caughtinthemid

My AS is 84 days sober today. He has been through rehab and is living in a half way house (he prefers sober living home as the name, however).

We have been through many struggles. First, he wanted to live at home when he got out of rehab against the recommendations of his counselor. We backed off and let the seed soak in and he decided to got to a half way home.

He needed to get a job right away. He railed against that, I backed off and let the seed soak in again. He got a job.

He got fired and doesn't want to work, he wants to go back to school to become a chemical dependency counselor. I told him I would pay books/tuition but his living expenses are up to him. He needs to work at least part time or take out loans. The half way house wants him working. He railed again. Told me he was going to leave there and would deal with the consequences. No rent is cheaper than his half way house. He would be homeless if he left. I told him not to make any rash decisions. I believed his HP would help him to make the right decision if his will was fully surrendered.

He called me tonight and told me he is going to approach the head of the half way house tomorrow with a plan of action. I find so much peace in hearing his rants and knowing that if he is still working his program, God's will WILL be done. In either case it is out of my control. I am happy and relieved today.

Ann

What an uplifting post this is, and I can see the steps at work in both your lives.

My prayers go out for your son, that he continues to make good choices and stays on a good path.

Hugs

krhea75

I love how you let him rant, let the seed soak in and wait for God to work. I need to work this in to my life! Good advice from someone who has paved the path before me.
krhea

teke

i'm so glad to hear that you both are doing what you need to do for yourselves. i pray that you both keep moving forward in your recovery.

mooselips

caughtinthemid,
Like my son, who's also in a Sober House, he sounds like he's adjusting.
IMO, it takes alot of patience to stay on the outside, and just watch them rebuild thier lives. I'm practicing that patience......


Hugs,

cmc

Thanks for sharing! You listened to him and gave him the gift of letting go. It's great he's making good choices, this is how they learn to live sober!
I sort of know how you feel!
My AS has been in his new halfway house for a week now and he almost left the first night! He was justified to be angry with what happened...vented it to the person he needed to and called me to let me know. I just reminded him to see the big picture- and take awhile to calm down.
Shortly after, somebody else intervened and made things right! Together they took care of things just fine.
I like the way you describe listening to the vent and "backing off to let the seed soak."

greeteachday

I just came home from a meeting...the last meeting of each month is a step meeting, starting every January with Step 1. So tonight's topic was Step 3. Your post was like a wrap up of the meeting...seeing your son let go and let God and seeing you let go of him and let God. Letting go doesn't have to mean turning away (although in some cases for our own emotional or physical health that may be necessary). You have truly practiced this step...stepping back, giving him the time to reach a decision on his own and face the consequences or reap the benefits, and allowing your son to grow. You should both be so proud of your recovery! Hugs and prayers.

Hangin' In

Way to work your program and turn him over to HIS HP. HP does have the plan and we have to trust in that.

Like someone in my meeting said, "I must give my loved one the dignity to live their life and make their own decisions." That's true. I never liked it when people butted into my life and told me what to do, and I have a feeling our addicted loved ones don't like it any better.

And one more thing I've learned. When I keep telling (or I like to call it "suggesting) my daughter what to do, I'm only contributing to her self esteem problem. For everytime I tell her what to do or suggest a better way to do something, probably what she hears is "Mama doesn't think I'm smart enought to figure this out for myself." Yep, I've done that to her and I'm not going to do it anymore.

Prayers for your son, caught, that he'll make good choices for his life. And prayers for you, too.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

caughtinthemid

Amen to that! I sense it every time I try to give him advice now. He doesn't want me to play that role anymore and when I do I just set off all of those rebellious tendencies he interited from me! I don't mean to sound complacent, but when he starts spewing - I want to say quacking, but since he isn't in active addiction I hesitate to say that - I just sit back and know that God will get him where he needs to be. And I pray. Alot.

In so many ways this seems so easy, but isn't that what handing it off to your HP should be about?

BTW, I met him for lunch today and he IS pursuing a part time job. I wish I could say yay Son, or yay Me, but it is really YAY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!