Question for the group
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lighthouse State
Posts: 7
Question for the group
If I am the breadwinner in my family, and I had a joint account for a long time with my AH and decided to start putting my paycheck into my own account due to his using, and because he has not held a job for over a year, is that me trying to control him or me trying to protect myself and my 3 childrens future?
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello cheesecake,
when my daughter was using, she started to steal. we bought a safe and put all our money, credit cards, acct info, valuables, etc in it and kept it locked. we did it to protect ourselves, not her. you can absolutely feel good about securing a future for yourself and your children. blessings, k
when my daughter was using, she started to steal. we bought a safe and put all our money, credit cards, acct info, valuables, etc in it and kept it locked. we did it to protect ourselves, not her. you can absolutely feel good about securing a future for yourself and your children. blessings, k
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Protection.... how is it "control"? for heaven's sake? You don't want to pay for his drugs?
Sorry... that makes me smile.
Pretty typical "unlogical" thinking on the part of the addict. Sometimes, the more outrageous the accusation, the more I start to fall for it.
Don't be fooled, the only one trying to control/manipulate anyone... is the addict.
((hugs))
Sorry... that makes me smile.
Pretty typical "unlogical" thinking on the part of the addict. Sometimes, the more outrageous the accusation, the more I start to fall for it.
Don't be fooled, the only one trying to control/manipulate anyone... is the addict.
((hugs))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Lighthouse State
Posts: 7
I feel so guilty and afraid. It was so hard for me to decide to do this. I basically put more work on myself as well..but I felt like keeping it the way it was was like enablling him. He is really angry about it. Its llike he doesnt get it. I mean...I think If the tables were turned I would feel like maybe I need to look at myself but for him its just me trying to control everything. Thank you all so much...I know many of you know what its like to live with an active addict. He isnt at peak but Ive seen progression. I do believe a person can look up even half way down into the pit ..not always have to go to the bottom. Thanks for letting me vent..
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hey cheesecake, i am not surprised to hear that he is unhappy about it - addicts hate to hear no. when he finds recovery, he'll understand and thank you. until then, you're making a wise decision. blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
honey, that is you trying to protect you.that is what you should do. you hide, safe deposit anything of value that you can or you may come home from work & it will be gone. you never know what an addict is going to do.sad but true !!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
For real, I agree with the rest. Get a separate account, for sure. Just pay the bills that you incur together out of the joint account. Get him to chip in his half every week. If you write the cheques, give him an itemized list including groceries and misc. expenses that aren't regular paper bills.
Uuuhhhhh, like, if he hasn't worked in over a year.....and he's not getting unemployment or disability....... well, he shouldn't be on any account, period.
Uuuhhhhh, like, if he hasn't worked in over a year.....and he's not getting unemployment or disability....... well, he shouldn't be on any account, period.
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