New here, hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 2
New here, hello
I've been reading the forum for a couple of months now, and I guess I should introduce myself. I've been wanting to post for a while, but there's so much to type that it's a little overwhelming.
I've been with AH for eight years now. We have a five year old son and he has a fourteen year old son from a previous relationship. He always drank, but he was a weekend drinker. He would overdo it at times, but he always had it under control. Things started to change after ds was born. He started to drink more when we'd go out, and he'd never want to leave the party. I'd have enough and want to get home, but he would always have to have another drink, and another and another, until I'd just leave by myself. He would come home at dawn, and then he wouldn't drink again for a month or so. Then things progressed to the point where he would be gone for two days, and he'd show up at home after he had drank, passed out, drank some more, passed out again, drank some more and then finally ran out of booze or money.
He would be hung over for a couple of days, contrite and remorseful and full of apologies. Of course he wouldn't do it again, he was sorry.
He would be okay for about three months, and then he would binge again. It got to the point where I didn't go out with him anymore because it always was the same thing. I got tired of watching him get drunk and listening to him treat me like his mother or babysitter. So I just refused to go. And of course it was my fault he got drunk, because I never wanted to do things with him anymore.
Two years ago, things got really bad. He started going out every night. He wasn't drinking for most of this time, but he was driving around his hard core alcoholic friends. He said they were playing cards. Rumours started going around that he was having an affair, but he denied it and I believed him. But he was always gone. He lost his job (not alcohol related) and had to go out of town to look for work. The rumours persisted. I got a lot of hang up calls from blocked phone numbers. He continued to deny the rumours and told me I was paranoid. I found lots of things that made me wonder (as I codependently searched his bags) but he continued to deny it.
I started wondering if he was doing drugs, but he denied it. But I found things that made me suspicious, like pen casings, mesh from reusable coffee filters with scorch marks on them and lots of lighters in his shaving bag. He would have cigarettes in his truck but he has never smoked. He denied it, but he never had an explanation for them. I'm pretty naive about drugs, I know what pot and hash look like but that's about it. I think he might have been doing crack, but I don't really know for sure. He would have terrible stomach pain, diarrhea and constipation after his disappearing acts sometimes and I think it had something to do with whatever he was doing. Maybe someone who has experience with this could clue me in? He also just had a bad bout of pneumonia that took him two months to get over, and the doctors want to test him for COPD. Now, since he has never smoked this makes me wonder if he has damaged his lungs by smoking drugs.
The last two times that he got drunk, it was horrible. He drank on Labour Day weekend at his dad's. We were both there, and I managed to get him home, where he passed out on the step standing up as I was trying to get him in the door. He wet his pants. After I managed to wake him up and get him inside he got belligerent and tried to go back out to drink some more. Stupid me, I tried to reason with him and keep him home. Our son (four years old at the time) woke up and saw us. AH was arguing with me, and pulled a knife from the kitchen drawer and held it to his throat, asking me if that was what I wanted him to do. He was waving the knife around and accusing me of sleeping with pretty much every man I worked with. I just told him to go drink. After he left I took ds and went out of town for the rest of the weekend to stay with my SIL. After he sobered up, he had no recollection of doing any of it. I told him what he had done and he was mortified. He promised that he would quit drinking.
Fast forward to the day before New Year's Eve. He disappeared, then phoned me from someone's house to come pick him up, because he had "a couple of beer". My BIL and I went to get him so I could drive his car home. On the way home he tried to talk me into going out to a friend's house for a couple more beer. I said no, and he argued with me. Blah blah blah you never let me have any fun, blah blah blah. I told him he could do whatever he wanted to do, but I wasn't drinking with him. Reminded him of his promise, no matter, he just wanted to go. I wasn't going to argue with him, so I went home and he went out partying. I went to bed.
About four hours later, I heard banging on the door. I asked who it was and it was a woman I know. She said she and her husband gave AH a ride home and could I come out and get him, because he fell in the driveway and he was bleeding. I came out and he was so drunk that he wasn't making any sense at all. He smashed his nose on the ice and was covered with blood. He tried to get back in their truck and got blood all over it. She said that he chugged most of a bottle of whiskey at the party and was saying horrible things to the hosts. I had to wake up my BIL to get him to help me bring him inside (it was 30 below, so I couldn't leave him outside). He was laughing, then crying, then laughing at who knows what. We got him into the house and he passed out while walking in the kitchen. He dropped to the floor and I left him there. When I woke up in the morning, he was still there but he had wet his pants again, so he was lying in his own urine all night and was soaked and cold.
