robran

Goodmorning, I need help with a question I have had for the last 9 years. That is when I met my husband, he has been sober (no slips), 15 years. My story is very boring compared to most. I joined AA and made the decision to quit completely 5 weeks ago. This is what I need help with, after my first meeting I felt like a traitor and that I was abusing a program that i highly respect. I do not know if I am an alcoholic! I had very little difficulty giving it up. I would have 5-6 drinks once a week, sometimes once every two weeks and then nothing for the time in beetween. The problem that I see is that if I stop at one, I don't want any more but if I have two, I binge. that would be the 5-6 drinks. My husband travels a lot and we have no children so I spend a lot of time on my own which I do not necessairly dislike. My binging was done while he was away. I hate having him see me drink. The guilt is un-believeble. I have a deep faith in God already so adopting the principles of AA was not a problem. Is this a question of self control on my part or do I really have a problem with alcohol? Thank you in advance for any help.

Talluleh

good morning robran. Only you can say if you are an alcoholic but it sounds like it is causing you a bit of grief. I too had no off button, if I didn't drink at all it wouldn't bother me but after I had one it had to be 12 beers or 2 bottles of wine. I have read around here that 'normal drinkers' don't question their drinking habits, they don't need to. I think you are in the right place to learn alot about it though.

Welcome to SR!

CarolD

Hi and Welcome!

As you probably know...AA is for those who have
a desire to stop drinking.

So as you desire to quit...I see no problem.

Are you an alcoholic?
Only you can answer that.

Are you in the beginning stage ..???
It sounds like you are not in the
middle or final stages yet.

I base that on the information here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Good Luck and Hugs to you and your husband.

SaTiT

Good morning. Robran
I can't say that you're an alcoholic or not.
The only person that can make that decision is you.

However, I didn't think i was alki either.
AA mess up my buzz.lol

oh...there's an old saying
" she came through the back door of AA"
That would be through Al-anon and into AA.lol

Here's another ridddle....
three frogs on a log in a pond
two frogs made a decision to jump into the water.
How many frogs are left on the log ?
answer= three

Don't be so hard on yourself. if you made a decision
to stop drinking so be it. Stop drinking
Screw guilt....
You did not betray AA. AA is there to help if you
want to stop, so you don't have to do it alone.
mmm..like dealing with some issues such as guilt.

The 12 steps is a living program, it is very helpful
and a great way of living. However it is recommend
that one not drink and use while working the steps.

As hard as it was for me to stop drinking, that was just
the begining or a start. Drinking and using was just
a symtom of my deeper problems..such as deep, deep
guilt and shame. i had to face or work on my real problems
later. I just had to do first things first, stop drinking
so i can work the steps. By working the steps I have
no desire or loose the complusion to drink or try to
manage and hide it. So, not drinking is pretty simple
or the logical thing to do...for me.

robran

Thanks for the replies. Why is this so hard? It's just booze right. I am 36 and all of my girlfriends are mom's and busy with little ones. I couldn't seem to make myself "grow up", until I took a rearview glance at how others must see me. I did not like the reflection, that was a huge push towards this decision for me. Last night I had a beer. Just one. My husband was home and although he will not admit it he did not speak to me very much afterwards. I felt guilty too but I have been questioning myself about this so much lately and the decision to do this was a kind of a test. To prove what, I am not quite sure but....anyway I did it. What now?????

Golfman

Hey robran,

What now? You've already been to AA, why not go back? Turn off the Ass-Kickin' Machine!!! You went because you think you have a problem. Give yourself a break. Go back and stay long enough to find out if you really do. Even if you decide you don't, there's plenty you can still take away from the meetings. Heck, you might even say something that could help someone else.

Your in sobriety,
Ed

TINLIZZY

Hi Robran,

Welcome to SR. Ed is much more eloquent than I, so I will just say ditto.

I've not been to many meetings myself, but as someone who is intent on sobriety, I would rather sit next to you than someone who is just there to satisfy a judge.

TinLizzy

Nuudawn

Hey Robran,
Do you truly desire to quit drinking? If so, that is all that is required to attend AA closed meetings. Anyone can attend the open meetings...alcoholic or not. Without truly believing that alcohol is causing a negative affect on your life, I imagine it would be difficult to not drink.

Do you want to quit drinking for you..or for your husband? Does your husband have an issue with your drinking?

What is the reason you wish to abstain fully..if you wish to abstain fully?

nogard

Welcome to SR, great place for support.

Kevin