection because it won't pass without a new tire. I called the shop and they needed the size infromation on the tire. I called my husband at home and asked him to tell me the size number so I can order the tire. He said that he does not want me to buy him a new tire for his birthday. He said that I have bought him enough for the bike and he wants to wait until he has the money himself to buy it.
I should be feeling good because he does not want me to buy him the tire. That he wants to stand on his own and find a way to pay for it. But it just makes me feel sad. Sad that I cannot buy a gift for my husband for his birthday. Sad that we are paying so much money for that motorcycle and don't have the inspection current or a safe tire. I guess it is just a reminder that our life seems to be going down the toilet.
He did ask that we go to the beach for the day on Sat and sit in the sun. I was supposed to go somewhere with my daughter tomorrow, but I will ask her to have someone else go with her so I can be free to go to the beach with my husband. It is a simple request that he made, and I will try to honor it.
I am trying to have faith that things will work out, one way or another. I was feeling ok this morning now I feel kind of low. Luckily I am headed to an Alanon meeting at lunch.
Last weekend we went to NY to visit his parents. On the way home I told him that I couldn't accept his not having a job. That I have tried to accept it but I can't. I didn't give him any ultimatium, I just told him calmly that I couldn't accept this situation. He said in a flip way that he would find a job by the end of the week, now leave me alone. I don't believe that he has taken any steps toward getting a job this week. I just don't know how this can keep going on. I guess one day at a time. But one day at a time we are sinking into the hole. Someday soon we will have spent the money that was put away for the kids college. Then what?
Sorry for the rambeling note.
Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. I was planning to buy him a new tire for his motorcycle for his birthday. He needs a new tire badly and the bike is overdue for inspection because it won't pass without a new tire. I called the shop and they needed the size infromation on the tire. I called my husband at home and asked him to tell me the size number so I can order the tire. He said that he does not want me to buy him a new tire for his birthday. He said that I have bought him enough for the bike and he wants to wait until he has the money himself to buy it.
I should be feeling good because he does not want me to buy him the tire. That he wants to stand on his own and find a way to pay for it. But it just makes me feel sad. Sad that I cannot buy a gift for my husband for his birthday. Sad that we are paying so much money for that motorcycle and don't have the inspection current or a safe tire. I guess it is just a reminder that our life seems to be going down the toilet.
He did ask that we go to the beach for the day on Sat and sit in the sun. I was supposed to go somewhere with my daughter tomorrow, but I will ask her to have someone else go with her so I can be free to go to the beach with my husband. It is a simple request that he made, and I will try to honor it.
I am trying to have faith that things will work out, one way or another. I was feeling ok this morning now I feel kind of low. Luckily I am headed to an Alanon meeting at lunch.
Last weekend we went to NY to visit his parents. On the way home I told him that I couldn't accept his not having a job. That I have tried to accept it but I can't. I didn't give him any ultimatium, I just told him calmly that I couldn't accept this situation. He said in a flip way that he would find a job by the end of the week, now leave me alone. I don't believe that he has taken any steps toward getting a job this week. I just don't know how this can keep going on. I guess one day at a time. But one day at a time we are sinking into the hole. Someday soon we will have spent the money that was put away for the kids college. Then what?
Sorry for the rambeling note.
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Rose,
Could it be possible that you are feeling sad because you are missing out on some "care-taking"? Because I have felt this way too. It sounds like maybe HE isn't as worried about getting the tire as you are. As a codependant, it feels so good to be able to give and nurture... the drawback is that we feel like victims when we don't get the same in return.
Just a thought.
And even if this is not the case... Spending the day at the beach sounds wonderful. Maybe a much better gift, for BOTH of you!
Take care
Meg
Could it be possible that you are feeling sad because you are missing out on some "care-taking"? Because I have felt this way too. It sounds like maybe HE isn't as worried about getting the tire as you are. As a codependant, it feels so good to be able to give and nurture... the drawback is that we feel like victims when we don't get the same in return.
Just a thought.
And even if this is not the case... Spending the day at the beach sounds wonderful. Maybe a much better gift, for BOTH of you!
Take care
Meg
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Rose,
I am glad you said what you said. And it even sounds like he heard you because he answered. There is not alot you can do after that...he knows how you feel. The ball is his. Do you happen to have a catcher's mask??
((hugs)))
JT
I am glad you said what you said. And it even sounds like he heard you because he answered.
There is not alot you can do after that...he knows how you feel. The ball is his. Do you happen to have a catcher's mask??((hugs)))
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Don't be sad Rose! He saved you from doing one more thing you were going to add to the resentment list later. It's wonderful that he's realizing there are things he should be responsible for. Have a wonderful day at the beach. All he wants is your time... that's beautiful!
Big hugs!
Smoke
Big hugs!
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
(((((Rose)))) Enjoy your day at the beach! Soak up the sun, get your tootsies wet, build a sandcastle - sounds like you're due for some fun! (Don't forget the sunscreen 
)
Don't worry about the bike - you know how the guys can be with their projects - maybe he just needs to feel like he has one on the go!
Love and hugs.
)Don't worry about the bike - you know how the guys can be with their projects - maybe he just needs to feel like he has one on the go!
Love and hugs.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Thanks Friends!
Yes, Meg, I think I am missing my caretaking fix! And Smoke, you are right he is saving me ( and himself) one more resentment. And it is wonderful that he just wants to spend time with me and sit in the sun. That is the thing that keeps me here with him. Like the song says:"After all these years your still the one". That is how he feels about me, who can resist that? In some ways I can see he is further down the road than I am ( wow that is a lot for me to admit!! LOL)
It looks like the weather may not cooperate with our beach trip, but you never know we may get our day in the sun yet!
Yes, JT I told him how I feel and I know he feels the pressure. I wish I could deal with the fact that I keep spending money because I just want to. I don't want to reduce my spending because that would be like letting him off the hook for getting back to work. I know this is crazy thinking but I haven't been able to untangle my thinking YET. My sister encourages me to add a YET on the end of all my self put down statements. Oh yes, somehow I will get there because I am tired of feeling hopeless.
Thanks for the hugs everyone, I can really feel them. Here's for you Cheryl: ((((((((((((((((((Cheryl))))))))))))))
Yes, Meg, I think I am missing my caretaking fix! And Smoke, you are right he is saving me ( and himself) one more resentment. And it is wonderful that he just wants to spend time with me and sit in the sun. That is the thing that keeps me here with him. Like the song says:"After all these years your still the one". That is how he feels about me, who can resist that? In some ways I can see he is further down the road than I am ( wow that is a lot for me to admit!! LOL)
It looks like the weather may not cooperate with our beach trip, but you never know we may get our day in the sun yet!
Yes, JT I told him how I feel and I know he feels the pressure. I wish I could deal with the fact that I keep spending money because I just want to. I don't want to reduce my spending because that would be like letting him off the hook for getting back to work. I know this is crazy thinking but I haven't been able to untangle my thinking YET. My sister encourages me to add a YET on the end of all my self put down statements. Oh yes, somehow I will get there because I am tired of feeling hopeless.
Thanks for the hugs everyone, I can really feel them. Here's for you Cheryl: ((((((((((((((((((Cheryl))))))))))))))
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