After that one, he was all apologetic again and told me he wasn't going to drink again. We talked a lot, and I told him that I wasn't willing to live like that anymore. He promised to quit and said he would get help. We talked about counselling and he was open to it. He wasn't too big on AA, because we live in a small community and AA isn't really anonymous here. But he was willing to go to a counsellor in another community. Then he got pneumonia and things haven't really gone anywhere from there.
So that's where I am. I bought myself a copy of Co-dependent No More and I have been facing a lot of hard truths about myself and my situation. I'm willing to give him a chance, but I'm not willing to live the way I have been anymore. I've learned a lot just by reading the forums here and I'm beginning to be able to detach and stand my ground firmly without getting sucked into his drama.
I've written a novel, it seems, but I've left so much out. I'm still waiting for him to tell me the truth about a lot of things, and I'm feeling very resentful for what he's put me through. And I still am hesitant to bring things up because in the back of my mind I'm afraid he'll use it as an excuse to binge. And then I'll have to take things to the next level and I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten through this.
I've been with AH for eight years now. We have a five year old son and he has a fourteen year old son from a previous relationship. He always drank, but he was a weekend drinker. He would overdo it at times, but he always had it under control. Things started to change after ds was born. He started to drink more when we'd go out, and he'd never want to leave the party. I'd have enough and want to get home, but he would always have to have another drink, and another and another, until I'd just leave by myself. He would come home at dawn, and then he wouldn't drink again for a month or so. Then things progressed to the point where he would be gone for two days, and he'd show up at home after he had drank, passed out, drank some more, passed out again, drank some more and then finally ran out of booze or money.
He would be hung over for a couple of days, contrite and remorseful and full of apologies. Of course he wouldn't do it again, he was sorry.
He would be okay for about three months, and then he would binge again. It got to the point where I didn't go out with him anymore because it always was the same thing. I got tired of watching him get drunk and listening to him treat me like his mother or babysitter. So I just refused to go. And of course it was my fault he got drunk, because I never wanted to do things with him anymore.
Two years ago, things got really bad. He started going out every night. He wasn't drinking for most of this time, but he was driving around his hard core alcoholic friends. He said they were playing cards. Rumours started going around that he was having an affair, but he denied it and I believed him. But he was always gone. He lost his job (not alcohol related) and had to go out of town to look for work. The rumours persisted. I got a lot of hang up calls from blocked phone numbers. He continued to deny the rumours and told me I was paranoid. I found lots of things that made me wonder (as I codependently searched his bags) but he continued to deny it.
I started wondering if he was doing drugs, but he denied it. But I found things that made me suspicious, like pen casings, mesh from reusable coffee filters with scorch marks on them and lots of lighters in his shaving bag. He would have cigarettes in his truck but he has never smoked. He denied it, but he never had an explanation for them. I'm pretty naive about drugs, I know what pot and hash look like but that's about it. I think he might have been doing crack, but I don't really know for sure. He would have terrible stomach pain, diarrhea and constipation after his disappearing acts sometimes and I think it had something to do with whatever he was doing. Maybe someone who has experience with this could clue me in? He also just had a bad bout of pneumonia that took him two months to get over, and the doctors want to test him for COPD. Now, since he has never smoked this makes me wonder if he has damaged his lungs by smoking drugs.
The last two times that he got drunk, it was horrible. He drank on Labour Day weekend at his dad's. We were both there, and I managed to get him home, where he passed out on the step standing up as I was trying to get him in the door. He wet his pants. After I managed to wake him up and get him inside he got belligerent and tried to go back out to drink some more. Stupid me, I tried to reason with him and keep him home. Our son (four years old at the time) woke up and saw us. AH was arguing with me, and pulled a knife from the kitchen drawer and held it to his throat, asking me if that was what I wanted him to do. He was waving the knife around and accusing me of sleeping with pretty much every man I worked with. I just told him to go drink. After he left I took ds and went out of town for the rest of the weekend to stay with my SIL. After he sobered up, he had no recollection of doing any of it. I told him what he had done and he was mortified. He promised that he would quit drinking.
