Lack of Friends
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 100
Lack of Friends
Hi. It's been a while since I've posted and this is probably a recurring theme for me.. lack of friends.
I don't have someone that I can talk too whenever I want. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to hang out. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to watch a movie. It's only me and myself in this world, at least this is how I feel. It's depressing, it's sad, make me feel like a looser, makes me ask myself what's wrong with me. Will it always be like this for the rest of my life? When will it change if it even changes?
I see people at my college happy, socializing, having a good time with others and it makes me mad. It makes me so mad to see others having a good time and I feeling like sh*t. It even makes me hate people who are smiling and having a good time with others. Something I'd like to have.
I've tried being open to people and talking to them, but nothing ever clicks. It's f*cking hard. College is supposed to be one of the greatest periods of your life, but it's not for me. Everyone get excited about being in college, not myself.
Then I start having stupid thoughts. Getting suicidal. I don't think I have the courage to end my life, but it does cross through my mind. Anyways... I don't know. I'd like to hear from you guys... (BTW I don't like AA)
Peace.
I don't have someone that I can talk too whenever I want. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to hang out. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to watch a movie. It's only me and myself in this world, at least this is how I feel. It's depressing, it's sad, make me feel like a looser, makes me ask myself what's wrong with me. Will it always be like this for the rest of my life? When will it change if it even changes?
I see people at my college happy, socializing, having a good time with others and it makes me mad. It makes me so mad to see others having a good time and I feeling like sh*t. It even makes me hate people who are smiling and having a good time with others. Something I'd like to have.
I've tried being open to people and talking to them, but nothing ever clicks. It's f*cking hard. College is supposed to be one of the greatest periods of your life, but it's not for me. Everyone get excited about being in college, not myself.
Then I start having stupid thoughts. Getting suicidal. I don't think I have the courage to end my life, but it does cross through my mind. Anyways... I don't know. I'd like to hear from you guys... (BTW I don't like AA)
Peace.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
who said college was the best time of ours lives, lets find them and tell them what we think of that ....
As to no longer being alive well it happens fast enough on its own so why not grab a hold.
Do you have a program or any other kind of suppport? If so then swapp phone numbers and call them when you feel down, often feeling sad for me can feel like massive depression because I am not used to having feelings.
Anyway get numbers and use them. You can have mine if you pm me and my email address as well and my cell phone, but I live in Australia so hard to hang out but we can talk.
Hang in there, "this too shall pass" its not our business how others do thing its our business to get well physically, emotionally, mentally and spritually. I look forward to doing this with you Indigo.
And I Love You.
Kevin
As to no longer being alive well it happens fast enough on its own so why not grab a hold.
Do you have a program or any other kind of suppport? If so then swapp phone numbers and call them when you feel down, often feeling sad for me can feel like massive depression because I am not used to having feelings.
Anyway get numbers and use them. You can have mine if you pm me and my email address as well and my cell phone, but I live in Australia so hard to hang out but we can talk.
Hang in there, "this too shall pass" its not our business how others do thing its our business to get well physically, emotionally, mentally and spritually. I look forward to doing this with you Indigo.
And I Love You.
Kevin
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
hey indigona -
last i remember , you'd been ganged up on (or was stranded at) a convention someplace - where you been? that's the last i remember hearing from you ...
pm me whenever you like - I'm around four days a week at least ...
we all and I mean ALL ... go through this part. it's the separation of one 'type of friend to the 'new' type, trust ... honey, trust.
at the same time, we sober up and realize we had no real friends to begin with. I'm with GP - the first friends I've had since ... maybe ever ... I've found in AA.
we find out all kinds of stuff about ourselves wehn we sober up ... then we learn how to change what we can.
I say a lot that I'm a hermit by nature, but who knows what my 'nature' is ...
sober, I mean. I do prefer to spend my 'free' time alone, but I'm usually doing something ... or 'have' togo do something... I remember something someone said to me the first time I was in aa -
trust God
clean house
be of service
I'm here if you need me!
