mec

OK I am really confused.... My ABF just got out of jail today... I work hard to find him a room cause he can't stay with me. And he said that he just needs a few beers... and he was going back to his room to get unpacked and then get a few beers and go back to his room... He wants me to come over tongiht, but I am like what am I doing here... why am I still with this man. Why can't I just walk away from him and say that I am done... I know I should and everyone is telling me to... but my heart wont let me.... I am just afraid that he is going to hurt himself if I walk away from him....
Please someone help me with this confusion.

WhatAboutME

Mec, he will hurt himself with or without you if he continues to drink. I struggle with the same guilt as you do about leaving my AH. I'm afraid he'll drink himself to death if I leave, but in reality, he's doing a pretty good job of that on his own. At this point, it's come down to whether I want to come home from work one day and actually find him dead on our living room floor and just hear about it from someone else.

Set your boundaries. Stick to them. If you give him an inch, he'll take you down with him!

Sunflower

right out of jail and back to the drinking--what a shame!-I agree set those boundries right now and stick to them. When you love someone it is hard to watch them suffer--I had the hardest time with this myself-unfortunately this does sound like a case of unless you leave him alone he will not recover?sometimes its good to look at it that way-you are helping him by leaving--keep telling yourself that over and over again. If you stay with him nothing will change-he doesn't sound like he wants to quit.I am so sorry for your pain-hang in there...we are here for you,,,,

MsGolightly

mec, i was also afraid to part from my ex because i thought she'd fall apart without me. i thought for sure she'd end up dead in a gutter somewhere - she still might - but at least i'm not there to enable it anymore. i'd hate to feel like i could do nothing but watch her destroy herself, which is exactly all i would have been doing. whataboutme is right - he'll continue to drink with or without you. i'd set up some boundaries before you end up hurting yourself even more...

i didn't have the heart to break things off with my ex for months. i've finally reached my tipping point. everything, more than just the drinking, has broke the camel's back... including lies i didn't even think any human being was capable of telling.

no good will come from his drinking. and i also, personally, don't think any good will come from you sticking around. you're just watching a car crash on the side of the road... unable to do anything but drive slowly and eventually make it out on the other side, hoping you'll never have to witness that again.

FormerDoormat

Don't fall for this for one minute. It's a trap. He's hoping that you'll come over so he can sweet talk you to right back into taking care of him. He has no intention of changing his behavior. The easiest way to get your heart in line with your head is to break all contact with him.

Now is the time to think with your head, not your heart. I agree with the other posters here, he's intent on drinking himself to death with you or without you.

I, too, came to the decision that I did not want to come home one day and find him dead in my home. Or, worse yet, have my daughter find him. Leaving my alcoholic boyfriend was the best decision I've ever made--yet it was the hardest. I don't regret it for one second.

StandingStrong

Well, I can't tell you what to do and I do remember very well feeling very indecisive just like you do. But I can tell you that one day I realized,

I can't save my A - I can only save myself.

And that is when I really started accepting the reality of the situation, began to heal, and began a long journey in creating a new me and a new life.

I wish you the best.

hope2bhappy

My heart kept me from doing the right thing many times. Then I started relying more on my brain. Turns out, my brain was a lot smarter than my heart. Let your head guide you, not your heart. Sounds like you already know what to do.