Fast forward to the day before New Year's Eve. He disappeared, then phoned me from someone's house to come pick him up, because he had "a couple of beer". My BIL and I went to get him so I could drive his car home. On the way home he tried to talk me into going out to a friend's house for a couple more beer. I said no, and he argued with me. Blah blah blah you never let me have any fun, blah blah blah. I told him he could do whatever he wanted to do, but I wasn't drinking with him. Reminded him of his promise, no matter, he just wanted to go. I wasn't going to argue with him, so I went home and he went out partying. I went to bed.
About four hours later, I heard banging on the door. I asked who it was and it was a woman I know. She said she and her husband gave AH a ride home and could I come out and get him, because he fell in the driveway and he was bleeding. I came out and he was so drunk that he wasn't making any sense at all. He smashed his nose on the ice and was covered with blood. He tried to get back in their truck and got blood all over it. She said that he chugged most of a bottle of whiskey at the party and was saying horrible things to the hosts. I had to wake up my BIL to get him to help me bring him inside (it was 30 below, so I couldn't leave him outside). He was laughing, then crying, then laughing at who knows what. We got him into the house and he passed out while walking in the kitchen. He dropped to the floor and I left him there. When I woke up in the morning, he was still there but he had wet his pants again, so he was lying in his own urine all night and was soaked and cold.
After that one, he was all apologetic again and told me he wasn't going to drink again. We talked a lot, and I told him that I wasn't willing to live like that anymore. He promised to quit and said he would get help. We talked about counselling and he was open to it. He wasn't too big on AA, because we live in a small community and AA isn't really anonymous here. But he was willing to go to a counsellor in another community. Then he got pneumonia and things haven't really gone anywhere from there.
So that's where I am. I bought myself a copy of Co-dependent No More and I have been facing a lot of hard truths about myself and my situation. I'm willing to give him a chance, but I'm not willing to live the way I have been anymore. I've learned a lot just by reading the forums here and I'm beginning to be able to detach and stand my ground firmly without getting sucked into his drama.
I've written a novel, it seems, but I've left so much out. I'm still waiting for him to tell me the truth about a lot of things, and I'm feeling very resentful for what he's put me through. And I still am hesitant to bring things up because in the back of my mind I'm afraid he'll use it as an excuse to binge. And then I'll have to take things to the next level and I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten through this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
welcome and thanks for sharing....Uh I hate to say this but the time he put a knife up to my sons neck he would have been put in jail FAST...this man is abusing you and I think maybe you don't see it or are making excuses for him.
Buy him some pampers and tell him to get out....
Buy him some pampers and tell him to get out....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
nina, welcome! it seems like we all have similar situations, some worse than others, but we don't always know what the right thing to do is, at first. none of us here can tell you what to do with your husband, but keep in mind your child's life and whether or not you want him to live with memories of his father acting this way, especially if he could be in any physical danger (you mentioned the incident in the kitchen with the knife). i would do what's best for him, and ultimately, what's going to be best for you.
we can all only put up with so much... is this the life you had planned for yourself? is this the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with? the sad truth is, the man you married has disappeared, and although it's not impossible for him to reappear, it's unlikely, especially without hitting any kind of bottom and wanting to enter a serious recovery process.
think about YOU and what you need to do for yourself. it's hard and overwhelming at first, but if we've all been able to get through it, you will too! keep us updated on your situation, and don't be afraid to post more!
we can all only put up with so much... is this the life you had planned for yourself? is this the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with? the sad truth is, the man you married has disappeared, and although it's not impossible for him to reappear, it's unlikely, especially without hitting any kind of bottom and wanting to enter a serious recovery process.
think about YOU and what you need to do for yourself. it's hard and overwhelming at first, but if we've all been able to get through it, you will too! keep us updated on your situation, and don't be afraid to post more!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
ninapoko
Welcome. You have come to a good place to learn what this disease is all about and how it affects those around it. Unfortunately, it does not sound like you and your son are in a good situation ... but it is one similar to what so many of us have been in. Keep reading .. and in your journey ahead, may you find peace, safety and serenity in your life.