*prayers*
last i remember , you'd been ganged up on (or was stranded at) a convention someplace - where you been? that's the last i remember hearing from you ...
pm me whenever you like - I'm around four days a week at least ...
we all and I mean ALL ... go through this part. it's the separation of one 'type of friend to the 'new' type, trust ... honey, trust.
at the same time, we sober up and realize we had no real friends to begin with. I'm with GP - the first friends I've had since ... maybe ever ... I've found in AA.
we find out all kinds of stuff about ourselves wehn we sober up ... then we learn how to change what we can.
I say a lot that I'm a hermit by nature, but who knows what my 'nature' is ...
sober, I mean. I do prefer to spend my 'free' time alone, but I'm usually doing something ... or 'have' togo do something... I remember something someone said to me the first time I was in aa -
trust God
clean house
be of service
I'm here if you need me!
*prayers*
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Hey Indigo, I found some great friends when I was running to AA meetings, early in my recovery, because that was the only place I felt safe. I keep in touch with some of them still, almost 26 years now.
I do believe you may be comparing your "insides" with their "outsides" their "masks" so to speak.
I would make a bet that there are some AA meetings on campus, and there will be people there of your own age. At this time, I am not suggesting you try the 12 step program, I am saying how about going to some meetings for the fellowship? You will make some sober friends.
I hung out in meetings for over 6 months, before I finally decided to try the program, lol. But I didn't drink or use that first 6 months. The meetings were great. I really looked forward to going to them. I felt so SAFE in those meetings.
J M H O
Hope it helps.
Love and hugs,
I see people at my college happy, socializing, having a good time with others................It makes me so mad to see others having a good time and I feeling like sh*t.
I would make a bet that there are some AA meetings on campus, and there will be people there of your own age. At this time, I am not suggesting you try the 12 step program, I am saying how about going to some meetings for the fellowship? You will make some sober friends.
I hung out in meetings for over 6 months, before I finally decided to try the program, lol. But I didn't drink or use that first 6 months. The meetings were great. I really looked forward to going to them. I felt so SAFE in those meetings.
J M H O
Hope it helps.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New York City, New York
Posts: 14
May I ask why you dont like AA? They are full of nothing BUT potential friends you already KNOW you have something in common with. Why take that right out of the equation right out of the gate? I thought I would be lonely FOREVER after I got sober. A year after I found AA,.....I met my current girlfriend at a meeting. We have been together for over a year now. AA isnt about God or religion. I am not religious in the LEAST BIT. I have been to church three times in my whole 35 years of life. I go to AA to remain sober and connect with people. THATS IT. Not for religion. Not to find God. It was worked for me ten-fold.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
What are you doing to give back Indigo?
Have you looked around your community to see what you can do help and to make a difference. Getting out there and volunteering is a super way to make friends and it will make you feel good about yourself.
Have you looked around your community to see what you can do help and to make a difference. Getting out there and volunteering is a super way to make friends and it will make you feel good about yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Originally Posted by IndigoNA 
Hi. It's been a while since I've posted and this is probably a recurring theme for me.. lack of friends.
I don't have someone that I can talk too whenever I want. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to hang out. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to watch a movie. It's only me and myself in this world, at least this is how I feel. It's depressing, it's sad, make me feel like a looser, makes me ask myself what's wrong with me. Will it always be like this for the rest of my life? When will it change if it even changes?
Then I start having stupid thoughts. Getting suicidal. I don't think I have the courage to end my life, but it does cross through my mind. Anyways... I don't know. I'd like to hear from you guys... (BTW I don't like AA)
I don't have someone that I can talk too whenever I want. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to hang out. I don't have anyone to call and tell them to watch a movie. It's only me and myself in this world, at least this is how I feel. It's depressing, it's sad, make me feel like a looser, makes me ask myself what's wrong with me. Will it always be like this for the rest of my life? When will it change if it even changes?
Then I start having stupid thoughts. Getting suicidal. I don't think I have the courage to end my life, but it does cross through my mind. Anyways... I don't know. I'd like to hear from you guys... (BTW I don't like AA)
Hi Indigo,
You can find many friends here. There is a lot of support just waiting for you...
It sounds like you are depressed. Have you been in touch with a doctor?
Thinking of you...
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
I think that we need to remember that we are responsible for our own recovery!
No one can make me happy except for myself.
Most of us really are loners in our own way, I know that I am. I do however like you said don't have friends to hang out with outside of the meetings but that is really my choice. Today I really do guard my sobriety it means more to me than anything or anyone else...is that selfish? Maybe but if I don't stay clean then I have nothing else anyway.
