un4gvn acts

Today I am lost, sad & hurt.

I feel like no one makes me their priority but I am always making others my priority. I do & do but no one does for me.

I do take time for me, I learned that in Al Anon. I read, get my nails done, paint, & take lots of bubble baths. I do do things that I enjoy but I do them alone.

I have made my NEEDS known but my needs are not being met. It hit me this morning; maybe I am not getting what I need because this person doesn't care about me.

I want to give up, I don't want to care anymore, why should I?
I feel like doing something so so so I don't know. I've never done anything out of spite or revenge. I want to cheat, maybe not cheat but I have a strong desire to need to feel a man. a kiss, a hug, a touch hell I miss sex tooooooo!

I am tired of being neglected. It is a form of abuse and I am not going to tolerate it any longer.

You know we ALL deserve metals for putting up with this crap of BS that they dish us!

(I will design a metal for us) that way we can wear it proud every day & all who see it will know that we are Survivors.

Hanginon

don't feel bad. I read this somewhere and it became a daily motto for letting those feelings go.
"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
Hugs

recovery4me

i hope you manage to find some affection from somewhere i know how it feels and it hurts i would give you a big hug but my arms will not reach that far lol
well good luck if you put your cards on the table with your partner they may wisk you off your feet again like when you first met, i don't let anyone get close to me due to me not wanting to explain my issues or wreck their lives well hope i have not made you feel any worse

chrisea

take lots of bubble baths... do that, paint my own nails, after each disappointing relationship, I think of a bonus for me... even small ones, like wooden back scratchers, hug my cat, sparkle makeup, articles/books on loving solitutude and being single, glancing at other women who have been on their own for a while, yes they are smiling, lol...

embraced2000

i had to do it for myself.....give myself the affection i needed, because i sure couldn't depend on the alcoholic in my life to take care of my heart and soul.

and it wasn't his job, either. i had to change my life, which meant divorcing in my case.....but not all people have to go to that extreme.....and then i had to learn how to be good to myself in so many ways that i just couldn't believe it....it was astounding to me.

being good to myself was so foreign.....it started with simple things like bubble baths, etc...you know, the good ole standby suggestions......and then it evolved into taking care of my mind and how i let my mind think and react.

once the ball started rolling, it became so much easier to find ways to love myself.

loveRoy

I just want to be with ME. I can count on ME. I know what ME is going to do and what ME is not going to do. ME does not lie to me. ME does not have that awful smell. I can trust ME. I don't want medals. For me, there is not a medal worth the madness.

hope2bhappy

If I had a dime for everytime I have felt exactly this same way...

lilac

(((Hugs)))

I had to learn about me again, because my AH zapped every bit of energy from me , along with my identity.....I was sooo focused on him, I lost myself.

We have been neglected, so I know how you are feeling......I often wonder what it would be like to kiss a man that does not wreak of alcohol and is a bumbling fool.

Whatever God has in store for us will come, in HIS timing.....

In the meantime, enjoy those bubble baths, the sunrise/sunset, and all the little things in this world.

Nuudawn

What do YOU do for YOU? That's what this is all about. Learning how to care for ourselves...learning boundaries and assertiveness. Showing others that we will not tolerate abuse, neglect and disrespect. It's about planting our own garden and decorating our own soul.

The despair you feel within you right now is you..crying out to you. It's telling you..please take care of me, please stop allowing others to inflict pain on me, please protect me, nurture me..care and love for me the way you care for others.

You are the one lost in this equation of caring. You. You need to learn how to love, care and respect you.

It's much, much more than bubble baths...it's about you...discovering the sunshine and glory of you and your life.

Sunflower

who wants to have sex with an alcoholic??maybe another alcoholic?? Personally I love being single-I have been for all but about 3 years of my life. Never needed the companionship you are looking for-maybe I am just a weirdo?lol..

