Do I tell his sister?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Do I tell his sister?
Hello all:
I am in serious need of some feedback.
My addicted BF is in complete and utter denial that he needs more than just methadose to get through this.
I am trying hard not to distrust my instincts and to take care of ME- regardless of how sad it makes me. Please remind me that he is NOT the person I fell in love with and if he is making no effort to change and I am still talking to him when I KNOW he is high then there is nothing else for me to do but to walk away since my sanity is in serious jeapordy.
It will kill me to walk away, but in truth, at this point- I feel there is little left of what we use to have. All we talk about is whether or not he's gotten clean etc. I know that I am codependent too and pressure him in his recovery. I've TRIED to get better, but I love and care for him and my "being hard on him" is all I know how to do to keep him accountable. He can't take the heat or the pressure so he is acting incredibly nasty to me not to mention accusing me of cheating on him this weekend while with my friends (and incredibly ridiculous accusation!)
The point is that i need some advice/reminders on how to keep my head clear and remember that he has a disease and all the accustations and nasty words he is saying to me now are merely just a reflection of how deeply sick he is and how far away from himself he has come. I know that he loves me - but his addiction is so much stronger now.
I have also come to the question of whether or not to reach out to his Aunt and Sister. After me they are the closest people to him and he has informed them of his current struggles and small stint in rehab but I do not think they know the extent of it. He may officially loathe me and never EVER speak to me again if I do this. Thoughts?
I am in serious need of some feedback.
My addicted BF is in complete and utter denial that he needs more than just methadose to get through this.
I am trying hard not to distrust my instincts and to take care of ME- regardless of how sad it makes me. Please remind me that he is NOT the person I fell in love with and if he is making no effort to change and I am still talking to him when I KNOW he is high then there is nothing else for me to do but to walk away since my sanity is in serious jeapordy.
It will kill me to walk away, but in truth, at this point- I feel there is little left of what we use to have. All we talk about is whether or not he's gotten clean etc. I know that I am codependent too and pressure him in his recovery. I've TRIED to get better, but I love and care for him and my "being hard on him" is all I know how to do to keep him accountable. He can't take the heat or the pressure so he is acting incredibly nasty to me not to mention accusing me of cheating on him this weekend while with my friends (and incredibly ridiculous accusation!)
The point is that i need some advice/reminders on how to keep my head clear and remember that he has a disease and all the accustations and nasty words he is saying to me now are merely just a reflection of how deeply sick he is and how far away from himself he has come. I know that he loves me - but his addiction is so much stronger now.
I have also come to the question of whether or not to reach out to his Aunt and Sister. After me they are the closest people to him and he has informed them of his current struggles and small stint in rehab but I do not think they know the extent of it. He may officially loathe me and never EVER speak to me again if I do this. Thoughts?
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Hi, and welcome to SR!!! Has anyone pointed out the sticky's at the top of the page....esp the one..."What Addicts Do". I think you will find it enlightening.
Being a true co-dependent myself, I would tell the aunt and the sister, only so they would stop enabling...because sometimes family members try to help, but if they knew the real reason for the loans of money etc, I just look at it, as they should have the opportunity to be informed, so they can refuse if they want to.
Addiction is such a horrible disease, and so catastrophic on everyone involved with the addict. Anyway, that's my 2 cents...take what you want......
Being a true co-dependent myself, I would tell the aunt and the sister, only so they would stop enabling...because sometimes family members try to help, but if they knew the real reason for the loans of money etc, I just look at it, as they should have the opportunity to be informed, so they can refuse if they want to.
Addiction is such a horrible disease, and so catastrophic on everyone involved with the addict. Anyway, that's my 2 cents...take what you want......
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Since he has told them of his addiction, even if not the full extent of it, perhaps inviting them to go to a meeting with you would help all of you begin to work on healing and making good choices in your own life which would also help you all to not enable him.
Meetings saved my life. What have you got to lose? An hour or so of your time. What have you got to gain? Everything, including your life.
Hugs
Meetings saved my life. What have you got to lose? An hour or so of your time. What have you got to gain? Everything, including your life.
Hugs
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