Welcome. You have come to a good place to learn what this disease is all about and how it affects those around it. Unfortunately, it does not sound like you and your son are in a good situation ... but it is one similar to what so many of us have been in. Keep reading .. and in your journey ahead, may you find peace, safety and serenity in your life.
harleygirl92156
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: IOWA
Posts: 430
Wow, when I started reading your post I had to go back and check to make sure it wasn't an old one I had written. If you replace the knife with a gun and remove the child, you just told MY STORY to the letter.
You are in my prayers as I know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are going through.....just go read some of my old posts and you will see what I mean!
Anyway, I don't know your AH, but I can tell you there is hope. My husband has been sober 2.5 years. We went through the binge drinking, the I am sorry I will never do it again, the infidelity, the disappearence acts, all the same things you just described.
I will keep you in my prayers, remember miracles do happen, but sometimes the miracle is we break away and become healthy alone. I am one of the lucky ones and I am grateful everyday that I am married to an alcoholic that found recovery and lead me on the path to my own recovery.
God Bless
You are in my prayers as I know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are going through.....just go read some of my old posts and you will see what I mean!
Anyway, I don't know your AH, but I can tell you there is hope. My husband has been sober 2.5 years. We went through the binge drinking, the I am sorry I will never do it again, the infidelity, the disappearence acts, all the same things you just described.
I will keep you in my prayers, remember miracles do happen, but sometimes the miracle is we break away and become healthy alone. I am one of the lucky ones and I am grateful everyday that I am married to an alcoholic that found recovery and lead me on the path to my own recovery.
God Bless
Let Go Let God
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: jersey shore
Posts: 437
its true . so much of your story is just like mine and many others here .
im a little confused about the knife in the kitchen though , when i read
it i understood that your son woke up and witnessed an argument and your
husband getting a knife and putting it to his own throat ?? im hoping he
was asking you if you wanted him to kill himself and not your son ... the later
is just too hard to imagine .
hang in there , its a horrible disease , my father , many uncles , brother in laws and my own husband suffer from it . my ah has been out of rehab since aug. and has relapsed 2 times (many more?) since then . i learned from friends at sr that relapse is part of recovery and for the most part he really
wants to be sober .
praying for you and your son .. whatever you decide to do , take care of
you & him first !
im a little confused about the knife in the kitchen though , when i read
it i understood that your son woke up and witnessed an argument and your
husband getting a knife and putting it to his own throat ?? im hoping he
was asking you if you wanted him to kill himself and not your son ... the later
is just too hard to imagine .
hang in there , its a horrible disease , my father , many uncles , brother in laws and my own husband suffer from it . my ah has been out of rehab since aug. and has relapsed 2 times (many more?) since then . i learned from friends at sr that relapse is part of recovery and for the most part he really
wants to be sober .
praying for you and your son .. whatever you decide to do , take care of
you & him first !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 2
Sorry, he held the knife to his own throat, not our son's, but it was bad enough that he even had it out.
I think I'm at a turning point right now. I'm not willing to live like that, and I don't want my son to grow up thinking that's normal. When I see everything written out it, it seems so clearly wrong, but I think that the fact that it happened only every three or four months and escalated gradually over the course of a few years made it harder for me to shake the denial. And he never gave me reason to doubt him before, especially with drugs or infidelity, so of course I believed him.
I still doubt myself, even when I know I shouldn't.
I think I'm at a turning point right now. I'm not willing to live like that, and I don't want my son to grow up thinking that's normal. When I see everything written out it, it seems so clearly wrong, but I think that the fact that it happened only every three or four months and escalated gradually over the course of a few years made it harder for me to shake the denial. And he never gave me reason to doubt him before, especially with drugs or infidelity, so of course I believed him.
I still doubt myself, even when I know I shouldn't.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hey (((Nina))).
Yup, sounds like you've reached a real turning point.
Keep going.
Don't close your eyes.
What you are seeing and feeling is REAL.
You already know the truth.
I can totally understand the resentment you feel...but the only way out is realizing that we hold the key to get away from their craziness.
Glad to meet you. Keep posting.
neg
Yup, sounds like you've reached a real turning point.
Keep going.
Don't close your eyes.
What you are seeing and feeling is REAL.
You already know the truth.
I can totally understand the resentment you feel...but the only way out is realizing that we hold the key to get away from their craziness.
