its hurting me so bad
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: somewhere
Posts: 12
its hurting me so bad
ok this is a long story.
I have a best friend who i live with who is my best friend I have ever had. He and I both get along so well and I always have so much fun being around him. we used to mess around a lot and then it slowly fell for him hard. i told him how felt and I think it freaked him out and he backed away and told me that he didnt want to do that because i "needed more experiences" and he didnt want to lose our friendship" shortly after that he also tapered off the messing around as well and told me one day "man I get sick of people easily and I got sick of you" it killed me and i was sad and emotionally broken inside for months. Durng this time I also developed these issues where I had to know who he was talking to always, what he was saying, and would ask all kinds of questions. we got into an issue where we almost werent friends anymore because he started lying about hooking up when I would ask and then I would find out and confront him and feel hurt and lied to. those feelings also go back to me growing up with an alcoholic parent who lied. Basically he would start talking to someone and I would physically get sick over it, I would have to know everything, I would want the other person gone, and try to get them to leave. these people never were good people anyway. He has low self esteem and just likes to feel that younger guys look up to him and think he is cool as well. and it hurts me bacause I dont see what they have that I dont have. recently the problem was that I found out that I had been away and came back (we tell each other everything like brothers) and I had asked if he hooked up and he said no, said it so sincerely, and I later find out that he had, 4 times. So one of the guys he is going out with that night, I say "man please dont bring him back here after the game" he says ok, BOOM , he comes back with him and not only comes back but sneaks him in and closes the door. i went in and said hey and i took him aside and asked if he was gonna hook up, he promised no, but then he did. I had to sit a room away and listen, and st there for 2.5 hrs while he was there but I cant leave the house. when they are laying talking I am feeling so desperate and alone and just empty and excluded that i open the door and ask if i could come watch tv with them. I dont know why I did this, it was just desperation. we used to hook up together with other people a lot and thats why I felt so left out. and it also hurt so bad because he was snuggling and cuddling with the kid and doing all the things he did with me when we first met and made me feel special and it hurt because I missed that
so he leaves and I go off sorta, mad that he lied and brought him back here and I ddnt want him around anymore.he gets mad at me and im crying and he doesnt care at all and yells at me calling me psycho. all I wanted to do was hug him there and just get held. and he kicks me away from him and I sleep alone.
now I have to deal with this stuff. the kid has been calling and wants to hang out again and it makes me almost sick when i think of having to go through that again. i cant. and I know what you will all say, I cant move out. i cant financially nor could i bring myself to emotionally. it would rip me apart inside.
recently after this however he listened to me for a second when i just asked that he be honest and he told me he would, but I have heard that before so thats all i can hope for i guess. Its just that the weekends are coming up and im dreading it. im trying to fill all the time slots so the kid has no time frame to come over. I have no clue what to do but im hurting so bad inside that I cant take it yet the talk seemed to help in a way as well as he started showing me all his texts and what he said back and forth and has treated me more like a friend this past day
I have a best friend who i live with who is my best friend I have ever had. He and I both get along so well and I always have so much fun being around him. we used to mess around a lot and then it slowly fell for him hard. i told him how felt and I think it freaked him out and he backed away and told me that he didnt want to do that because i "needed more experiences" and he didnt want to lose our friendship" shortly after that he also tapered off the messing around as well and told me one day "man I get sick of people easily and I got sick of you" it killed me and i was sad and emotionally broken inside for months. Durng this time I also developed these issues where I had to know who he was talking to always, what he was saying, and would ask all kinds of questions. we got into an issue where we almost werent friends anymore because he started lying about hooking up when I would ask and then I would find out and confront him and feel hurt and lied to. those feelings also go back to me growing up with an alcoholic parent who lied. Basically he would start talking to someone and I would physically get sick over it, I would have to know everything, I would want the other person gone, and try to get them to leave. these people never were good people anyway. He has low self esteem and just likes to feel that younger guys look up to him and think he is cool as well. and it hurts me bacause I dont see what they have that I dont have. recently the problem was that I found out that I had been away and came back (we tell each other everything like brothers) and I had asked if he hooked up and he said no, said it so sincerely, and I later find out that he had, 4 times. So one of the guys he is going out with that night, I say "man please dont bring him back here after the game" he says ok, BOOM , he comes back with him and not only comes back but sneaks him in and closes the door. i went in and said hey and i took him aside and asked if he was gonna hook up, he promised no, but then he did. I had to sit a room away and listen, and st there for 2.5 hrs while he was there but I cant leave the house. when they are laying talking I am feeling so desperate and alone and just empty and excluded that i open the door and ask if i could come watch tv with them. I dont know why I did this, it was just desperation. we used to hook up together with other people a lot and thats why I felt so left out. and it also hurt so bad because he was snuggling and cuddling with the kid and doing all the things he did with me when we first met and made me feel special and it hurt because I missed that
so he leaves and I go off sorta, mad that he lied and brought him back here and I ddnt want him around anymore.he gets mad at me and im crying and he doesnt care at all and yells at me calling me psycho. all I wanted to do was hug him there and just get held. and he kicks me away from him and I sleep alone.
now I have to deal with this stuff. the kid has been calling and wants to hang out again and it makes me almost sick when i think of having to go through that again. i cant. and I know what you will all say, I cant move out. i cant financially nor could i bring myself to emotionally. it would rip me apart inside.
recently after this however he listened to me for a second when i just asked that he be honest and he told me he would, but I have heard that before so thats all i can hope for i guess. Its just that the weekends are coming up and im dreading it. im trying to fill all the time slots so the kid has no time frame to come over. I have no clue what to do but im hurting so bad inside that I cant take it yet the talk seemed to help in a way as well as he started showing me all his texts and what he said back and forth and has treated me more like a friend this past day
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
I know how it feels to be obsessed with another person, especially one who no longer cares for me. I die a thousand times.
As much as we may want to try there is very little we can do to control who he/she allows into their lives.
You may have to consider moving away from your friend for a while.
As much as we may want to try there is very little we can do to control who he/she allows into their lives.
You may have to consider moving away from your friend for a while.
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