AngrybutScared

I've only posted once or twice before but I find a lot of good advice etc., from reading the other posts. I just wanted to find out what everyones opinion is on this....

My brother will be approaching his 90 days sober mark. I know that it is a big deal and I would like to do something to "celebrate" it. It is the first time he has been sober longer then 2 weeks in almost 3 years. He lives in Florida right now at a great halfway house, and is holding down a part-time job. He has a sponser and has been faithfully going to meetings. I pray that he stays on the "right" track but am worried that its too soon to tell. Our relationship was severely damaged when he was using. He has put my family through hell and back and has caused so much pain for my family. Since coming out of rehab he has slowly tried to rebuild our relationship but I will admit I have been less then enthusiatic. I want him to be in my life, but Im not quite ready to take down all the walls I have built up. I'm too afraid of being hurt.

Even though we have been through a lot, I still support his recovery and would like to show him that. I was thinking about getting him a dog tag with the date of his "90 days" engraved on it, and on the back all of the names of the people in our family who are important to him (we have a very small family). Is that a good idea? Should I wait for a later date? Any other ideas on how to commerate this day? I really appreciate any input you might have <3

marteen

I'm not an addict but I have a feeling that making too much out of what is a "daily" struggle for him might make him feel too pressured. It's a wonderful idea but perhaps just a card of encouragement might be best for right now.

It's my understanding that addicts have a great deal of guilt and stress on them in early recovery. And sometimes just thinking they could disappoint someone might give them a reason to use again. I know that sounds crazy but each of their clean days are sometimes on very shaky ground. I understand you want him to know that you support him and a card and a little note of encouragement would tell him that. But the real work of recovery has to come from within him.

Hope that helps. That's just my two-cents' worth.



I pray he continues down that clean road! Way to go!

hope3

Hi angrybutScared, I'm a recovering alcoholic and thought I

would give a point of view from one alcoholic's side, I don't know how all

would view it.

Some of the hardest time spans in alcoholism according to studies, are the 30, 60, 90, 120, 1 year and 2 year mark. I am at 4 plus months and have the support of my S/O and friends. I celebrate every month as a milestone. I live each day as it comes and leave it behind, but we as humans always look to the future, we have to if we are to have goals.

Personally, I would be touched and not feel pressured, but supported by your

gift. I would feel proud and loved. Yes we take one day at a time, but we are quite happy to reach the 30, 60, 90, 120, day marks, speaking for myself anyway...

Weather you give him the gift or not is not going to determine weather or not

he relapses. But he will remember the gesture.

I hope he can stay on the recovery road, and if he does relapse, I hope he can get back on the road.

I wish you and your family the very best, hope3

Getoverit

I just "celebrated" 2 years............Got a lot of "congratulations", "atta - boy" etc. For what?? Doing what most people do all of thier lives - Live a healthy, responsible non-destructive life..........."If I don't pick up a drink - I can't possibly get drunk". Its nice to "mark my time", usually for the benefit of the newcomer - to show THEM that it works, but I cannot honestly make a "big deal" out of doing something "right" for a change. One day at a time.

hope213

i think i would just send him a card this time.mayb e do that in a yr. they have some nice soberity cards at hallmark.

unsure of

for me one day is good cause for celebration

teke

i'm a recovering addict, and i agree with the card gesture. relapse is so common and the fact that he is living in sober houses makes the difference to me. i'm glad that he is doing so well and you and him have a lot to celebrate, but its sort of easier to live in a controlled enviroment and stay sober. the real test comes when he is out and there is no one to monitor his actions. i think rather that spend money on an expensive gift right now, maybe a bit too soon, unless you just have the money like that.

its true that it maybe a miracle for him but addicts sometimes celebrate those milestones by using, then how would you feel. i pray that he keeps going and that you continur to stay strong.

Ann

I think that every day they are clean is a miracle and 90 days is a marker for them, so perhaps a nice card would be appropriate.

I don't think I would buy a gift until one year, but if they lived near me I might take them out for dinner or just some special "treat".

And I understand your caution about getting too close. We codies have been riding the emotional roller coaster too long and find that we don't have to let ourselves be vulnerable, not even emotionally, until the time is right for us.

Hugs