not sure I am in the right place?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Scottsburg,In
Posts: 5
not sure I am in the right place?
my husband says he is NOT an alcoholic,he may be right but from what I can see he is, he will drink a gallon and a half of Vodka a week,when I tell him he is drinking too much he tells me he can stop anytime, and he doesn't drink in front of me,but he hides it in different places all over the house and even out side.
I would also like to know if he did quit would he have withdrawl? if he did what would I look for? I really don't know how to handle this
if anyone can be of help to me I would be very grateful
I would also like to know if he did quit would he have withdrawl? if he did what would I look for? I really don't know how to handle this
if anyone can be of help to me I would be very grateful
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome Regal,
I also copied your post and moved it to the alanon board. Please check there for replies too. There is a lot of support here for you. There are sticky posts at the top of the alanon and naranon forums called power posts. Feel free to read the information there.
Hugs,
MG
I also copied your post and moved it to the alanon board. Please check there for replies too. There is a lot of support here for you. There are sticky posts at the top of the alanon and naranon forums called power posts. Feel free to read the information there.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Welcome Regal...
If a loved one's drinking habits are causing turmoil in your life, you are in the right place, whether they identify themselves as alcoholic or not. There is a lot of great reading here (see "power posts" at the top of this and the naranon forum) and a lot of people who identify with what you're going through.
Withdrawal symptoms depend on how much and how regularly a person drinks, and can vary even among addicted people with similar habits. Headaches, nausea, crabbiness. Heavy drinkers are usually advised to get medical advice about quitting. Going cold turkey for some is dangerous and requires medical supervision.
But alanon is really about YOU, not the alcoholic in your life. Until they're ready to quit, there's just not much you can do to make them see the light. But you can learn to stop participating in the madness.
Always feel free to vent, ask questions and tell us about you and how you're coping. We've all been there and we DO want to hear it.
Hugs,
Smoke
If a loved one's drinking habits are causing turmoil in your life, you are in the right place, whether they identify themselves as alcoholic or not. There is a lot of great reading here (see "power posts" at the top of this and the naranon forum) and a lot of people who identify with what you're going through.
Withdrawal symptoms depend on how much and how regularly a person drinks, and can vary even among addicted people with similar habits. Headaches, nausea, crabbiness. Heavy drinkers are usually advised to get medical advice about quitting. Going cold turkey for some is dangerous and requires medical supervision.
But alanon is really about YOU, not the alcoholic in your life. Until they're ready to quit, there's just not much you can do to make them see the light. But you can learn to stop participating in the madness.
Always feel free to vent, ask questions and tell us about you and how you're coping. We've all been there and we DO want to hear it.
Hugs,
Smoke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Scottsburg,In
Posts: 5
I have been reading some of the posts here,I am soooooooo amazed at this place! the posts that I have read it is like what they are saying is how I feel.it is me with a different name,
on Sunday my husband and I had a heart to heart I told him I have been very close to leaving,he said he knew that and he cryed so hard he couldn't talk to me, that is when he said he was going to stop drinking,I am pleased that he is going to try but he has said that many times before, he has never been able to do it.
what I am so worried about is with him drinking so much for the last 5 years how he can just stop, won't he have a problem by doing that? tonight he took a sleeping pill he has never done that before, is that something to do with him not drinking now? will I need to look for other things?what do I do if he gets in real trouble?or will he just hide the drinking from me again like he has done many times before?
it is good to be able to ask questions and get answers from people that know just how I feel,I can't talk to my children about it,this is their father you never want to see the bad side of your dad,so for the last 5 years I have just blocked it out.I can't do that any more!
on Sunday my husband and I had a heart to heart I told him I have been very close to leaving,he said he knew that and he cryed so hard he couldn't talk to me, that is when he said he was going to stop drinking,I am pleased that he is going to try but he has said that many times before, he has never been able to do it.
what I am so worried about is with him drinking so much for the last 5 years how he can just stop, won't he have a problem by doing that? tonight he took a sleeping pill he has never done that before, is that something to do with him not drinking now? will I need to look for other things?what do I do if he gets in real trouble?or will he just hide the drinking from me again like he has done many times before?
it is good to be able to ask questions and get answers from people that know just how I feel,I can't talk to my children about it,this is their father you never want to see the bad side of your dad,so for the last 5 years I have just blocked it out.I can't do that any more!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Regal, So glad that you found us here. There are many of us here that have similar experiences to yours and have felt what you are feeling.
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"what I am so worried about is with him drinking so much for the last 5 years how he can just stop, won't he have a problem by doing that? tonight he took a sleeping pill he has never done that before, is that something to do with him not drinking now? will I need to look for other things?what do I do if he gets in real trouble?or will he just hide the drinking from me again like he has done many times before?"
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Slow down that worry train, take a deep breath and focus on YOU! This is a great place to get support and ideas how to take care of yourself. Look for a local al-anon group. Worrying how to "solve" his problem or help him with his next move is not going to change him, but focusing on you will help you to find peace for yourself!
Keep coming back!
Constant
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"what I am so worried about is with him drinking so much for the last 5 years how he can just stop, won't he have a problem by doing that? tonight he took a sleeping pill he has never done that before, is that something to do with him not drinking now? will I need to look for other things?what do I do if he gets in real trouble?or will he just hide the drinking from me again like he has done many times before?"