Golfman

Ladies...sorry to intrude. I'm ed, i'm a recovering alcoholic. been sober since '86. i come to your forum to hear again the damage i did to people just like you. i have to read of your pain, sorrow, anguish, frustration, and need to feel loved so i can always remember what i was, but am no longer.

you see...i know what you're living with, i used to be him/her. i know how his mind works. i know how he manipulates you and makes you feel worthless. i was/he is your worst nightmare.

i know that some of you feel hopeless. i know that some of you may hate me for my past. i don't care because i'm not him anymore. what i wanted to do was to say how sorry i am for what they do to you. and...wanted to let you know that there is life after ah, as, a, whatever. you are beautiful women who've been taken apart by a disease that takes no prisoners. this disease shoots to kill every time. it will kill and destroy all that is good. it's desire is to rip your guts out and slaughter innocent little lambs.

But.....you only need to believe in yourself to stop it in it's tracks. you can say STOP, i'm not yielding to you or your madness. i'm me, i'm worth every bit of what God made be to be. you will be the strength by which others like yourselves will rise out of the muck that is their life. God will use you as an example of your resolve and your desire to live happy.

Please don't let anyone or anything stop you. Maybe i'm wrong here, but if you want affection, pray for it and it will come. someday you will have a person in your life that will be kind, considerate, affectionate, and....won't smell like s**t in the sack.

on that pretty note i'll leave. again, thank you for sharing your pain, hope, and in some cases freedom with me. it convinces me that even though i did much damage, the wounds do heal. and quite beautifully i might add!!!!

Your friend in sobriety,
Ed

PS if you're pi55sed that i intruded, please say so. i don't ever want to cause harm like i did again.

HolyQow

This sounds like the victim mode that I was in for a long time. I felt that way alot....but you know why? Because I LET THEM (kids and AH). It's simple to fix....try saying "do it yourself" .....let the control go ....it will be okay ...really.

aztchr

I had to stop doing for others and start taking care of myself.
We should be our #1 priority, then others if we choose.

lillamy

Ed, there's no reason for anyone to hate anyone for a past they've managed to recover from. Your insights here are very illuminating to me, at least.

un4givn... I really, truly feel your pain. Been there, many times. But I think Nuudawn has a point. You can have all the pedicures & bubble baths in the world, but if that's not what you really need, it ain't gonna do a thing for you.

Here's the thing I've slowly discovered about myself -- but still fight against completely accepting:

I got into the mess I'm in by believing that somebody else could make me happy. That somebody happened to be an A. But even if he hasn't been -- he couldn't have made me happy. Only I can make me happy, by making decisions and choices that are true to who I am, what I value, and what I believe. It's a damn lonely spot to be in, but it's also very freeing.

And I still have days (weeks... months...) when the pain is so cutting that I'm just yearning for someone to come take me away and take care of me and make me chicken soup or fly me to France or at least ask "do you want a cup of coffee?" when they're pouring themselves one.

Remember, that after living with an A, you're so starved of attention that any attention will make you weak at the knees. I really, really have to watch myself, because I know that if any man so much as is nice to me, I start thinking... and somewhere, I know I don't want to get into any kind of relationship being the bundle of pain, weakness, and unfinished business that I am right now.

But I know. There are days I'd give my right arm for just a brief moment of someone holding their arms around me and telling me it's all going to be OK.

hope2bhappy

Certainly not me. I think this is where the "cheating" idea would occasionally pop into my head. Sometimes I would feel so depressed... the sensual woman part of me had been lost.

I was about 36 when I began this "journey." Now, I am 54. Gee, time flies. As the years would pass, I'd look at myself in the mirror... gracefully aging... sexually unfulfilled... life passing me by. I didn't dwell on this... these were passing thoughts and feelings. I'm human.

Being a deeply spiritual person, I strived to turn my life over to God (as I understood Him) every day. This is what got me through. I knew that He had a plan for me. I trust Him completely. I believe that, for now, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart... and He shall direct your paths." This is what gets me through.

Golfman... I love hearing from you. Keep posting, please.

Sunflower

Golfman--please keepcoming here and posting--it is so good to hear things from your perspective--I hope it helps you as well.....