Why do they lie?
survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: florida usa
Posts: 25
Why do they lie?
Why do they continue to lie, even when the truth is in their best interests?
I can understand lies to save yourself from "getting in trouble", but why the lies that have no visible reason other than just to lie. Maybe it's just control, to keep you on your toes.
I get so angry with myself for getting sucked in; and then I see others get sucked in, who are a lot farther away from the situation.
Everyone wants the alcoholic/addict to get better, to the point that when he seems to be making a god decision, we try to give him the benefit of the doubt. And then we are sucked in...when we any of us learn. The lies make no sense, the person makes no sense...none of it makes sense. Just move on. It is a process for those "left behind". Those of us that can remember the person that once was, and is no more.
Some day I will write a book. Until then, I will just try to stay sane, and away. Just GO AWAY!!
I can understand lies to save yourself from "getting in trouble", but why the lies that have no visible reason other than just to lie. Maybe it's just control, to keep you on your toes.
I get so angry with myself for getting sucked in; and then I see others get sucked in, who are a lot farther away from the situation.
Everyone wants the alcoholic/addict to get better, to the point that when he seems to be making a god decision, we try to give him the benefit of the doubt. And then we are sucked in...when we any of us learn. The lies make no sense, the person makes no sense...none of it makes sense. Just move on. It is a process for those "left behind". Those of us that can remember the person that once was, and is no more.
Some day I will write a book. Until then, I will just try to stay sane, and away. Just GO AWAY!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
my ex gf lied to me about everything, even things that didn't even matter! i have a feeling there were days when i asked her what she ate for lunch and she lied right in my face. i've read that it's part of the disease.
i know it's so hard not to fall for it. my ex will say something to make ME think that she's changing, that there's still some of the old her left inside her body that's dying to get out, but i only end up getting my hopes up. at least now, after many lies and many instances where i believed she was telling the truth again, i can see that things just aren't going to change. i let myself think that maybe she does want to change, maybe the lies will stop, but regaining my trust is something that may take years, if it ever even happens.
don't be angry with yourself for getting sucked in. be angry with your A for purposely sucking you in.
i know it's so hard not to fall for it. my ex will say something to make ME think that she's changing, that there's still some of the old her left inside her body that's dying to get out, but i only end up getting my hopes up. at least now, after many lies and many instances where i believed she was telling the truth again, i can see that things just aren't going to change. i let myself think that maybe she does want to change, maybe the lies will stop, but regaining my trust is something that may take years, if it ever even happens.
don't be angry with yourself for getting sucked in. be angry with your A for purposely sucking you in.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Why do they lie? Umm let me think. The whole alcoholism thing is a lie. The 'a' has been lying to themselves for years. They can't be honest with themselves so they grab the bottle to take away the pain. Avoid, avoid is their motto.
Someone got the name wrong, it isn't an Alcoholic, it should be "Avoider"
Think about it, if you dont want to face something you avoid it, hide, run, dont answer your phone etc etc. The 'a' shuts down with a drink just so they dont have to face it and well, let's face it, aren't they so confident when they are drinking.
And then, they're so pissed the truth gets mixed up and they actually believe what they are saying. oh, also forgotten in the morning.
Look After Yourself
Someone got the name wrong, it isn't an Alcoholic, it should be "Avoider"
Think about it, if you dont want to face something you avoid it, hide, run, dont answer your phone etc etc. The 'a' shuts down with a drink just so they dont have to face it and well, let's face it, aren't they so confident when they are drinking.
And then, they're so pissed the truth gets mixed up and they actually believe what they are saying. oh, also forgotten in the morning.
Look After Yourself
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
It's not moral issue..it is an issue of convenient.
If a person has an obessive and complusive behavior
and a physical need to fill the body's addiction..
they would say and do anything to releave that pain.
If a person stands in that way...what would you expect.
let say..if you suffer from sometype of injury that's very painful.
Would you not cry out for anytype of releif ???
It's a stupid question i know....
let say u have to do #2 in public really bad.
mmm...do u really give a rat arss how you act or say anything.
You basically want everybody to get the hell out of the way by any means
so you can releave yorself. You have a deep desire to releave that pain.lol
If the public stall have a coin meter on it and you don't have a coin.
You bascially , beg , borrow or steal to get a coin.
Give up $20 for a quarter if you have to.
sometimes you might even try to kick the damn door down, too.
and be not so good of a mood....
Now, imagain yourself having to go throught this scenairo
24 hours a day, 7 days a week
And some poor soul tell'in ya, that you're an evil or bad person....