Today I am learning how to make friends, I do have people who come buy when Vic doesn't make a meeting in a day. They are used to seeing me there everyday and when I miss I get all sorts of visits and calls. Are they friends? Well I guess that would be most peoples perceptions and even could be mine on a given day.
What Laurie said about judging out insides with others outsides is what my sponsor told me yesterday. Isn't that something that I came here to this thread today, because I normally don't do a lot of recovery on line anymore for I am so involved with living life on the outside and then I hear something here that is a reminder again for me to not compare myself with others.
You know it takes a friend to have a friend. Maybe both of us need to make a little extra effort into making friends
With Love and Respect
Vic
No one can make me happy except for myself.
Most of us really are loners in our own way, I know that I am. I do however like you said don't have friends to hang out with outside of the meetings but that is really my choice. Today I really do guard my sobriety it means more to me than anything or anyone else...is that selfish? Maybe but if I don't stay clean then I have nothing else anyway.
Today I am learning how to make friends, I do have people who come buy when Vic doesn't make a meeting in a day. They are used to seeing me there everyday and when I miss I get all sorts of visits and calls. Are they friends? Well I guess that would be most peoples perceptions and even could be mine on a given day.
What Laurie said about judging out insides with others outsides is what my sponsor told me yesterday. Isn't that something that I came here to this thread today, because I normally don't do a lot of recovery on line anymore for I am so involved with living life on the outside and then I hear something here that is a reminder again for me to not compare myself with others.
You know it takes a friend to have a friend. Maybe both of us need to make a little extra effort into making friends
With Love and Respect
Vic
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello indigo,
you're not a loser. college is tough. are you working with a counselor or anyone on your campus? any clubs or groups that interest you? what about volunteering in your community or on your campus? blessings, k
you're not a loser. college is tough. are you working with a counselor or anyone on your campus? any clubs or groups that interest you? what about volunteering in your community or on your campus? blessings, k
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
How is it going Indigo? Let us know, here in this thread is lots of support and more but its no good unless you read it and join in just like real life.
Kevin
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Indigo,
You sound exactly like me and I've been going to AA for 20+ years now. I was just telling my best friend yesterday that I dodn't have any friends close by. She happens to live 500 miles away, so I can't just get in my car, drive a little ways and talk to her.
I've been this way for quite a while now. I've been asked to go out with the folks from my AA group, but quite frankly, I don't like to go where they go. That being said, as others have posted before me, I am responsible for my recovery. If I'm not willing to join the crowd it's not their fault, it's mine.
As metioned, I've been sober for 20+ years now, but I've never hear it put quite the way that Laurie did above. "Judging your insides by their outsides." Thank you so much Laurie, you've made my day. While I don't want to make a blanket statement and say that all those smiling faces are hiding pain and suffering on the inside, i do believe there are many who do just that. I did that myself for a long time. What a heavy burden to bear. When anyone asked me how I was, I always smiled and said "Great". All the while, I was dying on the inside. Today I warn people to be careful when they ask me that, because I just might say "I feel like s**t today." I've done that a few times and most people don't know what to do with it.
well, i've probably worn out my welcome. but we do care about you here. I know it's very tought to put yourself out there and not have something click. But God does have a plan for all those who have faith. Keep trying. Look at it this way, you already know what the worst thing that can happen is, so what have you got to lose?
Yours in sobriety,
steady eddie
You sound exactly like me and I've been going to AA for 20+ years now. I was just telling my best friend yesterday that I dodn't have any friends close by. She happens to live 500 miles away, so I can't just get in my car, drive a little ways and talk to her.
I've been this way for quite a while now. I've been asked to go out with the folks from my AA group, but quite frankly, I don't like to go where they go. That being said, as others have posted before me, I am responsible for my recovery. If I'm not willing to join the crowd it's not their fault, it's mine.
