Jewel

Hi everyone,

I need to unload today. My partner is addicted to morphine and has been for 7 years, my son is dual addicted to alcohol and drugs, and my daughter is a recovering A, and attends AA meetings, Thankyou God.

My partner has led in bed for the best part of the 7 years, this is in no way an exageration, to say we've been through hell as a family would be putting it mildly. While led in his bed he came up with a new business venture, to design a machine that recycles car batteries, he spent all his time in his bed on his computer designing this machine. Please let me say he is the father of both my children, we lived together for 18 years, and we split up 8 years ago, and I started seeing someone else. That was when his illness began and he started on the morphine. I took him back a year ago because I couldn't bear to see what was happening to my son who lived with his dad.

My partner who was my ex then kept telling us he was really ill and the doctors couldn't find out what was wrong with him, and that he couldn't get out of bed, I feel awful saying this but looking back I can't help feeling it was emotional blackmail.

My son's drug using took me round to where they lived and how they lived was disgusting, the house was absolutely filthy, the curtains would be closed all day and my son was using downstairs while my partner (ex) was in bed upstairs.

As I say I took my partner back to put an end to it all, and thought I would be able to help him get back on his feet and hoped that my son would sort himself out if his dad wasn't living with him.

A year later none of this has happened, my partner doen't stay in bed all day, but lies on the settee. What has happened is he has managed to raise £28.000 for his business idea and is getting it off the ground. My son has been working with him and he has been paying him wages out of the investors money. He turns up for work when he pleases and this has caused a few problems with my partners business partner.

Anyway the money has run out and he needs more investment to finish the recycling centre, and my son turned up this morning at 8 am and started a huge row because there is no money left and of course means he has no drug money.

I would hate to see all these investors that have invested all this money lose it because of drugs. I am powerless over what happens, I just don't know anymore. During all this my partner still takes the morphine and I wonder if he knows what's really going on. God bless you all for listening to my story.

Love you all
Hugs Jewel.

Daffodil

I am so glad you found this site Jewel, and I would like to give
you a huge HUG. Sounds like you could use one.

I don't have an answer to your question Jewel....but do come to these threads as often as you can. These people are the best....What we have in common is the pain of watching the people we love fight with a disease that we
Didn't cause
Can't control
Can't cure.
...On these threads you will find a ton of wisdom
from people who've been there...
Consider yourself hugged. Jewel,
Love and prayers from someone who cares...~A~

JT

Your original question "when will it all end" had me intrigued. It will end when something or someone changes. What is going on is the status quo in your family and through the years everyone has assumed a role. Anyone of you can upset the applecart by changing. Your son could get sober, your husband could get sober, you could change what you have done up to now in dealing with them.

Unless something or someone changes nothing will change. My money would be on you making the first move...

Hugs,
JT

margo

(((((Jewel))))) My goodness - you have your plate full, and then some. I believe your hunch is probably right and that your partner could very well be a master manipulator and used emotional blackmail to get you back home. I know there are chronic pain syndromes that occur for no good physical reason - sometimes mental/emotional issues can manifest physically, but "pain" can also be faked and it becomes the patient's word against the doctor's. I'm sure there are many people who would love to lay in bed high on morphine for 7 years and control the lives of those around them, but it doesn't sound like much of a life to me.

Jewel, one suggestion that I've seen many times here, and it's an excellent one, is to start making a plan for the future - i.e., start thinking about how you would manage if you did decide to leave. If you are working, are you able to start setting a bit of money aside? Do you keep a separate bank account? If you did leave, where would you go? Lots of questions you need to ask yourself.

You don't mention how old your son is, but if he is a minor you may still be able to influence whether he goes to rehab or not. I'm not sure about this suggestion, though, and I hope someone else will be able to respond to this issue.

Personally speaking, Jewel, I would find your situation unbearable and I really sympathize with you. JT can say so much with so few words! And she is right, of course - my money is on you, too!

Love and hugs.

PS: Paris must be looking better and better by the day - maybe you could just stay there permanently!

Hangin' In

Jewel,

I wish I had a magic answer or potion to help with your situation and I'm sure you wish that, also. But, believe it or not, your post made me think. And JT said it, just like I've read here A MILLION times before....."Nothing changes if nothing changes."

Good glory, I've read that a gazillion times here but it hit me between the eyes this a.m. and how I need to apply that little tidbit to my life. I look at my situation with my life and my daughter and see that something needs to change.

Now, back to you. Jewel, it's not your job to protect the investors. And I say that with love because, honey, I know how you are feeling. I know that I do because that is US! We want everyone happy and heaven forbid, let's not let anything upset the apple cart. It's not your job to foot the bill for this adventure nor foot the bills for drugs.

You said it. You are powerless. (How many times have I repeated that in the last week???? ) You can TRY to protect the investors, your partner, and your son. But know what? You can't do it. You'll just wear yourself out trying. But you can protect you and take care of you, Jewel. I'd said that's the better plan because, afterall, that is all you have control over.

So please take care of you, today....and everyday.

We love ya,

Hangin' In
(Now I have to listen to my own advice. Geeze, me and my big mouth! )

Jewel

To all of you lovely people, Thankyou for your much needed and valued support, I feel as if I know you all and love you all with all my heart.

Thanks Daffodill for the hug, I needed that, Just Tired thanks for letting me have it straight that I need to let it begin with me. Margo I cried when I read your message, but felt relieved afterwards, it feels so good to have someone understand the pain I've been going through all these years and to be reassured that my instincts could be right and that I havn't been going mad. Thankyou again Margo you have helped me so much.

Hangin-in thanks for what you said you made me feel so much better and smiled with what you said at the end.

God love and bless you all.
Jewel.