That's not too complicate is it ?
If a person has an obessive and complusive behavior
and a physical need to fill the body's addiction..
they would say and do anything to releave that pain.
If a person stands in that way...what would you expect.
let say..if you suffer from sometype of injury that's very painful.
Would you not cry out for anytype of releif ???
It's a stupid question i know....
let say u have to do #2 in public really bad.
mmm...do u really give a rat arss how you act or say anything.
You basically want everybody to get the hell out of the way by any means
so you can releave yorself. You have a deep desire to releave that pain.lol
If the public stall have a coin meter on it and you don't have a coin.
You bascially , beg , borrow or steal to get a coin.
Give up $20 for a quarter if you have to.
sometimes you might even try to kick the damn door down, too.
and be not so good of a mood....
Now, imagain yourself having to go throught this scenairo
24 hours a day, 7 days a week
And some poor soul tell'in ya, that you're an evil or bad person....
That's not too complicate is it ?
Last edited by SaTiT; 04-08-2007 at 03:08 AM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: concord, nc
Posts: 304
For years whatever my husband said I could "take it to the bank." Then alcohol came into the picture. Before I knew it, he was lying when he was sober. It blew my mind. Now the only "person" lying to me is my dog--says she wants to go potty but really just wants to go outside and play. I can handle that. Happy Easter.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: midwest
Posts: 231
Have you know anyone who lie as children turn into alcoholics /addicts?
My sister would lie as a child/preteen when it was just as easy to tell the truth. She would say she was going to a movie when she was going to a mall and vice versa. I was always stunned because I feel like why would she lie? I am basically honest person, even when caught in trouble I would admit it.
My stepdaughter lied a lot when I met her at age 7, and she ended up meth addict.
My sister is definitely problem drinker/partier if not an alcoholic.
We and my stepdaughter were raised in alcoholic homes also.
So I think in some cases if they lied a lot as a child turned into alcoholic/addict?
Personality disorder? I think there are some people who werent liars before alcoholism?
My sister would lie as a child/preteen when it was just as easy to tell the truth. She would say she was going to a movie when she was going to a mall and vice versa. I was always stunned because I feel like why would she lie? I am basically honest person, even when caught in trouble I would admit it.
My stepdaughter lied a lot when I met her at age 7, and she ended up meth addict.
My sister is definitely problem drinker/partier if not an alcoholic.
We and my stepdaughter were raised in alcoholic homes also.
So I think in some cases if they lied a lot as a child turned into alcoholic/addict?
Personality disorder? I think there are some people who werent liars before alcoholism?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I've met compulsive liers in my life.
One of my roomates was one. It's took me a little
while to figure it out. I just stop listen to him or
didn't take anything seriousely about anything that
came out of his mouth. Probably habits, i imagine.
I think what makes it harder with my GF
is I'm emotionally attach to her and/or have a
greater investment of my life with her. As long
as I'm emotionally attached to her...it was difficult
to make rational decision or take proper actions/enactions.
I found myself many time asking myself wtf just
happened ?..after an encounter episode of enabling
her. I knew what was right in my head even as she's
lying to me...I know it, but I cave in. But i'll figure
it out after a while and don't cave into the lying...
but it dosen't stop there, as we all know.
If lying dosn't work for her, she'll start world, war three with me. Now ...we're beyound emotional manipulations
Now it's just a test of will and energy. Having no rest
and her constantly picking a fight with me or trying
to get me to cave in...The longest period of this madness
that occur in one episode is around 80 hrs or all weekend
from the moment I got home from work. After a weekend
like that, and not being able to function all week at
work. Will...I'll just give in period. I just give her money so
she can go gambling or do whatever, just so I can rest.
Then I get into those habits of just enabling just so
I can have peace. Progression...??? and I'll be in a state of
confussion or shell shock. I'll get so tire, I don't have
the energy to fight or pack my bags and leave, and
the emotional attachment is so strong...I don't have
the energy to combate that. i just crawl into bed
and the alarm rings as if it's only been 5 minutes
before I'll have to go to work again.
I have to say...she has a lot of will power.As i said
She'll do anything necessary to get her fix.
She's the green eyes monster to me at that piont.
One of my roomates was one. It's took me a little
while to figure it out. I just stop listen to him or
didn't take anything seriousely about anything that
came out of his mouth. Probably habits, i imagine.