As metioned, I've been sober for 20+ years now, but I've never hear it put quite the way that Laurie did above. "Judging your insides by their outsides." Thank you so much Laurie, you've made my day. While I don't want to make a blanket statement and say that all those smiling faces are hiding pain and suffering on the inside, i do believe there are many who do just that. I did that myself for a long time. What a heavy burden to bear. When anyone asked me how I was, I always smiled and said "Great". All the while, I was dying on the inside. Today I warn people to be careful when they ask me that, because I just might say "I feel like s**t today." I've done that a few times and most people don't know what to do with it.
well, i've probably worn out my welcome. but we do care about you here. I know it's very tought to put yourself out there and not have something click. But God does have a plan for all those who have faith. Keep trying. Look at it this way, you already know what the worst thing that can happen is, so what have you got to lose?
Yours in sobriety,
steady eddie
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
When I finally decided to sober up...I went to AA for a myriad of reasons..but mostly, I was lonely. I was living in a new town and didn't have much connection with anyone. My alcoholic/addict boyfriend and I had just broken up..and I was lost and alone. I went to AA to be with people and I never knew just how much I would feel the sense of finally "belonging" somewhere that I did.
I think the single most important thing I have learned to date in sobriety is how much I desperately need to EXTEND MYSELF...I have to do what's awkward in order to connect. I force myself to talk to people in store line ups now...just to practice reaching out. I have to reach out to other in AA (and SR) just as I have to reach out to people outside of AA. You have to start somewhere...and AA is the easiest, most welcoming place I can think of.
Best of luck to you friend.
I think the single most important thing I have learned to date in sobriety is how much I desperately need to EXTEND MYSELF...I have to do what's awkward in order to connect. I force myself to talk to people in store line ups now...just to practice reaching out. I have to reach out to other in AA (and SR) just as I have to reach out to people outside of AA. You have to start somewhere...and AA is the easiest, most welcoming place I can think of.
Best of luck to you friend.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
Loneliness Kills...
I could've written your post my own self, as Golfman said; unfortunately, I honestly believe that the whole "I'm all alone" bummer attitude is part of our natural makeup as addicts...makes recovery from addiction just that much tougher, don't it?!
Feeling all alone in this busy, frantic world is one of the scariest things about being "who we are." I'm offering no solutions or support, I realize...only validating your feelings, so that maybe you won't feel so alone; there are GOBS of us out here feeling the same way...
Thank God for this website!
Peace and Love,
Arp
Feeling all alone in this busy, frantic world is one of the scariest things about being "who we are." I'm offering no solutions or support, I realize...only validating your feelings, so that maybe you won't feel so alone; there are GOBS of us out here feeling the same way...
Thank God for this website!
Peace and Love,
Arp
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 100
Thanks for your support guys... and sorry for taking so long to respond, but I've been doing school work...
nogard:
I used to go to AA pretty frequently but stopped going because I really don't feel comfortable with the people that go to AA, as some of you know I had some problems with my sponsor and his sponsor. They were giving me sh*t about my medication (Prozac)... I started going to another support group, not AA, but I've been kind of lazy to go. I mean I talk to the people that go, but it's not like I feel welcomed, and I haven't developed any friendship with anyone... so I just say, f*ck it, I'll just sleep, or do homework instead of going.
Thanks for you guys offering me your phone numbers, but it's hard just to have you as online friends or phone friends, it's not the same as calling someone and meeting up and actually doing something... but I appreciate your support...
free-at-last:
I don't like AA because the group that I can go too, here at the college, it's made up of my ex-sponsor and his sponsor. They're what you can call AA-Nazi's... fanatics... and that's what I think most people are who go to AA.. it just ticks me off that they ARE SO PROUD AND HAPPY to be part of AA.. BLAH BLAH BLAH... it sounds all too fake... almost like a cult that guide themselves by "a program" and don't think on their own... I also dislike that all the meeting are big-book studies... back home the meeting I went too weren't big book studies... they were more of a support group..
51anna:
I've been thinking about going to the Boys and Girls club to do some volunteer work... I'll see if I can go tomorrow to talk to them or early next week. I've been postponing it...