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Slow down that worry train, take a deep breath and focus on YOU! This is a great place to get support and ideas how to take care of yourself. Look for a local al-anon group. Worrying how to "solve" his problem or help him with his next move is not going to change him, but focusing on you will help you to find peace for yourself!
Keep coming back!
Constant
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
Welcome!
Regal:
You definitely are in the right place! So much wisdom, so much caring, and many laughs! It always helps to have good friends, and here they are! Glad you found us.
Take care of you.
Hugs,
Lyn
You definitely are in the right place! So much wisdom, so much caring, and many laughs! It always helps to have good friends, and here they are! Glad you found us.
Take care of you.
Hugs,
Lyn
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi again Regal,
You cannot work on your husbands recovery for him. He is the one who will need to start asking all of these questions. If he really wants outside help there is a lot available. There are AA meetings, outpatient treatment programs, inpatient treatment programs etc...All he has to do is look in the phone book to find the help he wants.
On the other hand there is your life that concerns you. How can you make your life better. How can you recover from your need to fix your husband. How can you separate yourself from your husbands alcoholism. Please look at the top of the naranon board in the power posts and start by reading the post titled Addictive Personality by Pernell. It really helps identify the problem.
We're not going anywhere so keep posting. There is a lot of information for YOU here.
Hugs,
MG
You cannot work on your husbands recovery for him. He is the one who will need to start asking all of these questions. If he really wants outside help there is a lot available. There are AA meetings, outpatient treatment programs, inpatient treatment programs etc...All he has to do is look in the phone book to find the help he wants.
On the other hand there is your life that concerns you. How can you make your life better. How can you recover from your need to fix your husband. How can you separate yourself from your husbands alcoholism. Please look at the top of the naranon board in the power posts and start by reading the post titled Addictive Personality by Pernell. It really helps identify the problem.
We're not going anywhere so keep posting. There is a lot of information for YOU here.
Hugs,
MG
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
I agree with what has been said WHOLEHEARTEDLY. There is a reason you are questioning his behavior where the drinking is involved... Whether he is an alcoholic or not is irrelevent in a sense. YOU are having issues with his drinking; that makes it a problem.
I have also found that USUALLY if ones' drinking behavior is in question, or is causing emotional turmoil... chances are there IS a problem; chances are better that he / she is an alcoholic. People don't hide thjeir behaviors (or their booze for that matter) unless they have something to feel ashamed of. I went an open AA meeting a couple of weeks ago and was blown away by something one of the members had said; when someone brought up how we determine when someone is alcoholic or not, he said: "Think about this... A "normal" person (a non-alcoholic) NEVER says to themselves 'maybe I could just drink SOCIALLY'". I thought long and hard about that one
take care
Meg
I have also found that USUALLY if ones' drinking behavior is in question, or is causing emotional turmoil... chances are there IS a problem; chances are better that he / she is an alcoholic. People don't hide thjeir behaviors (or their booze for that matter) unless they have something to feel ashamed of. I went an open AA meeting a couple of weeks ago and was blown away by something one of the members had said; when someone brought up how we determine when someone is alcoholic or not, he said: "Think about this... A "normal" person (a non-alcoholic) NEVER says to themselves 'maybe I could just drink SOCIALLY'". I thought long and hard about that one
take care
Meg
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Hi Regal
Wanted to add my welcome to you. You are in the right place. You will find a lot of strength and support on these boards. The people are so friendly and just the best.
Take care.
Hugs,
Debbie
Wanted to add my welcome to you. You are in the right place. You will find a lot of strength and support on these boards. The people are so friendly and just the best.
Take care.
Hugs,
Debbie
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Welsome Regal
Just wanted to welcome you to this site...
Please consider yourself hugged...Keep coming back and you'll find the most kind loving people in the world right here.
I would suggest that you go to Al-Anon meetings...they have a very good source of information for that you can use....
Love and prayers from one who cares.~~A~~
Please consider yourself hugged...Keep coming back and you'll find the most kind loving people in the world right here.
I would suggest that you go to Al-Anon meetings...they have a very good source of information for that you can use....
Love and prayers from one who cares.~~A~~
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Welcome Regal. Everyone is right...you've come to the right place. (Aren't we always right?....lol. Oops! That's another subject in itself!...
)
I'm with Daffodil. Look for an Al Anon meeting and try it out. Don't be afraid to go. (I was scared to death to go, but now I look back on that and realize there was NOTHING to be scared of. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?...smiles.) The Al Anon meeting is full of people just like the ones you've found here. We are all in the same boat and are happy to have newcomers at Al Anon meetings. I've learned SO MUCH through Al Anon that has helped me live a happier and less stressful life. And trust me, I can be the QUEEN of worry. But I don't carry that title anymore.....THANK YOU LORD and AL ANON!
Hang in there, hon. Keep reading and posting. We are glad you are here.
Love,
Hangin' In
)I'm with Daffodil. Look for an Al Anon meeting and try it out. Don't be afraid to go. (I was scared to death to go, but now I look back on that and realize there was NOTHING to be scared of. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?...smiles.) The Al Anon meeting is full of people just like the ones you've found here. We are all in the same boat and are happy to have newcomers at Al Anon meetings. I've learned SO MUCH through Al Anon that has helped me live a happier and less stressful life. And trust me, I can be the QUEEN of worry. But I don't carry that title anymore.....THANK YOU LORD and AL ANON!
Hang in there, hon. Keep reading and posting. We are glad you are here.
Love,
Hangin' In
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