I think what makes it harder with my GF
is I'm emotionally attach to her and/or have a
greater investment of my life with her. As long
as I'm emotionally attached to her...it was difficult
to make rational decision or take proper actions/enactions.
I found myself many time asking myself wtf just
happened ?..after an encounter episode of enabling
her. I knew what was right in my head even as she's
lying to me...I know it, but I cave in. But i'll figure
it out after a while and don't cave into the lying...
but it dosen't stop there, as we all know.
If lying dosn't work for her, she'll start world, war three with me. Now ...we're beyound emotional manipulations
Now it's just a test of will and energy. Having no rest
and her constantly picking a fight with me or trying
to get me to cave in...The longest period of this madness
that occur in one episode is around 80 hrs or all weekend
from the moment I got home from work. After a weekend
like that, and not being able to function all week at
work. Will...I'll just give in period. I just give her money so
she can go gambling or do whatever, just so I can rest.
Then I get into those habits of just enabling just so
I can have peace. Progression...??? and I'll be in a state of
confussion or shell shock. I'll get so tire, I don't have
the energy to fight or pack my bags and leave, and
the emotional attachment is so strong...I don't have
the energy to combate that. i just crawl into bed
and the alarm rings as if it's only been 5 minutes
before I'll have to go to work again.
I have to say...she has a lot of will power.As i said
She'll do anything necessary to get her fix.
She's the green eyes monster to me at that piont.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Justjo nailed it for this recovering drunk....
I couldn't figure out why I had so many people in my life that lied to me..men I had relationships mostly (most were also alcoholics). This disconcerted me tremendously since I believe we are often attracted to some reflection of ourselves. When I sobered up I finally realized I had been lying to myself in a myriad of ways for years...ah ..there was the commonality!
Drunks are drunks for reasons..usually only known to themselves. I truly believe the dishonesty started long before the booze ever hit the lips...it progresses ..just like alcoholism.
I couldn't figure out why I had so many people in my life that lied to me..men I had relationships mostly (most were also alcoholics). This disconcerted me tremendously since I believe we are often attracted to some reflection of ourselves. When I sobered up I finally realized I had been lying to myself in a myriad of ways for years...ah ..there was the commonality!
Drunks are drunks for reasons..usually only known to themselves. I truly believe the dishonesty started long before the booze ever hit the lips...it progresses ..just like alcoholism.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Why do alcoholics lie?
Great question! Being a recovering alcoholic, I
can only speak for myself, but I partly lied so that I
could continue to drink, I partly lied so as not to hurt
My S/O, (it didn't work though) I partly lied to avoid the
real problem, alcoholism.
I was a very honest person, except when it came to drinking,
thats not true with everyone, I know some people lie much
easier than others weather alcoholic or not..I only know for me
it was time to be honest with myself and face my alcoholism.
Then a funny thing happened, I didn't lie anymore. This has been quite a
relief for myself and in my relationship. I agree whole heartedly with
you when you said (quote alcohol sucks "The lies make no sense, the person makes no sense...none of it makes sense. Just move on. It is a process for those "left behind". Those of us that can remember the person that once was, and is no more." end quote)
And for you to say this, you hit the nail on the head, quote Alcohol sucks(Some day I will write a book. Until then, I will just try to stay sane, and away. Just GO AWAY!! end quote)
Best wishes, hope3
happy Easter
Great question! Being a recovering alcoholic, I
can only speak for myself, but I partly lied so that I
could continue to drink, I partly lied so as not to hurt
My S/O, (it didn't work though) I partly lied to avoid the
real problem, alcoholism.
I was a very honest person, except when it came to drinking,
thats not true with everyone, I know some people lie much
easier than others weather alcoholic or not..I only know for me
it was time to be honest with myself and face my alcoholism.
Then a funny thing happened, I didn't lie anymore. This has been quite a
relief for myself and in my relationship. I agree whole heartedly with
you when you said (quote alcohol sucks "The lies make no sense, the person makes no sense...none of it makes sense. Just move on. It is a process for those "left behind". Those of us that can remember the person that once was, and is no more." end quote)
And for you to say this, you hit the nail on the head, quote Alcohol sucks(Some day I will write a book. Until then, I will just try to stay sane, and away. Just GO AWAY!! end quote)
Best wishes, hope3
happy Easter
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Will...not to beat up on the alki/addict or anybody.
I can only share my ESH. And i just wanna get well.
I can replace words such as emotional attachment with
co-dependency or i was addicted to her, or addicted
to the chaos.
The only different between my GF and I at the piont
was just means of our chemicle dependency.
