when things are going good......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: IL
Posts: 8
when things are going good......
When things are going good, no complaints right, but then you know what happens and now I am feeling really sad again. My husband was able to stay sober for 34 days and fell off the wagon yesterday and again today. When I learned that he had drank a fifth after work and before coming home, I fixed dinner and left to go workout. I felt much better afterwards. Exercising is a big stress reliever and distractor for me because I tend to stay really focused on his drinking and it makes me feel angry and bad all over. But with the drinking again today and the work day not even over yet, I feel totally drained emotionally. All I can think about is how I do not want to stay married to an active alcoholic, but I am torn because I have two young children ( 3 1/2 yr boy & 20 mos girl.) Both my husband and I came from broken homes and deep down I do not want that for my children, but I can't stand the idea of living the rest of my life like this. This is not what I had in mind for my life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hello Wallflower,
Believe me, none of us ever had this turn of events in mind for our lives! Focusing on yourself.... such as your workout is a super positive move. Doing things for ME helps so much. We can't control what our alcoholics choose to do, but we can control what we do! Does your husband attend AA? Do you attend Alanon? Coming here helps me alot. I love these boards!!
I know it is hard emotionally when he has stayed sober for that long. We wonder how they can go back to it after doing without it. You are not alone Wallflower. This week my husband has been sober for 5 days. One time awhile back he went for 9 and then started drinking again. He drinks when he is stressed out and that seems to be almost all the time. That is probabely his excuse to start again. He will drink when he is sad, mad, happy or whatever mood. Hang in there and keep coming back. I know it is hard when you have little ones. My three are 23, 19 and 14 now. I remember how much harder it was when they were smaller.
Sending prayers your way,
matters
Believe me, none of us ever had this turn of events in mind for our lives! Focusing on yourself.... such as your workout is a super positive move. Doing things for ME helps so much. We can't control what our alcoholics choose to do, but we can control what we do! Does your husband attend AA? Do you attend Alanon? Coming here helps me alot. I love these boards!!
I know it is hard emotionally when he has stayed sober for that long. We wonder how they can go back to it after doing without it. You are not alone Wallflower. This week my husband has been sober for 5 days. One time awhile back he went for 9 and then started drinking again. He drinks when he is stressed out and that seems to be almost all the time. That is probabely his excuse to start again. He will drink when he is sad, mad, happy or whatever mood. Hang in there and keep coming back. I know it is hard when you have little ones. My three are 23, 19 and 14 now. I remember how much harder it was when they were smaller.
Sending prayers your way,
matters
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Wallflower,
I just wanted to say hello and let you know you have alot of company. My first husband was a horrible alcoholic and I left when my son was about 3. When I did remarry a few years later I took me with me and married another drinker. We have been married 21 years and it is not the same. He is a hardworking honest man who drinks too much. He is hurting his health and is slowing down alot as he gets older. But he is an alcoholic.
My point is that you need to work on you. Like me if you do leave, you don't leave yourself and your choices behind. They follow you. My son is also an alcoholic so that damn case of beer has followed me wherever I went.
Today my son is in jail and my husband still drinks but I am peaceful and living a good life. You have alot of options. But looking at you should be where you start. Alanon is where I went and it served me well. There is a reading list of books we love in one of the stickies at the top of the anon forums. Welcome!
Hugs,
JT
I just wanted to say hello and let you know you have alot of company. My first husband was a horrible alcoholic and I left when my son was about 3. When I did remarry a few years later I took me with me and married another drinker. We have been married 21 years and it is not the same. He is a hardworking honest man who drinks too much. He is hurting his health and is slowing down alot as he gets older. But he is an alcoholic.
My point is that you need to work on you. Like me if you do leave, you don't leave yourself and your choices behind. They follow you. My son is also an alcoholic so that damn case of beer has followed me wherever I went.
Today my son is in jail and my husband still drinks but I am peaceful and living a good life. You have alot of options. But looking at you should be where you start. Alanon is where I went and it served me well. There is a reading list of books we love in one of the stickies at the top of the anon forums. Welcome!
Hugs,
JT
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: ohio
Posts: 322
Hi wallflower
sorry things arent going to good right now for you.
Many months of this past year I felt like a rubber ball,
I'm up ,I'm down, and most of it depended on if my daughter
was drunk or sober, if my son was in his bi polar mania and
now his depression. So many times i just wanted to run away
from my life and those I love. It hurt so much.
If i take my day or divide it in to moments I can have serenity
and peace no matter what another is doing.
I dont think any of us would say this is the life we planned for
ourselves but I am saying we can find happiness in spite of
what goes on around us. Your exercising is a good example of
doing something good for yourself !
and might i add your husband may feel very guilty for drinking
he has now tasted sobriety and i have been told that one does
not drink again with the pleasure it once brought.
hugs
liddy
sorry things arent going to good right now for you.
Many months of this past year I felt like a rubber ball,
I'm up ,I'm down, and most of it depended on if my daughter
was drunk or sober, if my son was in his bi polar mania and
now his depression. So many times i just wanted to run away
from my life and those I love. It hurt so much.
If i take my day or divide it in to moments I can have serenity
and peace no matter what another is doing.
I dont think any of us would say this is the life we planned for
ourselves but I am saying we can find happiness in spite of
what goes on around us. Your exercising is a good example of
doing something good for yourself !
and might i add your husband may feel very guilty for drinking
he has now tasted sobriety and i have been told that one does
not drink again with the pleasure it once brought.
hugs
liddy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Wallflower,
Sorry that you are feeling down, sometimes even when we try hard to focus on ourselves the hurt of seeing someone that we care about make mistakes brings us down. Keep working out it is a great thing to relieve stress and keep you healthy!
You're in my prayers and so is he. I hope that this is just a set back in his recovery. After all we have set backs too
Constant
Sorry that you are feeling down, sometimes even when we try hard to focus on ourselves the hurt of seeing someone that we care about make mistakes brings us down. Keep working out it is a great thing to relieve stress and keep you healthy!
You're in my prayers and so is he. I hope that this is just a set back in his recovery. After all we have set backs too
Constant
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Wallflower 
I recently went to a bookstore and treated myself to a couple of books by Melody Beattie. I am reading "Codependant No More" right now and WOW... it is such an eye-opener.
I just finished the chapter on Detachment and it is so relevent to where you are at right now! I only wish I could relay all that she said, in just a few short sentances for you...
Along with working out to ease the stress, why not treat yourself to a couple of new books?
If anyone does, YOU deserve it!
Take care
Meg
I recently went to a bookstore and treated myself to a couple of books by Melody Beattie. I am reading "Codependant No More" right now and WOW... it is such an eye-opener.
I just finished the chapter on Detachment and it is so relevent to where you are at right now! I only wish I could relay all that she said, in just a few short sentances for you...
Along with working out to ease the stress, why not treat yourself to a couple of new books?
If anyone does, YOU deserve it!Take care
Meg
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: IL
Posts: 8
Thanks for the support
Thanks to all for all of your comments and advice. Today is a new day and I am feeling pretty good. Just like the alcoholics, I will have to learn to take one day at a time or maybe a moment at a time. Thank you so much for your support!
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