Missymae737:
I've been diagnosed with depression/anxiety and I'm currently on Prozac
parentrecovers:
I've seen a counselor on campus and I have an appointment for next Friday... prolly volunteering at the boys and girls club.. what part of the midwest are you at? I'm in MN
Many of you have said that I have to take care of myself... etc, etc... learn to be alone, have fun alone... and focus on recovery... BUT I feel like sh*t when I'm alone... what's wrong with being around people may I ask? I love to be around people, I love to be talking to people, I love to have discussions about interesting things with people... why is it so hard for me???? or for us... why why why why why????? It's Friday already, the weekend is here, and I have nothing to look forward too... when I was using I did have a lot to look forward too in the weekends... but now... what will I do this weekend? Probably be in my room bored out of my mind watching movies ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It f*cking sucks.. why can't I have friends to call and tell them, hey why don't we watch a movie or something... or do something whatever... coffee or whatever... I just don't want to be alone damnit!!!!
nogard:
I used to go to AA pretty frequently but stopped going because I really don't feel comfortable with the people that go to AA, as some of you know I had some problems with my sponsor and his sponsor. They were giving me sh*t about my medication (Prozac)... I started going to another support group, not AA, but I've been kind of lazy to go. I mean I talk to the people that go, but it's not like I feel welcomed, and I haven't developed any friendship with anyone... so I just say, f*ck it, I'll just sleep, or do homework instead of going.
Thanks for you guys offering me your phone numbers, but it's hard just to have you as online friends or phone friends, it's not the same as calling someone and meeting up and actually doing something... but I appreciate your support...
free-at-last:
I don't like AA because the group that I can go too, here at the college, it's made up of my ex-sponsor and his sponsor. They're what you can call AA-Nazi's... fanatics... and that's what I think most people are who go to AA.. it just ticks me off that they ARE SO PROUD AND HAPPY to be part of AA.. BLAH BLAH BLAH... it sounds all too fake... almost like a cult that guide themselves by "a program" and don't think on their own... I also dislike that all the meeting are big-book studies... back home the meeting I went too weren't big book studies... they were more of a support group..
51anna:
I've been thinking about going to the Boys and Girls club to do some volunteer work... I'll see if I can go tomorrow to talk to them or early next week. I've been postponing it...
Missymae737:
I've been diagnosed with depression/anxiety and I'm currently on Prozac
parentrecovers:
I've seen a counselor on campus and I have an appointment for next Friday... prolly volunteering at the boys and girls club.. what part of the midwest are you at? I'm in MN
Many of you have said that I have to take care of myself... etc, etc... learn to be alone, have fun alone... and focus on recovery... BUT I feel like sh*t when I'm alone... what's wrong with being around people may I ask? I love to be around people, I love to be talking to people, I love to have discussions about interesting things with people... why is it so hard for me???? or for us... why why why why why????? It's Friday already, the weekend is here, and I have nothing to look forward too... when I was using I did have a lot to look forward too in the weekends... but now... what will I do this weekend? Probably be in my room bored out of my mind watching movies ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It f*cking sucks.. why can't I have friends to call and tell them, hey why don't we watch a movie or something... or do something whatever... coffee or whatever... I just don't want to be alone damnit!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
indigo... please take a look back at your last reply... at how many times, and where you used the word "I"... indigo... i sounded just like yourself for way too many years...
after puting myself in, and geting out of a lifetime of hell, its now not that way...
good wishes to you indigo...
xxoo, rz
ps, maybe talk to your doc about the prozac... it might not be the right med for you...
after puting myself in, and geting out of a lifetime of hell, its now not that way...
good wishes to you indigo...
xxoo, rz
ps, maybe talk to your doc about the prozac... it might not be the right med for you...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New York City, New York
Posts: 14
Well,..I go to AA. Are you saying that IM like that? Millions of people attend AA. Are you telling me that you believe those millions are just like your sponsor? Hardly. And listen to what you said...." it just ticks me off that they ARE SO PROUD AND HAPPY to be part of AA.. BLAH BLAH BLAH... it sounds all too fake" Why would others being proud of being sober tick you off? And by the way,...its not fake. I am proud. I am happy. Im NOT a member of a cult. I think for myself. Its the ones who are still slaves to the bottle that arent thinking for themselves. I think you need to take a hard look at yourself if you automatically dismiss others' pride and happiness as fake. Could that be because you are miserable?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: New York City, New York
Posts: 14
By the way,...are you on "lockdown" or something? You cant go off-campus to an AA meeting? You dont like ONE lousy meeting, so you badmouth AA entirely? You sound like you just dont want to be sober and are looking for justifications like crazy.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