Glad to meet you. Keep posting.
neg
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
(((Nina))) welcome
Yep, you already know the answer. You must take care of yourself and your child. We can only take so much, and then we will decide to take whatever action is needed.
Blessings and much love to you. You are never alone here.
Yep, you already know the answer. You must take care of yourself and your child. We can only take so much, and then we will decide to take whatever action is needed.
Blessings and much love to you. You are never alone here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: concord, nc
Posts: 304
With my AH I had to look at patterns of behavior. With every "start/stop" things got worse. Finally he was lying when he was sober! I could kick myself for putting my two daughters through all the madness. Keep reading and keep posting. This board is a blessing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Welcome and I hate to say it but anyone of us could have signed this post. It is a devastating process to progressively lose faith in someone. You have wanted to believe in him but he's made it impossible. Like all of us, as I read your post, there were about 10 times he should have been hauled off in a squad car or ambulance.
As aweful as all this realizarion is, the process hasn't come full circle for you yet.
They want us to find a comfort zone in being their mother or keeper.
You are allowing yourself to see the truth and feel it because we are self preserving human beings.
It's normal to want a happy marriage.
I think you have to rethink things, do things differently.
If he can't stand up, call an ambulance. If he even implies danger to you, call 911.
The consequences to his increased drinking have fallen on you, not him. It's a hard process to start because it feels like a betrayal, it isn't.
If you had acted like this, he'd have put you out on the curb. long long long ago.
I would start by going for a full gyn exam. Enough said about that.
I find that in any case, it isn't a problem until it's theri problem. Step back and let his chips fall where they may.
As aweful as all this realizarion is, the process hasn't come full circle for you yet.
They want us to find a comfort zone in being their mother or keeper.
You are allowing yourself to see the truth and feel it because we are self preserving human beings.
It's normal to want a happy marriage.
I think you have to rethink things, do things differently.
If he can't stand up, call an ambulance. If he even implies danger to you, call 911.
The consequences to his increased drinking have fallen on you, not him. It's a hard process to start because it feels like a betrayal, it isn't.
If you had acted like this, he'd have put you out on the curb. long long long ago.
I would start by going for a full gyn exam. Enough said about that.
I find that in any case, it isn't a problem until it's theri problem. Step back and let his chips fall where they may.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by ninapoko 
He wasn't too big on AA, because we live in a small community and AA isn't really anonymous here.
The beginning of your story really describes my first husband to a T. I was young and had NO idea about alcoholism. Since his binges were so infrequent and so spread apart, I never made the connection until years after we divorced. I later learned that these types of alcoholics are called "spree drinkers."
I see a lot of enabling going on here. Welcome to the club... we've ALL done it.
You know... your husband's drinking (and drugging?) is SO in the face of SO many people, that he may actually be in luck. If he is left alone to lie face down on an icy driveway in a pool of blood and urine, then he might just wake up and realize how he got there. As embarrassing and disgusting as this is for you... this is a good thing.
Carry on with your own life. Leave him to his.
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Hello,
I read your post a couple times, then again. I think the reason I did this is because I could not believe that you’re still with this guy.
If you truly love your child and want to protect him, what the heck you waiting for?
This is someone way beyond out of control and has no regard for life or limb.
Yes AA may be hard for the poor fool, but it is needed and you should look into Alanon.
I tell you if you live in such a small community and everyone know what’s going on, I’m shocked someone has not had the guts to call someone to protect your son from all this.
I hope what I just said sent a chill up your spine, because it should.
You need to protect your son. and yourself.
Now if you enjoy living out an episode of COPS every weekend, then go right ahead.
I think you already know what YOU need to do, you just NEED to do it.
I read your post a couple times, then again. I think the reason I did this is because I could not believe that you’re still with this guy.
If you truly love your child and want to protect him, what the heck you waiting for?
This is someone way beyond out of control and has no regard for life or limb.
Yes AA may be hard for the poor fool, but it is needed and you should look into Alanon.
I tell you if you live in such a small community and everyone know what’s going on, I’m shocked someone has not had the guts to call someone to protect your son from all this.
I hope what I just said sent a chill up your spine, because it should.
You need to protect your son. and yourself.
Now if you enjoy living out an episode of COPS every weekend, then go right ahead.
