Notices

Back Again...need support!

Old 04-01-2007, 01:34 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
KC1
Member
Thread Starter
 
KC1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
Back Again...need support!

It's been awhile since I was on the site.....almost 4 months. I kept thinking I had this drinking thing under control. Well, last night I got so drunk at a charity fundraiser that my company sponsored that I was grabbing the CEO and EVP's a$$. (One male and one female). I have NO recollection of the entire night. None. And I didn't even have a hangover. I just woke up with no memory of what happened after 6:00pm last night. Yep. I wonder if I will have a job come tomorrow. If I am lucky to still have a job, I am sure it will come with a stiff warning and I deserve it. I am sure I have lost the respect of not only my bosses and co-workers, but the other attendees of the gala. I made a total fool of myself and I am so embarassed I don't know how I will show up at work tomorrow. I feel like such a loser. What do I mean FEEL like, I AM a loser.

KC
KC1 is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 02:04 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
you are not a loser, you have a serious problem with alcohol......which many people suffer from.......you are certainly not the first person to embarrass themselves at a company party.........or any party for that matter.........so many of the people here blackout and wait anxiously for the phone calls the next morning, worrying about what they did and who they called and what they said......

has this made a difference for you in your thinking about your alcohol problem? do you believe you are an alcoholic? if so, now is as good a time as any to seek help......many companies have programs to help employees with substance abuse issues.....and many insurance companies cover treatment.......it would be a good thing to look into......

maybe you should go to work and schedual an appointment with the two people you may have offended, and apologise, admit you have a problem with drinking and need help.........that is what i would do......the worst that could happen is you lose your job.......but the best that could happen is your bosses will be more understanding and help you......either way, apologising is the right thing to do, in my opinion............before they force a meeting with you to reprimand you, you could initiate the conversation........

these are only my opinions........if i have said anything that you don't like, well, take what you do agree with and leave the rest.............i only wish to help.........
ayla zaire is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 02:16 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
NYCGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Hi KC I am really glad you decided to return when thing didn't workout.. Maybe last night was the wake up call you needed, other than my promises not to drink that lasted a few days when I quit for the first time I too went back and for a while thought i had it under control.... till the blackouts.

Sometime we can be so stubborn that we have to prove to ourselves that no matter how under control we think we have our drinking in the end it the alcohol that take control. I just read some where that relapse is actually a part of recover....

As far as work goes often those who witness are antics are somewhat inebriated themselves and think it was "all that bad" or they are embarrassed to bring it up. I would just show up for work and unless you are addressed about the evening carry on.... I do agree wiht ayla an apoligy is in order, keep it breif and do not try to justify your actions.

A simple "I am sorry for my inaproriate behavior the other evening and I am seeing to it that it will never happen again should sufice."

Last edited by NYCGirl; 04-01-2007 at 02:21 PM. Reason: forgot...
NYCGirl is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 02:23 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
KC1
Member
Thread Starter
 
KC1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
Thank you both. I will apologize first thing in the morning. I am so embarrassed, but it needs to be done. I am already seeing a Psychologist and she is aware of my drinking but we have not really addressed it, I am seeing her more for a relationship issue, but now we have something that has to take first priority. I hope I can stop for good this time.

KC
KC1 is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 02:25 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
NYCGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
Hope we can help... stay around
NYCGirl is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 02:29 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Golfman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Wink

Originally Posted by KC1 View Post
It's been awhile since I was on the site.....almost 4 months. I kept thinking I had this drinking thing under control. Well, last night I got so drunk at a charity fundraiser that my company sponsored that I was grabbing the CEO and EVP's a$$. (One male and one female). I have NO recollection of the entire night. None. And I didn't even have a hangover. I just woke up with no memory of what happened after 6:00pm last night. Yep. I wonder if I will have a job come tomorrow. If I am lucky to still have a job, I am sure it will come with a stiff warning and I deserve it. I am sure I have lost the respect of not only my bosses and co-workers, but the other attendees of the gala. I made a total fool of myself and I am so embarassed I don't know how I will show up at work tomorrow. I feel like such a loser. What do I mean FEEL like, I AM a loser.