Her's were from outside sources at that time.
Mine was internal..my brain was producing endorphine.
This....I will not ly to myself.
it's unhealthy either way.
The codi is in much of a fog was the addict is spaced out.
This is stuff we all don't get educated on while attending school. It's school of hardknocks. We don't research
or study it until it hits home. I'm pretty good at mathematics...math won't help me in this case.
Yeah...I can count the times i was lied to.lol
It's not a moral issue
I'm not a good person trying to get good.
I'm a sick person trying to get well.
Recovery had tought me to look at semilarities.
Such as in music. The day I percieve music from a semilarity
piont of veiw so that day that everything made sense.
It was a profound change of growth for me muscially.
I can only share my ESH. And i just wanna get well.
I can replace words such as emotional attachment with
co-dependency or i was addicted to her, or addicted
to the chaos.
The only different between my GF and I at the piont
was just means of our chemicle dependency.
Her's were from outside sources at that time.
Mine was internal..my brain was producing endorphine.
This....I will not ly to myself.
it's unhealthy either way.
The codi is in much of a fog was the addict is spaced out.
This is stuff we all don't get educated on while attending school. It's school of hardknocks. We don't research
or study it until it hits home. I'm pretty good at mathematics...math won't help me in this case.
Yeah...I can count the times i was lied to.lol
It's not a moral issue
I'm not a good person trying to get good.
I'm a sick person trying to get well.
Recovery had tought me to look at semilarities.
Such as in music. The day I percieve music from a semilarity
piont of veiw so that day that everything made sense.
It was a profound change of growth for me muscially.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
My Afather, unfortunately, was a chronic liar his entire life... drinking or sober.
My Ahusband had never lied to me until he became an alcoholic ... and then he lied to hide what he was doing. He was able to get by with years of deceit because I trusted him as he had never lied to me before. When the truth came out he admitted that was the only thing he ever lied to me about. As more time passed... I noticed it became easier for him to lie about other things as well, because it became harder for him to distinguish right from wrong since he had been lying and deceiving for so long ... the drinking, lying, deception, manipulation were all wrapped up together and sadly became a part of who he was.
The lying is necessary to protect the addiction ... they lie to us so we will not confront or abandon them ... they also lie to convince themselves they really don't have an alcohol problem ... and this lying allows the alcoholic to rationalize what they are doing and in their minds it facilitates the ongoing addiction.
My Ahusband had never lied to me until he became an alcoholic ... and then he lied to hide what he was doing. He was able to get by with years of deceit because I trusted him as he had never lied to me before. When the truth came out he admitted that was the only thing he ever lied to me about. As more time passed... I noticed it became easier for him to lie about other things as well, because it became harder for him to distinguish right from wrong since he had been lying and deceiving for so long ... the drinking, lying, deception, manipulation were all wrapped up together and sadly became a part of who he was.
The lying is necessary to protect the addiction ... they lie to us so we will not confront or abandon them ... they also lie to convince themselves they really don't have an alcohol problem ... and this lying allows the alcoholic to rationalize what they are doing and in their minds it facilitates the ongoing addiction.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Originally Posted by alcohol_sucks 
Why do they continue to lie, even when the truth is in their best interests?
I have listened to things that are so downright nuts that I've had to rush into another room to crack up laughing!
I learned not to let the lies even bother me, much less try to figure out why. As I said, the "why" is simple: they're nuts.
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
I think that my EXAH actually believed his own lies; that is why he was so convincing. He got to the point that he lied about almost everything. I think he 'made up' a life because his own was so miserable. Lies about using were a given; it was the other stuff that was so insane.
He would tell people all kinds of stuff that he was doing-like working on the house or doing something at the business, or going to do-like build something or travel somewhere-and I would hear him do this knowing all the time that he had not and would not do any of it.
Figuring this out was an epiphany for me. Listening to the over-the-top lies he told other people helped me see it for what it was-sick. That was when I started realizing how sick I had become, because I played right into his hand for so many years. I listened to lies and got so used to them that I didn't even blink.
He would tell people all kinds of stuff that he was doing-like working on the house or doing something at the business, or going to do-like build something or travel somewhere-and I would hear him do this knowing all the time that he had not and would not do any of it.
Figuring this out was an epiphany for me. Listening to the over-the-top lies he told other people helped me see it for what it was-sick. That was when I started realizing how sick I had become, because I played right into his hand for so many years. I listened to lies and got so used to them that I didn't even blink.
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