help please
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: costa rica
Posts: 3
help please
I have am really trying to get sober but my husband is a very functional alcoholic and doesn't seem to understand that I need to
quit. I have to leave him but that is the hardest thing I could ever do. I love him. Has anyone else had to do this? Any words of advice would help
quit. I have to leave him but that is the hardest thing I could ever do. I love him. Has anyone else had to do this? Any words of advice would help
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Marlenca,
Welcome!
I'm sure that was a very hard thing to do, but I know you did it because you had to. Taking care of yourself sometimes involves making very, very difficult choices.
You might check out the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forums where you'll find lots of support.
Welcome!
I'm sure that was a very hard thing to do, but I know you did it because you had to. Taking care of yourself sometimes involves making very, very difficult choices.
You might check out the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forums where you'll find lots of support.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Hi Marlenca..Glad you are here.
Ok..I have a BIG problem with "functional" being used with any kind of addiction.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING!
So don't think because you think someone is "functional" they are better off than you. Either you are or you aren't. There is no in between.
Addiction is addiction in every way, shape and form.
He should be more sensitive to what you want to do. That to me tells me "functional" definately is not the term to be used.
I am not a drinker and am not married..so Ireally don't have anything to add to that part.
You have the right idea to want to be clean. If Functional were to be used I think that is where it would be more appropriately used.
There is alot of support here and more people will be along that can relate more to your situation.
Glad you are here and keep postin. There is alot of support here.
Ok..I have a BIG problem with "functional" being used with any kind of addiction.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING!
So don't think because you think someone is "functional" they are better off than you. Either you are or you aren't. There is no in between.
Addiction is addiction in every way, shape and form.
He should be more sensitive to what you want to do. That to me tells me "functional" definately is not the term to be used.
I am not a drinker and am not married..so Ireally don't have anything to add to that part.
You have the right idea to want to be clean. If Functional were to be used I think that is where it would be more appropriately used.
There is alot of support here and more people will be along that can relate more to your situation.
Glad you are here and keep postin. There is alot of support here.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Originally Posted by marlenca 
I have am really trying to get sober but my husband is a very functional alcoholic and doesn't seem to understand that I need to
quit. I have to leave him but that is the hardest thing I could ever do. I love him. Has anyone else had to do this? Any words of advice would help
quit. I have to leave him but that is the hardest thing I could ever do. I love him. Has anyone else had to do this? Any words of advice would help
Welcome marlenca, you will find a lot of support here.
You have made a big step realizing that you need to quit.
I don't know how much you know about alcoholism, so I will give you a couple links on this site that I feel you can get some information that might help you.
First link is exerpts from under the influence and resource for information on how alcohol affects the alcoholic...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
This one is for the Friends and Family forum, they have more experience with how to detach from an alcoholic family member.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
I wish you the best in your recovery, and a Happy Easter as well.
Hope3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: costa rica
Posts: 3
I understand that my husband is an is an addict. What I was trying to do when I described him that way was to point out that he is not as motivated as me because he functions and has not suffered the more visible affects of drinking. Yes he should quit for me but the fact is that he is not going to. I know from experience that if I am around nondrinkers I can stop but my marriage is in every other way a very good one and leaving him might be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. I can't go to AA cause I am in a country where I don't speak the language. The closest AA meeting in English is over an hour away and I don't have a car.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Marlenca,
You need to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
This is from a site 'What's Happening in Costa Rica' and it's about an AA meeting in English:
"Alcoholics Anonymous Gringo Tico Group
meets in English in San Jose at 8 p.m. Mondays and Wednesdays, noon Thursdays, 10:30 a.m. Saturdays and 10:30 a.m. Sundays in Edificio Maryland on Ave. 6 and Calle 1. Call 22O-4076, 222-1880 or 441-8866."
And,
"meetings are held in Manuel Antonio Wednesdays and Fridays at 10 am; and Sundays at 5 p.m. at El Mono Azul Hotel and Restaurant. Call Jennifer at 777-1548 for information and directions."
Also, AA is not the only way to get and stay sober. There is lots of support here at SR. Yes, it will be harder if your husban is drinking, but you can still do it. Do whatever it takes!
You need to do whatever it takes to stay sober.
This is from a site 'What's Happening in Costa Rica' and it's about an AA meeting in English:
"Alcoholics Anonymous Gringo Tico Group
meets in English in San Jose at 8 p.m. Mondays and Wednesdays, noon Thursdays, 10:30 a.m. Saturdays and 10:30 a.m. Sundays in Edificio Maryland on Ave. 6 and Calle 1. Call 22O-4076, 222-1880 or 441-8866."
And,
"meetings are held in Manuel Antonio Wednesdays and Fridays at 10 am; and Sundays at 5 p.m. at El Mono Azul Hotel and Restaurant. Call Jennifer at 777-1548 for information and directions."
Also, AA is not the only way to get and stay sober. There is lots of support here at SR. Yes, it will be harder if your husban is drinking, but you can still do it. Do whatever it takes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: costa rica
Posts: 3
Thanks
Thanks so much Anna (one of my favorite names), San Jose is hard to get to. I am amazed that you took the time to get that info. I will do this. Whatever it takes
Thanks again Louise
Thanks again Louise
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hey Marlenca
I'm going through a vaguely similar kind of thing - I'm a musician and I'm always surrounded by drinkers, and especially drinkers who don't understand when I try to stop - some of them get quite heated about it - my best guess is they don't want to acknowledge their own issues.
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it yet (I'll keep you all posted) but I do know if I continue to drink just to fit in, to please others, or avoid conflict, I gonna end up dead.
Sometimes situations are difficult to leave or impossible to avoid, but I'm gonna try and keep a kind of moral compass in my head - I know what's right and what's good for *me*.
Sorry for the rambling - I'm new at this - but you have my support.
peace
D
I'm going through a vaguely similar kind of thing - I'm a musician and I'm always surrounded by drinkers, and especially drinkers who don't understand when I try to stop - some of them get quite heated about it - my best guess is they don't want to acknowledge their own issues.
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it yet (I'll keep you all posted) but I do know if I continue to drink just to fit in, to please others, or avoid conflict, I gonna end up dead.
Sometimes situations are difficult to leave or impossible to avoid, but I'm gonna try and keep a kind of moral compass in my head - I know what's right and what's good for *me*.
Sorry for the rambling - I'm new at this - but you have my support.
peace
D
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Hey!
I think it's beautiful that you managed to find a will to want to be sober in that confusion. I don't know how i'd react. I also think, if i can give you my opinion, that there is a slight chance your husband might be inspired by your sobriety.
Anyway, there is a time when we need to think about ourselves. You know right now i am going through a time when i am a little more selfish because i am trying to fix my problems, i can't afford to solve other people's like i used to. It's like saying: "i'm sorry i'm starting to look after me now, give me time and then i'll give you my time".
I think it's beautiful that you managed to find a will to want to be sober in that confusion. I don't know how i'd react. I also think, if i can give you my opinion, that there is a slight chance your husband might be inspired by your sobriety.
Anyway, there is a time when we need to think about ourselves. You know right now i am going through a time when i am a little more selfish because i am trying to fix my problems, i can't afford to solve other people's like i used to. It's like saying: "i'm sorry i'm starting to look after me now, give me time and then i'll give you my time".
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