KC
Ah, Ah, Ah...kc you made a mistake, you aren't a mistake. you are not defective. keep in mind that God doesn't make junk. sometimes a bolt comes loose or a part falls off, but the basic framework is still there. I'm glad of one thing however. Hopefully you may have become convinced that alcohol is your enemy. doing stupid, embarassing things come naturally to us. it's one of our trademarks. But you know there's a way to stop. if you've been here before then you've read about people overcoming their alcoholism.

if you are truly ready to begin this journey, if you are ready to be honest, openminded, and willing, you have all you need to begin. if you don't know where to start, just ask. but you'll have to reach out and ask for help. once you do that, it will come.

Thanks for coming back to SR. We need to hear your story, it reminds some of us of what we have to look forward to if we every go back out. it just doesn't get any better does it?

Your friend in sobriety,
steady eddie
Golfman is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 03:30 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi KC1,

Your post bought back vivid memories for this alcoholic. I was one of the honorees several years ago for an annual civilian awards ceremony. Wine and cheese, along with a light brunch, were served. All I was interested in was the wine that afternoon. I have vague memories of lurching after the Deputy Chief of Police, understandably upset that he wasn't responding to my advances. I then went after the Regional Chair for the Police Services Board, and again was frustrated when he rejected my advances. The rest .. is a blur .. but the afternoon merged into evening and .. I truthfully don't remember where I woke up the next day. I was completely mortified and convinced that I would lose my job and/or credibility.
I didn't get sober right away. It took a few more 'experiments' for me to realize that I had a serious problem.
I used to cringe when I recalled such instances, but I don't today. I've been sober for a while, and I don't humiliate myself anymore (at least not with the help of alcohol ha ha).
You seem to know what to do. Sometimes, as alcoholics, it seems like we have to experience these things in order to truly want and be willing to change.
I'm glad you're here, and that you're getting help. Hope you hang around the boards - the people here have helped me so much on my journey.

Rowan

Last edited by Rowan; 02-05-2008 at 08:05 AM.
Rowan is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 04:26 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
KC1
Member
Thread Starter
 
KC1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
I am hanging around the boards and know I will keep doing so. I know that today is easy - going one day without the drink. Two days will probably still be easy. But after that - that's when it will start to get harder and harder each day. I hope to heck I can do it.
KC1 is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 04:33 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Have you seen this?
Blackouts are discussed on #35 I think.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

You too can find recovery...Hugs
CarolD is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 04:51 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
KC1
Member
Thread Starter
 
KC1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
Carol,

Thanks for sending the link. Sadly, I laughed out loud when I saw what it was. Yes, I have seen it before because I went out and bought the book "Under The Influence" 4 months ago when I was last on these boards. You would have thought that I would have stopped after reading that. I have been having blackouts for about a year now, just not as frequent and certainly not with just two or three drinks. Somehow I have to make myself understand that this is NOT something I can control.
KC1 is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 05:04 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well...read the darn book again!

Have you been using AA for support?
Or SMART or ????

Yes... I know you are seeing a Psychologist
but perhaps you need more

You are so lucky you did not have an accidnet
in that blackout.
Better to face your boss than a jailer.

Blessings
CarolD is offline  
Old 04-01-2007, 06:29 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
everything is already ok
 
nogard's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,768
Welcome back, boy that remineded me of some of my behaviour. Golfman is right dont beat yourself up it was a mistake. Question is whats next?

Kevin
nogard is offline  
Old 04-02-2007, 04:34 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
KC1
Member
Thread Starter
 
KC1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Philadelphia, PA area
Posts: 335
OK. It's time to go to work. Wish me luck. Tonight will also be a challenge for me. I am the Chairperson of a local charity fundraiser and guess where it is being held? Yep, in a bar. I am in charge of collecting the door cover charges all of which are being donated to charity and then giving a short speech on what the contributions mean to our charity and community. I know I can do it. I have to do it. My life depends on it. I can do it, right???? I can do it without having a drink...........I know I can.
KC1 is offline  
Old 04-02-2007, 04:44 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Yes you can...but you don't have do it alone thou.
You're not a looser KC.

mmm... my friend told me some pretty crazy stuff
about what i did that i can't remember so whatever.
SaTiT is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:05 AM.