I think you already know what YOU need to do, you just NEED to do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,351
bad boys bad boy--what cha gonna do?watcha gonna do when they come for you??? You are right MrC----imagine a small community and no one has called the police on him yet??And it is living like being on 'cops'--Most of us have been there---do not do this to your son--he needs to feel safe and loved. So he held the knife to HIS throat?well that is better than your son's--but what if he would have snapped at that point--could have hurt all3 of you!!!
Personally if my EXAH put a knife to his throat and asked me if this is what I wanted--I would have tripped him to make sure it happened.....who does he think he is?????
Personally if my EXAH put a knife to his throat and asked me if this is what I wanted--I would have tripped him to make sure it happened.....who does he think he is?????
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: stuck in the middle with you
Posts: 35
Welcome to SR. Please keep checking in with us - I am not lying when I say the people here have saved my sanity and shown me that ANYONE - no matter how codependent or dysfunctional - can recover. As they say in Al-anon meetings, "Although you may not like all of us, you'll find that we already love you."
Please keep writing.
22Tango
Please keep writing.
22Tango
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
You have to go with your gut reaction!!
It is like everything you do - think about it for a bit. If you fear or suspect somethings not quite right, It Probably Isnt...
Come on you know your husband, You know if he had an affair, you know he's not ready to give up right now.
Throw him out and keep the two children with you. Tell him that when he's finished with the party, he can call you.
The only reason you are unsure about this, could be because your not too sure about yourself. Be confident, you will make it. Take action and plan your future with or without him.
Sorry, for being so straight but what really has to happen for this all to end!!
We have no idea. So the year 2007 is your choice..
Good Luck
It is like everything you do - think about it for a bit. If you fear or suspect somethings not quite right, It Probably Isnt...
Come on you know your husband, You know if he had an affair, you know he's not ready to give up right now.
Throw him out and keep the two children with you. Tell him that when he's finished with the party, he can call you.
The only reason you are unsure about this, could be because your not too sure about yourself. Be confident, you will make it. Take action and plan your future with or without him.
Sorry, for being so straight but what really has to happen for this all to end!!
We have no idea. So the year 2007 is your choice..
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Welcome to SR Ninapoko. Glad you retired you're lurker status and decided to join in!
Several times my ex would pull a large knife from the kitchen counter and corner me in the bathroom, put the knife up to his chest and beg me to push it in for him. Although I was afraid for him, I was also afraid for myself being cornered in a room with him blocking my only escape. See, I was afraid he might 'snap' and in a rage, plunge the knife in me instead. He's no longer in my life, but to this day, I don't keep kitchen knifes on the counter anymore. It still bothers me.
Another thing he used to tell me was that when I was sleeping, he would take the knife, put my finger prints on it, then stab himself and call 911 and claim that I did it, so that I would be arrested.
Anytime weapons are used, whether threatening to use them against themselves, or anyone else, is a time to seriously consider your circumstances and why you are still there. It's a clue....a HUGE RED FLAG waving in front of us that many discount, but shouldn't!
Knowing what I know now, alcohol involved or not, the knife incident would SCREAM volumes to me.....in your case, not only for you, but for your son!
You mention wanting for him to tell you the truth about a few things. Sure, we all desire honesty, but at this point, does it really matter?
Keep coming back and posting. It helps to get it all out. BTW, have you tried Alanon yet? Many here have found it to be extremely useful in situations like this.
Again, welcome to SR!
Originally Posted by ninapoko
AH was arguing with me, and pulled a knife from the kitchen drawer and held it to his throat, asking me if that was what I wanted him to do.
Another thing he used to tell me was that when I was sleeping, he would take the knife, put my finger prints on it, then stab himself and call 911 and claim that I did it, so that I would be arrested.
Anytime weapons are used, whether threatening to use them against themselves, or anyone else, is a time to seriously consider your circumstances and why you are still there. It's a clue....a HUGE RED FLAG waving in front of us that many discount, but shouldn't!
Knowing what I know now, alcohol involved or not, the knife incident would SCREAM volumes to me.....in your case, not only for you, but for your son!
You mention wanting for him to tell you the truth about a few things. Sure, we all desire honesty, but at this point, does it really matter?
Keep coming back and posting. It helps to get it all out. BTW, have you tried Alanon yet? Many here have found it to be extremely useful in situations like this.
Again, welcome to SR!
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